


Long Way Home

by theoriginofloves (madelinedrive)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Cowboy!AU, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Past Character Death, Period-Typical Homophobia, Rodeo Competitions, Violence, Yeehaw!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-26 01:57:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 57,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20035996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelinedrive/pseuds/theoriginofloves
Summary: 900 miles is all that stands between Finn and freedom. Between Finn and a better life. Between Finn and Rey.When he finally breaks free from his sheltered home life, Finn finds himself on the road trip of a lifetime with a handsome cowboy in the driver's seat. Hitch-hiking, rodeos, new friends, and old foes are all part of the long way home.





	1. West Texas & Albequerque

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a two month fever dream; I was coming to terms with having to quit my job, move out of a city I really came to love, and try to figure out where my life was going. 
> 
> Back then, I saw an incredible Spotify playlist called 'finnpoe clown college' by user Seph Mozes (all of their playlists are great, highly recommend) circulating around Tumblr and was instantly inspired to write the cowboy road trip drama I wanted to see in the world. I also created an accompanying playlist of my own for this fic, if you want it, just ask for it over at my tumblr @theoriginofloves :)
> 
> this one's dedicated to the city of Las Vegas and the Dixie Chicks

****

**WEST TEXAS**

****

_Friday_   


When he left the old teardown, it was under a great full moon. The harsh white light cast its glow over the farm, over the rutted dirt road that seemed to stretch infinitely in either direction. 

It was a Blue Moon — the second full moon of the month and an unintended outcome of the date he’d chosen to leave. 

If Finn had been concerned about moving under the shadow of darkness, he could’ve stood to plan a little better, but there was no more time to spare. He couldn’t work til his hands bled under the supervision of a cruel man any longer, he couldn’t toil away at land that wasn’t his and never would be. The house was not a home to him. 

As he trudged along the roadside for the first two miles, there wasn’t a soul on the road to hitch a ride from. Why would there be? It was three o’clock on a Friday morning, everyone in this stretch of the countryside was fast asleep, recovering from an 18 hour day of hard work farming or ranching. When the sun rose, they’d be up again to tend their land, to raise their livestock and make their living through their blood, sweet, and tears. 

He was beginning to formulate Plan B in his head (_walk until your three towns over, find a motel, sleep for a few hours, get a ride from someone in the morning_) when he hit the crossroads connecting the two nearest towns. There was a little more activity on the roads then, people getting their jump on the day to be the first ones on the road. A couple different drivers stopped for his outstretched thumb, but they were heading East to San Antonio or South to Mexico. It was on his third successful stop that he finally got the answer he was looking for: someone heading North. 

“Shit, I can’t take you all the way to Wyoming,” the man spit out the driver’s side window as Finn swung his bag around to his lap, taking a seat in the passenger side of the man’s beat up pick-up truck. “But I’m on my way up to Albuquerque, you can probably catch another ride from there.” 

The drive from the very western tip of Texas up through to Albuquerque took just under four hours — Finn got to sleep for the first hour, before the man kindly but firmly told Finn he would have to drive the rest of the way while he got some shut eye. The man had been driving for going on fifteen hours without a break, but when Finn tried to ask where he’d come from, the man just rested his head on the truck’s gently vibrating windows and closed his eyes.

When the sun began to rise, filling the cab of the truck with light from the passenger side, Finn took patient, thorough notice of the desertscape stretched out in front of him. He had been on the New Mexico side of the border a few times, but he’d never been farther than 50 miles from home. He didn’t know why he’d expected New Mexico to become something brilliant the further they drove; he had just imagined that the day he had finally gotten out of the little farm town he had been raised in, the desert would give way to shining cities and rolling hills of grass. But New Mexico just looked a hell of a lot like West Texas. 

The roads became more structured and paved as they reached the outer city limits, and when the city started to breach out of the desert plains to reveal actual homes and buildings, Finn gently woke the sleeping man. They switched places again, so the man could navigate the truck to wherever it was he needed to go. Before he got there, though, he dropped Finn off at a motel in the style of those old pueblo buildings that were plentiful around West Texas, and over the border in Juárez too. 

“Now there’s a rodeo in town this weekend, just down the road a mile or so, at the fairgrounds, you can probably walk to it from here. They’ll be in town through the weekend,” the man rubbed his face roughly, looking like he was in desperate need of some coffee or sleep. “That would be your best bet to find a ride up north. Those guys are always moving from town to town, just have to find one willing to take ya.” 

“Thank you, sir,” Finn nodded again. He’d said ‘thank you’ about a dozen times since the man had picked him up, but somehow he didn’t feel like that was enough. He rustled through his bag — an old knapsack stuffed with some clothes, a few morsels of food, a handful of letters, and what little money he had hidden away over the years. “Let me pay you for your—”

“Not necessary,” the man waved him off, his hand finally falling from his face back to the steering wheel. Despite the deep lines of his face and the dark bags cradling his eyes, the man broke out into a delirious grin, “Save it for the rodeo, kid. Maybe I’ll see ya there and you can buy me a beer.” 

If Finn was being honest with the stranger, he would tell him that he had no intentions of actually going to the rodeo, but he nodded silently and gave another quick wave before the man pulled off down the road. He had a couple hundred dollars and no way of knowing how long it would take to get to where he was going. There had been the possibility of eventually finding a bus or train, but those options were slim until he got to a more populated city. He’d have to hitch his way to Denver at least, then maybe he’d find a bus or a train to take him the rest of the way to Casper. A couple of the boys from church had said they’d hitch-hiked as far as North Dakota, one kid even finding his way across the Canadian border for a day or two. Those kids were different though, they had a network of family or friends scattered around the middle of the States, they had resources at their disposal given to them by the community or by their parents. Finn wasn’t exactly like those other boys. 

He studied the motel where the man had left him. The parking lot was filled almost entirely with beat up trucks, but the sign out front said that there were still rooms available. He considered the possibility of claiming a room — checking in and waiting around until some cowboys or rodeo folks started to make their appearances, then convincing one of them to give him a ride.

But something about the motel in the early morning light gave him the creeps, and he had no one to trust but his gut. 

So he did the only other thing he could think to do — start walking in the direction of the fairgrounds. 

****

*******

The streets were relatively quiet in the early morning light. The only place that seemed to have human activity in it was a diner just across the street from the admissions gate of the fairgrounds. Hunger pangs started to clench at his stomach as he watched waitresses shuffling back and forth with plates piled high with food. From the window, he could see that the tables were filled with men in flannel shirts and cowboy hats. Some of them were grouped together in booths or at tables, talking amongst themselves and sipping steaming cups of coffee.

He was nearly at the front door when he realized that just outside, there was an empty pay phone booth. Despite the growl from his stomach, he froze. It was hard to guess at when he might have another opportunity to use a phone — there were so many unknown variables between here and Wyoming — so this might be the best opportunity to give a warning that his journey had begun. 

Finn stepped into the booth, digging in the inside pockets of his jacket to pull out a few coins and a slip of paper. Following the instructions on the phone, he dropped in a couple coins, waited for the dial tone, then punched in the numbers. 

When it began to ring, his heart thrummed in his chest, turning back around so that he could peer out the glass panels at people coming and going from the front door to the diner. He knew it was unlikely that someone from home would be out to get him; it was so early that he was sure nobody had even known he was missing yet. Still, the fear of being caught and dragged back from where he came was like a distant siren, always blaring from somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind. 

After a few rings, the other line picked up and Finn’s focus was back on the handset pressed to his ear. 

“Rey?” 

“Mmm,” the voice on the other end was muted for a moment, then a clear of the throat, and then it was her. “Hello?”

“Rey, it’s me,” Finn breathed out, his eyes darting to the diner’s door again as a man walked out and yawned, stretching his arms up and around. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized just how early it was. Dawn had hardly even broke in New Mexico, it was probably still dark up in Wyoming. “Oh gosh, did I wake you?”

There was a slight rustling on the other end of the line before the voice exclaimed, “Finn? Finn! Oh Finn, it’s so good to hear your voice! You didn’t wake me at all.” This was an obvious lie, but Finn was smiling too wide to call her on it. She jumped in again, now sounding anxious as she murmured, “Wait, why _are_ you calling so early? Is something wrong? Are you okay?” 

Finn shook his head on instinct, though he was quick to follow with, “Everything’s fine, I’m fine. I’m good.” He took a deep breath in before exhaling, his voice surprisingly quiet as he said, “I did it. I left. I’m in Albuquerque now. I’m hoping with any luck, and God willing, that I’ll be able to get to Casper in a couple of days.” 

Rey had, in the past year, become something of a lifeline to Finn. She had first come to his town last spring as a syndicate from a sister church in Wyoming. She’d traveled down with several other teenagers their age and had been thrown into the mix of their small church in West Texas for a week. Finn had never gotten along with anyone from his own church, but he and Rey had been drawn to each other from the first day. She’d approached him with inexplicable joy, thrown her arms around him and told him she knew they would be great friends. 

And she had been right. In that short week, they’d gotten to know each other in a way that Finn had never had before. She’d come to his home and see the way he had been treated, could see the way his body and mind were being taken advantage of, and when she went back to Wyoming, they wrote to each other every week about how to get him out of that situation. She had a firm faith that God would protect Finn if he left, and told him again and again that if he could get out that he needed to come to Wyoming to stay with her. 

Now their plans were coming to fruition and after a slight pause, she was shreiking with joy, so loud that Finn had to pull the headset from his ear. He laughed softly as she screamed, only bringing the phone back to his ear when she started to ramble off a collection of words that veered between excited praise and smattered prayers. “Oh Finn this is incredible, thank God. I’m so proud of you,” her words finally slowed, though he could hear her grin, “I can’t wait to see you.” 

“I can’t wait to see you either,” he smiled right back. He would never have been able to do this without her gentle encouragement, without her faith in him. “I just wanted to call in case I don’t get a chance over the next couple days,” he breathed out, nodding to himself again as he continued, “Just wanted to let you know I’m on the way.” 

When he glanced up from where his eyes had strayed down to his feet, he saw a man approaching the diner’s front door. This man, though, unlike all the others that had gone in and out of the door since he’d gotten in the booth, looked right at him. It was so striking, so unexpected that he would glance up at someone staring back at him, that he quickly jerked his eyes down again, exhaling shakily. In the earpiece, Rey was reciting some scripture that Finn wasn’t hearing. He drew his eyes back up and saw the man still looking at him, a smile on his face that was hard to characterize. Finn’s stomach growled again, his hunger twisting at his guts as the man did something unthinkable — he tipped his hat and winked at Finn before ducking through the front door. 

The whole interaction had been brief, had only spanned the space of a couple seconds, but Finn had a disconcerting sense of fear bubbling up in his throat. 

“Finn? Are you still there?” 

Finn shook his head, trying to snap himself out of whatever little trance had fallen over him as he came back into focus. “Yes, yes, sorry Rey,” he huffed, trying not to sound as uneasy as he felt as he added, “I’m just hungry, that’s all.” 

“Well get something to eat and find somewhere to rest,” Rey instructed, her voice firm as she continued, “I want you to get here, but I want you to get here in one piece and relatively unharmed.” 

A joke, Finn knows, but he can’t seem to chuckle along with her. He’s instead trying to see into the diner from his vantage point in the phone booth but can’t seem to find an angle that works. “Of course, of course,” he agreed, giving up on his search as he turned back to the phone unit, “I’ll try to call you again when I’ve gotten to another city, give you an update.” 

“Perfect,” she replied, pausing for a moment before saying, “God bless you, Finn. I’ll see you soon.” 

“Thank you Rey, I’ll see you soon,” he said, hesitating for a moment before hanging the handset back in its cradle.

For a moment he stood in the glass box, collecting his thoughts and wondering if perhaps he had been mistaken. That had to be it — the man hadn’t looked at him at all, let alone winked at him. Finn was just delusional from nerves and hunger, that was it. 

Besides, if something bad had happened, if he had had some reason to feel concerned or fearful for his safety, he would have felt some intuition to flee, as he had this morning with the seedy motel where he’d been dropped off. There was no fear though, only raw hunger and something akin to curiosity that pulled him out of the phone booth and back to the front door of the diner. 

When he walked inside, he assessed that there were probably ten to fifteen men scattered around the dining room, in groups or alone at tables and booths. Then, there was a few sat at a counter that faced into the kitchen, where a waitress with salt-and-pepper hair piled up high on her head darted back and forth taking orders and pouring cups of coffee. 

Finn kept his back straight but his gaze low, slipping into a seat at the counter closest to the door, unoccupied on either side. In his initial sweep of the diner, none of the faces had seemed to be the one that had winked at him outside. Maybe it had just been his imagination after all, he tried to tell himself. 

“What’ll it be, handsome?” The waitress manifested in front of him from out of thin air, with an empty mug and a pot full of pitch black coffee. She was tall and sturdy, with stark green eyes and a nametag that said ‘Jane’. 

“Uh, coffee’s good and—” he looked around, noticing quickly that nobody seemed to have a menu in sight. He glanced up to see her smirking. “And I’ll just have whatever else is good,” he nodded, trying to sound sure instead of skittish. 

She plunked the mug down and filled it quickly, clicking her tongue and saying, “Excellent choice, kid.” 

Less than ten minutes later he had a plate piled high with good home-style breakfast foods — eggs, biscuits and gravy, bacon, hash browns, a couple pancakes, and a side of ham. He wanted to ask what a plate like this could possibly cost, but his hands were shoveling it into his mouth before he could even formulate the question. He hadn’t realized what kind of appetite he’d worked up by running away from home, the way that nerves corroded your stomach to feel nauseous until the moment a hot plate was set down in front of you. Not to mention that he hadn’t had a real, full meal in days. The more he ate, the more he relaxed, the tension slipping away from his neck and shoulders just enough to finally allow him to look around the diner properly. 

Two other waitresses manned the room, scurrying back and forth from the kitchen while Jane worked behind the counter. Although the clientele seemed to be entirely other men, they kept mostly to themselves, conversing in hushed tones amongst themselves, except for one man sitting at the far end of the counter. 

Finn froze as he recognized him instantly: the man that had winked at him outside. 

He had a head of dark brown-black curls, tamped down slightly from the tan hat that sat on the counter next to his plate. The sleeves of his button up shirt were hastily rolled up to his elbows, exposing the tanned skin of a man who spent much of his day out in the sun. His plate was nearly cleaned, and he was just finishing a bit of toast with egg and hot sauce piled on top, as he loudly recounted a story of a nasty bull that had tried to get the better of him last weekend in Phoenix. His face was joyous and youthful, excitedly recounting an endless slew of details. Jane was there listening, her hip leaned against the counter as she shook her head, negating the possibility of every twist and turn in the man’s story. The more she denied him, the more ridiculous his story became — he’d flown nearly twenty feet off the bull, the animal had risen up on its back two legs to stand like a man, it had come down on its hooves only an inch from his face! Even Finn, who had never been to a rodeo before, knew that the story was false, but there was something captivating about the way the man insisted that it was all truth. 

It had become so enthralling that he hadn’t realized he’d been staring until suddenly the man’s eyes were on his, locked on in a way that made it feel like the force of gravity itself had changed direction. He was being pulled away from the ground and towards this stranger; he had to brace his hands on the counter to stop from jumping out of his seat. 

“You believe me, right kid?” The man called across the diner, clapping his hand against the counter and then gesturing to Jane, “Tell the lady I’m the real deal.” 

Finn’s mouth dropped open then snapped closed, his head swiveling around involuntarily as he looked for anyone else the man could be gesturing to. When he realized it could only be him, his mouth did the same routine again, falling open, snapping closed. 

“That kid doesn’t know you from Adam and he don’t want to get himself involved with a loon like you,” Jane teased the man back, tossing a wink Finn’s way before moving to clear the man’s empty plates. “Now why don’t you just pay me and go cause commotion somewhere else, cowboy.” 

The man let out a pleasant laugh, standing up from his seat and rifling through his pocket to pull out a few dollars and drop them on the counter. “You got it, sister,” the smile on his face could only be described as brilliant. Finn had never thought about what it would be like to be in the same room as a movie star, but now he had to imagine it was a little like this. The man was bursting with warmth, with a charm that radiated out of him and seemed to sweep over everyone in the diner. He clearly wanted attention and he got it. Some of the other cowboys jeered at him as he collected his thing— “bullshitter”, “dumb kid”, “full of it” — and he responded in kind with elaborate waves and little salutes of the hand. He picked his hat up off the counter and placed it delicately on his head, his fingers tracing the circular brim as he loudly said, “You want to see a commotion, you come on down to the show tonight and tomorrow, darlin’. I’m the nine o’clock ride both nights and I’d love to add another pretty lady to my cheerleading section.” 

His little declaration was met with more good-natured booing and heckling, which only seemed to light him up further. Finn had been unable to peel his eyes away, no matter how hard he tried. The man was a showman and he demanded all eyes on him. 

And Finn could swear that as the cowboy strolled out of the diner, waving and hooting at the other men chiding him, their eyes connected once again. The man winked and Finn’s body seemed to seize.

Then he was gone and the diner slowly settled from the controlled uproar back down into muted murmurs and the clinking of utensils against porcelain plates. 

Jane was in front of him again, scooping up the plates that he’d practically wiped clean. “You must’ve hated it, huh?” She teased as she stacked the empty dishes in the crook of her arm. 

Finn felt like he’d been underwater for a long time — for too long — and when he finally broke the surface, gasping for air, all he could sputter out was. “Who was that?”

She glanced from his face to the door the man had just strolled out of. “That kid? Just some dumb cowboy, like the rest of ‘em,” she rolled her eyes and shrugged, “He’s been on the circuit for a while, been in here a few times over the years when they roll through town, but he’s no different than any of the rest of them.” She was gone for a moment then returned empty-handed, placing both hands on the counter and lowering her voice, “You’re not one of them, are ya hun?” 

The question made him nervous. Of course he wasn’t one of those rodeo cowboys, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t appear as one to her. He tried not to overthink it. “No ma’am,” he took a swig of the last bit of coffee in his mug before adding, “Just passing through town.” 

She nodded pensively, her hands sliding off the counter to wrap her arms around herself. “I can tell. Too sweet,” she muttered, almost morosely, and another cool wave of fear overtook him. “Don’t let ‘em rope you into it, kid. Ain’t no one been better off after joining up, all you get is a broken skull and busted legs,” she whipped a dishtowel off her shoulder and picked up his empty mug, wiping down the counter in front of him as she stated, “That’ll be $3, handsome.”

In a stunned sort of silence, he mumbled something under his breath as he dug in his pocket for a couple dollar bills and a handful of coins that amounted to a reasonable tip for the waitress. He placed the money on the counter and finally managed to spit out a “thank you” before clamoring up from his seat and out of the door. 

Too sweet, she had said. Too sweet. 

_You can run from that town, you can run from that place and those people, a voice in his head snarled out, but you can’t run from ‘too sweet’._

****

**ALBEQUERQUE**

Finn thought he’d be able to kill time puttering around town until the rodeo ended that Friday night, just bide his time until he could hitch his next ride. But like his hunger, he had greatly underestimated his exhaustion.

After he left the diner, he circled the streets that bordered the fairgrounds until he found a motel that didn’t give him that same ominous feeling as the first one. When he inquired about a room, the clerk had informed him that they had a few rooms left, but were charging double because of the demand from the rodeo. Finn begrudgingly handed over a handful of bills before the clerk retrieved a key.

The room was unremarkable, decorated with framed drawings of cacti and huge red rock formations, but it had a lock on the door and a shower in the bathroom, which was all Finn could really ask for. After shedding his clothes and taking a long, hot shower, Finn crawled into one of the two queen beds to rest his eyes for a few moments before he could start to formulate a plan. 

When he woke up, the room was pitch black and if his vocal cords hadn’t been paralyzed with fear, he would’ve screamed. In the darkness, in the strange room he didn’t recognize, he almost thought that he was back on the ranch — a nightmare that he hadn’t run away at all or, even worse, somehow they had tracked him down and dragged him back without him realizing it. 

But then he heard whooping and shouting from somewhere outside, the muffled sounds of crowd conversation interspersed with the occasional drunken outburst. When he managed to stagger out of the bed and over to the window to peek outside, he saw the lights of the fairground although they illuminated nothing but empty grandstands and grounds. Instead, people were gathered in the streets surrounding the fairgrounds, or out in the courtyard of the motel. Unlike the diner, there were more than just men hanging around — now it seemed like for every man in a cowboy hat there was a woman there to dance with or around him. 

He watched the people for a while, long enough to see a line dance break out as someone with a guitar and a robust singing voice rose above the noise. It occurred to him that this was the first time he’d seen people dance freely, uninhibited. Men and women swung around each other, connected by arms or hands or lips. They whooped and called back words of the song, jumped around and moved their bodies side to side. The only time he’d ever seen people dancing before had been during youth dance socials at church, and that could hardly be called dancing so much as gentle swaying under the hawkish eyes of the pastor’s wife. 

Finn couldn’t say how long he watched, but over the hours the dancing tapered off and the crowd thinned until only a few men stayed leaning against the iron fence, smoking cigarettes and sharing a bottle of alcohol that Finn couldn’t identify. 

For a moment, he thought about trying to go out there, to socialize and maybe even to secure a ride north, but he couldn’t get his feet to move. Besides, it had to be the early hours of the morning now, and he couldn’t imagine any type of practical conversation happening amongst a few drunks out too late. 

He watched them though. He absorbed the way they stood, the way they swaggered when they told their stories. There was a confidence that seeped from their bodies and accumulated in a cloud around Finn’s head. He wanted to understand them, he wanted to be them. 

He blinked and they were gone. 

Or maybe it hadn’t just been a blink, he realized as he stretched the back of his neck and looked at the condensation of his breath from where his face had been pressed against the windowpane. He’d fallen asleep and the men were gone because the first whisper of dawn was glimmering over the horizon, a sliver of orange attempting to cut through the dark blue. 

When he stood to really stretch and to shake the sleep off of himself, he realized he was mistaken again. 

They were not all gone. 

One man stood out in the courtyard, his hat held at his side with one hand as he tilted his face up to the sky. He stood like this for a minute or two before righting himself, turning away from the horizon and back towards the motel. Even with the glow of the sunrise at his back, and the brim of the hat casting shadows across his face, Finn knew the man in an instant. 

The one from the phone booth, the one from the diner, the one that winked at him. 

Finn side-stepped away from the window quickly, with such an unexpected momentum that he almost stumbled into the door knob, his hand jutting out to stop himself. 

What was that for? What was he hiding from? The man couldn’t have seen him; he hadn’t even looked up at the second story of rooms that bordered the courtyard.

And what if the cowboy had seen him? The man wouldn’t have recognized him anyway, Finn was just some stranger to him. 

_You recognized him and he is just some stranger to you._

The thought is irrelevant. Finn chalked it up to being startled and delirious in waking up from his unplanned nap. And he proved it to himself by stepping back out to the window, his eyes immediately drawn down to the courtyard. 

The man was looking up right at him. 

This time Finn actually wanted to jump out of the way. The unexpected stare and a sudden wave of panic told him to move, _just move!_, but his feet were stuck in place. 

The man’s eyes didn’t stay locked on his. They swept over the second floor of the motel, with no intent but curiosity behind them, and Finn sighed with relief. The man hadn’t seen him, couldn’t have from the angle and the tint of the window, he had just happened to glance at Finn’s window at that exact moment. 

When the man finally seemed satisfied with whatever it was that he had wanted to see, he exited the courtyard and Finn’s scope of view. Only when he was out of sight could Finn find a way to push himself away from the window. He staggered on still sleepy legs to the bathroom, splashing water on his face. Whatever trance this place was putting on him, whatever psychological break was coming from running away from home, had to be put on hold, at least until he got to Wyoming. 

He could fall apart when he got to where he needed to be and not a minute sooner.

_**Saturday**_

When dawn really broke, when the sun really cast its light over the city, Finn returned his key to the front desk clerk and set out for the diner he had eaten at the previous morning. There was no sense in hanging around any longer than he had to. 

It was a largely uneventful breakfast. Jane was not the waitress at the counter, and Finn was surprised by how disappointed he felt when he sidled up to the counter and was greeted with an apathetic grunt of a different, disinterested woman. It was good, though, to be mostly ignored for the duration of his meal. It allowed him to reflect on the previous day, to construct a plan going forward, and even to pull out one of Rey’s letters that he had tucked away in his bag. Reading over them gave him a sense of purpose, a sense of direction to complete his journey north. 

Every time the door opened, he glanced over his shoulder, always looking out for something he couldn’t quite name. But when it never came, and he’d stalled as long as he could, he gave in and settled his tab. 

His plan had come down to one main objective: find a ride out of town tonight. He didn’t want to pay for another night at the motel if he could afford to save the money, and with nowhere to go and no one to see, his best option for a place to kill time and find that ride was the rodeo itself. 

He left the diner and crossed the streets to the admission gates, which were already open and receiving a steady flow of human traffic funneling through. At the ticket book, he purchased his admission fee and was handed a ticket and a program — a neatly folded brochure with a typed schedule of events and activities, as well as descriptions of the different areas of the fairgrounds where these events and activities were held. His ticket was torn as he entered through the gates and he had to surrender himself to the crowd as the mass of bodies swept him into the main grounds. There was a little stage up to the left with a girl playing fiddle all alone, some people congregated in front of her listening dutifully. To his right, there were a few pop-up tents assembled that had strong, sugary scents wafting out of them.

As he got past the main entrance corridor and walked further into the fairgrounds, people began to break off to individual events and activities, which gave him some room to breathe. Finn gravitated to a grouping of picnic tables that were only partially occupied. When he finally sat and shrugged off his bag onto the bench next to him, he flattened the program out on the table, scanning the day’s events. 

_“I’m the nine o’clock ride both nights,”_ the thought was a sharp and teasing whisper, _“and I’d love to add another pretty lady to my cheerleading section.”_

His eyes went to the section of the brochure for the evening activities. Typed out under the section that read 9:00 PM was an entry that simply read: 

****

**MAIN ARENA - BULLDOGGING. FOUR ENTRANTS. GRAND PRIZE $100.**

Finn had no idea what “bulldogging” was, though he had to assume it was some sort of riding competition, as the rest of the events all seemed to be. If he wanted to find out, he was sure he could’ve asked one of the many excitable people rushing through the grounds, but he wasn’t here to observe or learn about the rodeo. He was here for two reasons only: to kill time and to find himself a ride out of New Mexico. 

But if he happened to be near the main arena at nine o’clock, maybe he’d kill time figuring out what “bulldogging” was. 

The day passed easily as Finn moved about from event to activity to event. He watched a couple of musicians at the entrance stage, though they only played songs he had never heard in church before. He watched dozens of children buzz around a petting zoo - a pipe stall with a couple docile goats, pigs, and sheep tolerating the chaos of toddlers flitting around them. The kids had to have been suburban children, grown up far away from farm life and without the burden of rearing and caring for livestock. Pigs became much less novel when you had to clean up after them for your entire life. 

As the sun began to set, Finn followed the crowds to the main arena. It seemed like the evening programming in the arena was what everyone had really come for and Finn was lucky to snag a seat for himself near the front of the grandstands. 

First there were a couple roping events — individual and then team roping — where a rider or team of riders went out on their horses and set off after a calf or a steer, roping it and taking it down. These events didn’t seem all that exciting to Finn, who had had to rope calves on the farm plenty of times before, but the crowd enjoyed them, even jumping to their feet when one of the teams got their steer lassoed in what seemed like split seconds. 

Bronc riding followed, where individual cowboys went out on a horse that was doing everything in its power to buck them off. Finn didn’t care for this event either, again only relating it back to the few times he had to break horses back on the farm and remembering the grueling effort it took to get an unruly horse to settle. 

The eight o’clock show was Finn’s favorite. He had never watched barrel racing before, but when they announced and explained the competition, and when the lithe, agile women raced out on sleek horses, turning tight circles around barrels at breakneck speed, he finally found his voice rising and cheering with the crowd. He’d never seen anyone ride as fast as the three women who competed for the barrel racing prize and when they finished and crowned their champion, Finn was disappointed that it had been the shortest event so far. 

That was until he remembered what the nine o’clock show was. When they announced the bulldogging competition, the crowd broke into a roar unlike anything Finn had heard yet. If their enthusiasm was any indication, this was what they had all been waiting for. And their excitement was contagious, Finn’s own hands beginning to tremble with anticipation. 

Finn watched with eager eyes as the first contestant came out, a short blonde man with a grey hat and a matching grey horse underneath him. Before Finn could even register what was going to happen, a small steer was released from the side of the arena and the crowd roared again. Somewhere, a narrator was commentating over a tinny speaker system, but Finn couldn’t hear any of that as the cowboy raced after the steer, dutifully leaning into the long neck of his steed and calling commands. He caught up to the steer and in a flash of a moment, the man was up and off his horse, flying between the gap of his saddle and the unrestrained steer. His hands grabbed hold of the steer’s horns, as if they were handles on a bicycle, and his body pulled down and rolled hard as the steer lashed its head from side to side, trying to escape the sudden nuisance clinging to his head. It took the cowboy a moment to grapple with the steer, his horse turning tight circles around the two as they tangoed, but in some miraculous feat the man pulled the steer off its feet and down to the ground underneath him. A horn was sounded and the crowd was roaring again, jumping to their feet and applauding as within the arena a team came out to corral the steer back into a concealed pen. The cowboy jumped back onto his horse, saluted the crowd, then exited the ring. 

Finn’s throat was dry, fear crawling up the length of his spine and clutching at his throat. If he had a better wit about him, he would’ve left then and there — he would’ve found his way to the parking lot and started asking for a ride. 

But something kept him in his seat. He even lasted through the next two riders, though they were almost too difficult to watch — one was disqualified for jumping too soon and missing the steer entirely and the second jumped at the right time to grab the steer’s horns, but was thrown from his grip and nearly trampled. 

Finn thought he knew the limits of the crowd’s volume, but when the final contestant was announced, the crowd raised their voices in a frenzy unlike anything he had ever heard. The whooping and screaming was so loud that he couldn’t hear the name when it was announced from the loudspeaker, but he couldn’t miss it when it was shrieked from a woman three rows behind him. 

“Poe Dameron, I love you!” 

Like her voice had beckoned him forward, the man burst out from the stall on a silky brown horse the color of coffee grounds. Even at a distance, Finn registered that movie star smile and careless swagger, the way he blew a kiss to the crowd before leaning down and shouting a command to his horse. 

There was no time to process the realization of seeing the stranger once again, or the accompanying feeling of terror and exhilaration that mixed up his stomach. There was no time because Poe was faster than lightning — in what felt like the blink of an eye, the cowboy had caught up to the steer, flew through the air to grasp its horns, and wrestled it to the ground. The same horn from before sounded and the crowd went absolutely wild in the grandstands, whooping and shouting praise as the cowboy slipped away from the steer and back onto his horse. He did a lap as the rodeo staff corralled the steer out of the arena, waving and smiling as if he hadn’t just wrestled a dangerous animal to the ground only seconds before.

Finn was in a stunned silence as the cowboy passed within several feet of his section of the crowd. His eyes were locked onto the man’s face and in the fourth time in the last 48 hours, he could swear the man looked right at him, right in his eyes through to the back of his skull. 

Finn clamored up out of his seat and pushed his way through his section to get out of the arena. He could hear them announcing Poe Dameron as the champion of the event, could hear the raucous delight of the crowd, but all he knew was that his head was swimming with some unnameable terror. 

According to the program there was one more event in the arena followed by a headliner concert, but Finn wouldn’t be staying for the rest of the show. He felt like there was a beacon of panic emanating from the center of his chest and if he stayed in one place for too long, all the thousands of people in the fairgrounds would begin to take notice and find him out. 

When he found his way to the parking lot which was filled with trucks and trailers of all sorts, he was finally able to take a few long, deep breaths. He knew he couldn’t approach anyone in a manic state, no one would dare give a ride to a stranger who looked like they belonged in an asylum. He had to be calm and cool, he had to shape himself into something he wasn’t so that someone, anyone, would take him away from here. 

For the most part, the trucks were unattended to, with many of the patrons still inside the confines of the fairgrounds. When he saw a section separated from the rest with a hand-painted sign that said “Participant & Staff Parking Only”, he felt a little more assured. All of the entrants were on some sort of traveling circuit, so these were the people to hitch a ride with. If he was really lucky, he might even find someone that would be willing to take him all the way to Casper. 

The first few people he asked were either heading the wrong direction or were fully occupied. He approached one man who swore up and down that he was heading to Wyoming, but his breath was so sour from booze that Finn had to excuse himself from the man’s presence. The task at hand was proving more difficult than he thought it would be, and the more people that turned him down or pointed him on to someone else, the more that anxious fear started to grow again.

He was mid-conversation with a friendly, albeit dim man and had transitioned fully from anxious to annoyed when the guy’s face finally lit up. “You know what, I actually do know a guy heading up the Colorado way, I bet he’d give you a ride,” the man spit a black clump of tobacco on the ground as he turned his back to Finn, instructing him, “Come on, he’s hitched up on the far end of the lot. Hope he hasn’t left yet.” 

At least a lead was promising, Finn tried to tell himself, although it was hardly a lead if some guy knew some guy that could maybe help. 

They walked further into the lot, the scene becoming more bustling and more lewd as they went. More bottles of alcohol seemed to appear and more pretty girls seemed to linger, one even reaching out to stroke at Finn’s upper arm as he passed. He tried not to jump at the sensation, the foreign feeling of a strange woman’s hand pressed against his shirt sleeve. 

The man guiding him stopped abruptly at a dusty orange truck, clapping a meaty hand against the side of the truck bed. 

“Dameron? You around here somewhere?” The man called as he continued to ring the side of the truck with the flat of his hand, creating a clanging sound louder than the sound of Finn’s heartbeat throbbing in his ears. 

There was no way this could be the same man or that this man could be around the parking lot now. There was no way that he was driving north and there was surely no way that he would be willing to give Finn a ride. There was no way any of that could happen because then he’d be getting a ride from some rodeo champion movie star stranger that incited in him a sense of dread so profound that those few moments he’d experienced it made Finn feel like he would drown to death. 

A puff of orange fur popped up from the truck bed and yapped in Finn’s face, causing him to stumble back in surprise. In his shock he almost couldn’t find his footing in the gravel of the lot, his feet threatening to slip out from him as he teetered backwards. But his wavering was stopped by the clap of a hand on his shoulder, gripping him just hard enough to right his feet underneath him. 

“Woah there,” that strange but familiar voice was there in his ear, then that strange but familiar face was at his side, his head cocked slightly to indicate his concern. “You good there, buddy? Sorry about the dog, she’s a menace that ain’t got—” he broke off his own sentence, his eyes squinting and his worried frown giving way to that gleaming smile. “Hey wait a minute, I know you. You’re the kid from the diner yesterday, right?” 

It didn’t seem right that this man — Poe Dameron, rodeo champion, charmer of the masses — could recall something so trivial as a dumb kid that didn’t even speak to him. So much so that Finn almost shook his head no, as if to say ‘it couldn’t have been me that you remember because there is nothing memorable about me’. 

“Y-yeah,” was what he managed to get out, which was considerably better than his first thought. “Finn,” was the second thing he could say and, as if to justify the lack of an introduction, he jutted out his right hand. 

Poe nodded a little, as if he had already known Finn’s name before he could speak it. “Yeah, alright, Finn,” he repeated, his right hand sliding across the expanse of Finn’s back before coming down to meet Finn’s hand. “Poe Dameron, nice to meet you,” he said, clapping his left hand against the man that had led Finn here. “And good ol’ Snap, what are you doing here?” 

“Well, actually, I was gonna introduce ya to my new friend Finn here, but it seems you’ve already met, huh?” The man let out a chortle, pointing a thumb at Poe and addressing Finn, “If I’d’ve known you already knew Poe, I woulda just sent you his way on your own. Wouldn’ta gone walking all over New Mexico to find him for ya.” 

Finn opened his mouth, then shut it again. 

_Not this old routine._

Poe pieced what he could together from that statement. “You were looking for me?” There was something simple _(sweet)_ about the way he asked, not goading or teasing as it could have sounded. 

“No,” Finn cleared his throat, hitching the strap on his bag as he clarified, “I mean, I was looking to hitch a ride going north and Snap said you might be heading that way.” He was thankful for the dark night, for the shoddy lighting in the parking lot that could hopefully hide some of the tense, uncomfortable feeling rising to his cheeks. 

Poe looked him up and down, then did the same to his guide Snap. “Where ya headed, Finn?” he stepped forward to acknowledge the dog in the cab of the truck, who had ceased barking but had been impatiently pacing ever since Poe had appeared. 

“Wyoming. Casper, actually, is where I’m going,” Finn said, before quickly adding on, “But I’ll go as far north as you’re heading. The plan was to hitch rides as long as it took to get there.” 

Poe was scratching the dog behind its ears as he contemplated Finn’s answer. His smile had dimmed, but even the slight curve of his resting lips conveyed a charm unlike anything Finn had ever encountered in real life. 

“You okay with dogs? And horses?” Poe asked. 

Finn glanced at the dog and the dog looked at him, appeased by the head scratches it was now getting. He lifted his hand up to let the dog smell him and in return, the dog sniffed dutifully as Finn said, “Worked on a cattle farm down in Texas, I can ride pretty fair. Nothing like you do out there, but I can hold my own.” 

The dog nudged at Finn’s hand, turning it over so that she could lick his palm as Poe let loose another glorious laugh. “No one’s riding like I do out there,” he said with a wink, before acknowledging Snap with a nod, “He can ride with me. We gonna see ya up in Colorado Springs?”

“No, I’m heading out to Amarillo, got an uncle out there with some work for me,” Snap waved, starting his walk back to his own truck and calling back over his shoulder, “Good luck hitchin’ your way, Finn. Try not to let Dameron drive ya crazy before ya get to Colorado!” 

He disappeared into the crowded lot and all of a sudden it was just Finn and the stranger from the diner and the courtyard of the motel and the rodeo show and his dog. 

“You got a place to stay tonight, Finn?” Poe asked, looking from his dog back to Finn. “The fairgrounds let us keep the horses stabled overnight and I’d rather set out first thing in the morning, if that’s fine by you,” he shrugged, adding on, “If you don’t got a place to stay, I’m at the motel right around the corner, you might be able to get yourself a room.” 

Finn felt a mix of emotions — antsy to get on the road as soon as possible, pumped up by the adrenaline of the rodeo and this turn of events, relief that the way Poe spoke made it seem like he definitely hadn’t seen Finn in the window in the wee hours of the morning. He wasn’t exactly in a position to negotiate leaving in the dead of the night after Poe had no doubt had a long day, especially if he was asking Poe to drive him. “Uh, no. But I can just get myself a room,” Finn nodded. 

Poe offered another smile, this one calmer. Soothing, even. “Alright, then hop in,” he said as he patted the passenger door, circling around to the driver’s side as he called, “Sooner I get some shut-eye, the sooner we can get out on the road.” 

****

***

__  
**Sunday**  


Finn’s night was restless. Some unfamiliar jittery feeling kept him awake, refusing to release its grasp as it coursed wildly through his veins. He managed to get a couple hours of broken sleep before finally giving up the cause entirely. Instead, he packed his things and waited, watching the horizon for the first light of day. 

When the sun started to break in the distance, he left his room and returned his key to the clerk at the front office again. As the light broke over Albuquerque, Finn stood in the courtyard, leaning against the fence, waiting patiently. If he had bothered to observe his surroundings more closely, he might have realized he was standing in the same spot where he’d watched Poe study the sky the night before. 

He was only there for five or ten minutes, lost in thought, before a sharp whistle startled him into the present. His head swung around to the direction of the noise and there he was — new clothes, a new hat, but that same smile. “Ya ready?” Poe called, his orange and white shepherd dog circling at his feet. 

Finn nodded, breathing deeply as he made his way over to where Poe was waiting at the edge of the parking lot. One of the many anxious thoughts that had insisted on keeping him up through the night had carried through to this morning; he had been half expecting to be waiting outside for hours, realizing far too late that Poe had gone on without him. 

Another part of him, a part he didn’t quite understand, wished that thought had come true. 

“Are you sure you’re still up for letting me ride with you?” Finn asked, noticing that Poe had extended a hand towards him. He shook it, even as he talked himself down, “I understand if you’d rather go it alone.” 

Poe shook his hand sincerely as the dog now took the opportunity to circle Finn’s legs too. “It’s no trouble at all, really, I’m already heading that way,” he released Finn’s hand and clapped him on the shoulder, guiding them both in the direction of where his truck was parked, “Besides, seems like Bebe likes you.” 

The dog barked at the sound of its own name, her circle expanding from just around Finn to big looping laps around the two men. “Bebe,” Finn repeated and the dog let out another little bark. “She’s a herding dog?” 

“Yeah, Australian shepherd,” Poe nodded. They arrived at his truck and he opened the rear seat door, another sharp whistle alerting the dog to jump up into the seat. “They grow ‘em real mean down there, as you can see.” Finn chuckled. 

And just like that, they were at Poe’s truck, and it was settled; there was nowhere to go and no protestation to be made. They were riding together. 

“You’ve done this before? The hitchhiking all over?” Poe asked him as he started up the truck. First they would need to collect Poe’s horse and trailer from the fairgrounds, then they could hit the open road. 

Finn bit at the inside of his cheek. Something he had considered throughout the night was how many questions Poe might ask him, and how truthful he had to be when answering them. The feeling was rooted in a need for self-preservation, some looming sense that if he was honest about where he was coming from, why he was leaving, and where he was going, he was only subjecting himself to the possibility of personal danger. 

“No, not really,” Finn answered, glancing out the passenger side window. He wanted to provide a qualifier, to say something else but couldn’t think of anything. 

Poe hummed in response, as if he had never considered that might be true. 

They arrived at the nearly empty fairgrounds and circled around to where the trailers had been parked, near the stables housing horses of all shapes and sizes. Finn helped attached the small single trailer to the back of Poe’s truck and watched as the man cooed over the sleek brown horse from the night before. He loaded the horse in, secured the trailer then hopped back into the truck’s cab, Finn following suit. 

“Alright, here we go,” Poe started up the truck and started off the fairgrounds. As they pulled out of the exit and back on to the main road, Poe asked nonchalantly, “You said Texas, right?” 

Finn’s stomach twisted into a knot so fiercely he almost doubled over. “Colorado?” he said weakly, a hair’s breadth away from begging this stranger not to take him back to Texas. Had it all been an elaborate trick? Was this man with the warm brown eyes and the movie star smile a bounty hunter hired to drag him back to the ranch? 

“What?” Poe said, glancing over with alarm at the sudden panic on Finn’s face. “No, I meant where you’re from. Yesterday, you said Texas, right?” his brows were furrowed, concern written across his facial features. Finn couldn’t remember the last time someone looked so worried on his behalf. “What’s the matter, you a wanted man down there or something?”

Finn swallowed thickly, wishing that he had had the foresight to get some coffee or water from the motel before he’d checked out. “Oh, y-yeah. I mean no, no I’m not wanted, but yes, I’m from there,” Finn stumbled over the words, flattening the palms of his hands against the sides of his legs to keep them from shaking. He turned his face fully to the passenger side window, hiding from Poe’s too curious gaze. “West Texas, outside of El Paso.”

“El Paso,” Poe repeated. There was still a hint of concern in his voice, but it was easier to ignore when Finn was staring at the landscape, buildings, people flying past in the window. 

“Hablas español?”

Poe’s tone is suddenly different, liquid smooth and almost hopeful. Finn can’t help but turn back to glance at Poe, studying his face for indications that he might be joking. Poe’s eyes are on the road but he glances over regardless, curiosity cocking his eyebrow. 

“Un poco, pero no bien,” Finn started to say, shaking his head and hurriedly tacking on, “Not really. Las vacas, los caballos, you know, just ranch stuff.” Finn had never had to learn much Spanish, as the few times they’d crossed the border for trading or visits, there always seemed to be a translator around to smooth out their conversational needs. “Are you from Mexico?” Finn asked, seeing as the only people he’d ever met that spoke Spanish were from Juárez. 

Poe’s face seemed to relax, the corner of his lips twitching up slightly as he shook his head. “My parents were from Guatemala,” Poe nodded, adding quickly, “It’s below Mexico. When they were young they traveled up through Mexico to the States, got some land out in Nevada, got married, then got me.”

Finn had never had the luxury to consider romance or love stories. The way he had been raised, the only love stories that existed were the ones in the Bible, the ones between God and the people who devoutly followed his word. But the sound of traversing a foreign country, striking out somewhere completely new and strange with a person you were dedicated to spending the rest of your life with, filled Finn’s heart, first with love and then with envy. 

There was a brief moment of silence, followed by Finn saying something he instantly regretted. 

“I didn’t know my parents.” 

In the moment, he wanted to throw the car door open and jump out into the road. Why would he feel compelled to say something like that? What did he think would come of this conversation? For someone who wasn’t sure about answering questions or sharing information about himself, he sure found it easy to throw out a deeply personal truth as if it were a comment on the weather. 

“Oh. I’m sorry.” 

Finn was boring holes in the passenger window with his eyes, willing it to shatter so there’d be something to focus on other than the uncomfortable silence he had created. “It’s fine. My mama died when I was young and my dad was gone before I was born,” he snapped his own mouth shut. He wouldn’t allow himself to divulge any more of this nonsense, any of these unnecessary complications, less than half an hour into a long drive with a stranger. 

There was the sound of shifting and then silence, except for the occasional whimper from the backseat, where Bebe seemed to have fallen asleep. When the landscape became less buildings and more long stretches of desert, when Finn had decided the he could shed the shame of his oversharing for a bit, he shifted his body back to face forward, stealing a glance over at Poe. 

The cowboy had removed his hat and placed it in the seat space between them. For the first time, Finn saw the mass of curls up close that had previously been hidden. His hair looked wild, but soft, cleaner than Finn would have imagined given the amount of sweat and dirt he’d observed at the rodeo. In some strange way, Finn almost wanted to reach out and put his fingers through it, to test if this too was some trick of the light. 

As if Poe could read Finn’s thoughts, he reached one hand up off the steering wheel to run through the curls, pushing and pulling, trying to sculpt something out of them. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Finn isn’t sure where the question came from or why he, as the guest and passenger, had a right to any information from Poe. 

The driver looked at Finn suddenly, almost as if he had thought Finn had been asleep. “Sure, shoot.”

“What’s in Colorado Springs?” Finn asked, tacking on for clarity, “What are you headed there for?” 

Poe smiled slightly, his hand falling back to the steering wheel. “Got a friend with a ranch up there, real nice place,” he gestured behind him, adding, “Whenever I come through this stretch of the country, I stop in and let the animals loose up there. She’s got a couple horses, some livestock.” 

A girlfriend? Finn supposed that wouldn’t be shocking, considering Poe’s good looks and charm, although the manner in which he was speaking of this woman didn’t seem all that romantic. Then again, Finn didn’t know a thing about romance. He hummed in response. 

Poe seemed to think for a moment, before offering, “You know, if you’re not in too much of a rush, she’d probably let you stay at her place for the night. Don’t know how quick you gotta get to Casper, but Jess is usually open to helping folks out.”

Finn blinked at him, wondering if that offer was sincere. Poe didn’t know him at all, and Finn knew he hadn’t exactly put his best foot forward in their interactions so far. If anything, he probably seemed like he had a screw or two loose in his head. Yet Poe glanced over at him, punctuating the thought with a half shrug and another smile and Finn knew in his gut that it was a genuine, kind offer. 

“Maybe,” Finn nodded, feeling the corners of his lips twitch up slightly, then realizing that he couldn’t remember the last time he really smiled. 

They drove for another half hour or so, mountain ridges in the distance rising and falling as they sped through the landscape. At one point, Bebe stirred from her slumber, getting up to sit in the seat directly behind Poe, looking out the window. When Finn glanced back at her, he couldn’t help but smile wider — he had had a shepherd years ago on the ranch back home, but that dog had never sat in a car seat like a child, gazing out at the world around it. 

“She’s cute,” Finn remarked, breaking the silence to look at Poe, asking, “How old is she?”

This time Poe’s face really lit up and his eyes went to the rearview mirror, trying to catch a glimpse of his dog. “She’s just about six,” he laughed slightly, as he added, “Seems like she’s pouting ‘cause you stole her seat.” 

Finn laughed, and Poe continued, “Got her as a gift just after she was born, right before I joined up. She was so little she could fit in the palm of my hand. She’s been all over the States, down to Mexico a few times and up to Canada once. Lot of guys that do the show circuit like to do it alone, just them or them and a horse, but I think that woulda driven me crazy.” 

As if she sensed they were talking about her, Bebe turned to look Finn square in the eyes, cocking her head slightly before letting out a curt bark. “Whoa girl,” Finn chided. He reached one arm behind their seats, offering his hand for her to sniff again. Instead, she burrowed her head under his hand, so that Finn’s hand landed squarely on her forehead. He obliged her with some scratches on the head and behind the ear. 

“You’ve been on the circuit for six years?” 

"Almost, although they’re not supposed to let anyone on the tour under 18, but if I told a couple white lies when I joined up, nobody could prove it now,” he chuckled. “I joined around 16, I turned 21 couple months ago, so I guess it’s been more like five years.”

“Wow,” Finn was genuinely surprised — he figured if anyone was doing that bull riding stuff for more than a couple months, they’d end up killed or maimed. “That’s a long time.”

Poe cocked his head, as if he had never considered that simple truth. “Huh. Yeah, I guess it is.” 

Finn released his hand from Bebe, turning back forward in his seat. He considered what it would be like to be on the road for five years, going from city to city, state to state. “Do you have somewhere you call home? Or are you just alway moving?” 

For a moment, Finn wasn’t sure that Poe had heard the question — his eyes were fixed out on the open road in front of him and he didn’t seem to acknowledge it. But then he spoke, softer, "My parents’ house is back in Nevada. Got a cousin there that looks after it most of the time. I’ll stop if I’m in town or if it’s on the way from one show to another, but…but it’s easier to keep moving.” 

Finn nodded, recognizing that it might be best not to continue down that line of questioning. Poe had had the decency not to question him about what happened to his parents, the least he could do was return the courtesy. 

There was more silence, more staring out at unending desert, more passing through towns that seemed entirely unoccupied. 

When the low rumble of Finn’s stomach cut through the silence, his hands flew to cover his stomach, as if that would somehow stifle the sound. He felt his cheeks flush, though he didn’t know what he was embarrassed for. As he turned to apologize, Poe was already smiling at him, one eyebrow cocked curiously as he asked, “Hungry? We can stop. I’d kill for some coffee.” 

Finn smiled weakly, but nodded, agreeing that he too would kill to finally get some coffee. 

****

***

Poe pulled into the parking lot of a diner that looked like its sole patronage was travelers passing through. He parked the truck and trailer in the far corner of the parking lot, each border of the parking lot outfitted with tie-up posts for horses, which were probably more helpful before the advent of cars. Still, Poe lead his horse out of the trailer and secured her with a lead that gave her enough space to graze if she needed to. Bebe walked at Poe’s feet to the entrance of the diner, stopping outside of the door and taking a seat. Finn marveled at how well trained she was, though if she had grown up on the road, he supposed she didn’t know any other way.

The diner was just like any other, including the one back in Albuquerque. This time, though, instead of sitting at opposite ends of the counter, Poe dropped himself into one side of a booth and Finn lowered himself into the other side. 

An elderly woman with silvery blue hair dropped two menus and two cups of coffee at table without a word, though Finn and Poe both thanked her kindly. 

Finn hadn’t realized how starving he was until this moment — he had hardly eaten at all the previous day, only picking up a couple of snacks during those longs hours at the rodeo. He would probably end up ordering a heaping plate of breakfast foods like he had the two previous mornings. He was so absorbed in his menu that he didn’t realize the waitress had come back and was taking Poe’s order; he looked up and both of their eyes were on him. “Oh, um,” he mumbled, looking back at the menu and nodding, “The special, please. Eggs scrambled and bacon, please.” He handed her the menu and she departed again. 

“You’re really hungry, huh?” Poe smiled, tapping his fingers on the table as he asked, “How long have you been on the run?” 

Finn felt the heat at the top of his cheeks again, but tried to beat it back. “Just a couple of days. Turns out hitchhiking is more time-consuming than I figured it’d be,” he mused. When he’d formulated the plan in his head to make a run for it, he thought he’d leave at dawn Friday and be in Casper before the weekend was over. It was clear now that wouldn’t be happening. 

“Well when you’re stopping off at rodeos, that takes up a bit of time,” Poe’s smile expanded and his tone lingered into something like playful teasing. There was a slight pause as Poe looked away, his eyes only moving back to Finn’s when he said softly, “I saw you in the grandstands last night. I remember your face.” 

If Finn thought he could stop the heat from rising throughout his face, warming every inch of skin from the nape of his neck to the tips of his ears, he was mistaken. How does one respond to something like, to being remembered as one out of a crowd of hundreds, maybe thousands?

“The man that picked me up in Texas, he told me I ought to go to the rodeo, especially since I’d never been to one before.” As he spoke, Finn’s eyes were cast down at his hands on the table, even though he could feel Poe’s eyes on him. “I liked it. Well, most of it,” he cleared his throat slightly, looking up to Poe’s curious eyes and furrowed his own brows in response, “I don’t know how you’ve done what you do for so long. It seems like you’d end up gored to death at some point in the last five years.” 

Finn watched intently as the laughter rippled over Poe’s face: from a teasing smile, to a huge grin, broken open to let out a joyous laugh. From the corners of his eyes, Finn could sense a couple of fellow diners looking over at the loud noise, but Poe didn’t seem to register or care. “Oh man, you sound like Jess. You two’ll get along great,” he remarked, and something about that settled in Finn’s chest comfortably. 

“People think it’s more dangerous than it is because people don’t understand how to do it right. Even those other guys out there that try to compete against me, they think it’s about going fast and acting wild, trying to match the energy of the steer,” Poe shook his head, raising his coffee cup to his lips and taking a sip before continuing, “It’s about intuition. It’s not about becoming reckless, it’s about imagining how you would react if someone was chasing you down and trying to grab you by the horns. Most guys get out there and get distracted by the crowd or the lights, or they feel like they gotta perform. I learned real quick that that ain’t the way to do it if you want to keep from being…how’d you say it, gored to death?”

He had been speaking so concisely, so intently about his method, that as he shifted back to teasing, Finn couldn’t help a wide smile from pulling across his face. “If you say so,” Finn hummed, bringing his own cup to his lips and drinking greedily. If he timed it right, he might get three cups of coffee in his system before they were back on the road. 

“I do,” Poe nodded, his smile settling softly on his face. “You said you worked on a cattle farm down in Texas, right? Is that your work?”

Finn considered the question, realizing for the first time that he hadn’t thought about what he would do once he got to Wyoming. If he had to explore his subconscious, he supposed that he just assumed that wherever he ended up there’d be more farms or ranches that needed hired help. “I guess you could say so,” Finn pondered, looking across at Poe and shrugging, “It’s all I’ve ever done was raise livestock. I guess that’s what I’ll keep going on doing, if I can find the work.”

Poe’s eyes widened slightly, his features giving his surprise away. “You don’t got work lined up wherever you’re going? What are you going up there for then?” 

Another question Finn didn’t know how to share the answer to. There wasn’t any shame in telling the truth, and he supposed that Poe was only one person to help him on this adventure, he wouldn’t be the one taking him all the way to Casper. But it was a secret he had kept for so long, had buried so deep to keep from relaying any detail of it to anyone, it felt blasphemous to share it. 

“I’ve got a friend waiting for me up there,” he said, weighing his thoughts and feelings before continuing to tell the truth, “She said if I ever wanted to leave Texas, she would help me find my way up where she lives in Casper. Decided it was about time to take her up on the offer.” 

Poe’s face was neutral, calmly and intently listening. It was almost enough to draw more out of Finn, but he withheld. This was still a stranger, after all, and just because he had been kind and gracious so far, didn’t mean that couldn’t change. 

“Well that’s something. You said you ain’t been up to Wyoming before?” Poe asked. When Finn shook his head no, a slight smile returned to Poe’s face, “It’s really nice up there. Lots of nature, the weather’s not too bad either. Although I ain’t been up to Casper in the dead of winter, so that might not be a fair statement.” 

Finn gave a small laugh, before sharing, “I ain’t ever seen snow before, you think that’ll be a problem?” 

Poe matched his laugh, exclaiming, “Texas boy seeing snow for the first time! Can’t imagine what that’d be like.” 

Before Finn could respond, or acknowledge that sickly sweet feeling in the center of his chest, their food had arrived. Within moments, they were both ravenously tearing through their greasy piles of American classics: pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns, all the works. The waitress came by every so often to top off their cups of coffee, but until their plates were practically wiped clean, they hardly spoke a word. 

“God that was good,” Poe finally exhaled when he pushed his plate away from him, wiping his mouth with a napkin. He looked over at Finn’s plate, which was almost spotless, and smiled, “The server’ll probably think we were starved for days.” Finn washed down his last bite with the remaining swig of his coffee before sighing contently, “I don’t think I’ve ever had a better meal.” 

The waitress came and dropped two checks on the table, clearing away their plates without any fanfare or remarks. Without hesitating, Finn reached for both of the slips of paper, glancing up at Poe and saying, “Let me buy your meal. It’s the least I could do, for letting me ride with you.” 

Poe scrunched up his nose. “You don’t have to do that,” he said, his voice more concerned than anything as he added, “I won my event last night, let me get it.”

“All the more reason for me to get it,” he said, giving Poe a wide smile as he held the checks in one hand, pulling money out of his pocket with the other hand, “You shouldn’t have to pay for your own victory breakfast.” 

He glanced at the checks, the total for two with a tip rounding out to about eight dollars. He laid the two checks out with the money laid on top of them, pushing them to the edge of the table for the waitress. When he looked up, Poe’s face was harder to read, though he didn’t seem too upset, which was all Finn could hope for. 

On the way out, Poe pulled something from his pocket — a napkin that he unwrapped to reveal a triangle cut of toast. Just outside the diner’s door, Bebe jumped to her feet and let out a yap, her butt wiggling in place enthusiastically. Poe tossed her the toast and she chomped it down in a few eager bites. The interaction was simple and understated, and Finn was reminded again of all the things he didn’t yet know about tenderness.


	2. Colorado Springs & Denver

**Colorado Springs**

They cross the border from New Mexico to Colorado without too much fanfare, though Finn eagerly points out the sign marking the invisible line in the sand. Internally, Finn’s emotions swell up inside of him and he’s afraid he’ll burst. He’s officially put an entire state between him and Texas, between the life that had become too unbearable to endure and a bright new future.

_Hopefully._

He had noticed the shifting landscape as they’d approached the stateline, but the further they drove through Colorado, the more the scenery developed around them. What had once been arid and vast desert began to bloom into lush greenery enveloping gorgeous mountains, the roads delicately weaving through endless nature. Even the little roadside towns that popped up along the highway were so quaintly tucked into their surroundings, as if the great green trees had birthed fully formed communities. 

While his eyes were mostly glued to the passenger side window, a few times Finn glanced over at Poe, as if to remark about how incredible everything around them was. Each time he turned to face the driver, though, Poe had this knowing smile that made Finn feel understood without having to say a word. Instead, he would just swing his face back to his window, his own smile so wide it hurt. 

In no time at all, they were driving past a mile marker that read ‘Colorado Springs’. The initial sense of recognition of a place he had never been was quickly cut down in Finn’s mind by another, sharper thought. 

_This is the end of the road for us, isn’t it?_

Poe had only agreed to take him as far as Colorado Springs. And while he had offered his friend’s home as hospitality (which Finn still wasn’t sure about taking, given it had come from Poe and not her directly), that would be the last of it. At most he could stay for an hour or two, then he’d have to get back on the road to try and find another ride to take him even further north. 

The thought filled him with a sadness deeper than he expected. 

_How could parting ways with a stranger he barely knew affect him so strongly?_

It was a question he didn’t know how to answer. 

“Buddy?”

The word cut threw Finn’s thoughts, turning his attention back to the man addressing him. When Finn looked over at Poe, wild-eyed with confusion, Poe chuckled. “Day dreaming or something?” 

Finn gave a weak smile, murmuring back, “Or something.” 

This made Poe laugh again. “Well, while you were up in space, I was saying that we’re about fifteen minutes or so from Jess’ place. And I’ve just been thinking—” he started, pausing for a moment before continuing, “I’m really excited for you guys to meet.” 

Even the second time around, it was strange to hear Poe make that statement. After all, as much as Poe was a stranger to him, he was a stranger to Poe; why was he so sure his friend and a stranger would get along? 

Finn nodded wordlessly. 

Just as Poe had estimated, fifteen minutes later they were pulling just off the road into a dirt driveway approaching a steel gate. Poe jumped out of the cab, the truck idling as he approached the gate. He seemed to fumble around a couple of his pockets before fishing out a key to unlock the padlock holding the gate closed. He pulled the lock from the gate and pushed it open wide enough for the truck to pull through. Every motion was part of a distinct and careful routine, and even as Poe trotted back over to the driver’s side door and hopped in, an easy smile across his face, Finn ached for something so simple yet so deeply personal.

When they’d pulled through enough to clear it, Poe hopped out again to lock the gate behind them. Finn took the opportunity to lean forward, taking in the sprawling ranch in front of him. The house was situated up ahead on the dirt path, and while it didn’t look like much, it was surrounded by a great green yard that stretched out far enough that Finn couldn’t see a fence or border to speak of. Beyond the house, Finn could make out a good-sized barn, which probably housed the stables Poe had mentioned earlier. The ranch was enormous compared to the farm he’d grown up on, but something about the scenic greenery all around them, the looming mountains standing guard on the horizon, made the place seem like another world entirely. 

Poe was practically giddy as he jumped back in the truck cab and pulled up to the house, slamming his hand down on the horn. This caused Bebe to jump up from the backseat where she’d been laying down. She seemed to recognize her surroundings too, pacing back and forth between the windows in the back seat and whining eagerly. They were both buzzing with energy, excited to be somewhere that clearly meant a lot. 

Finn sank in his seat, feeling a little lost and lonely. 

Like the sun parting the overcast grey clouds above them, a woman emerged from the front door onto the wraparound porch, dressed simply in jeans and a white t-shirt. Her brown hair was pulled up, a bandana tied across the crown of her head to keep any loose strands from falling in her face. She was wiping her hands with a towel, but threw it over her shoulder and crossed her arms, a smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth as the truck rolled to a stop at the front of the house. 

Poe had barely thrown the truck in park before he was jumping out of the car, leaping over the couple steps and pulling her up in a hug, sweeping her up off her feet. The gesture was so intimate Finn had to look away, looking down at his fumbling hands as he let himself out of the truck cab. Bebe yapped at the back seat window, demanding to be released, and Finn opened the door for her. She too sprinted up onto the porch, circling around the two embracing humans and yapping excitedly. Finn lumbered slowly around to the driver’s side of the truck, leaning against the truck door and watching as Poe chattered with Jess. The woman seemed to be nodding along, answering every once in a while with a word or two as she leaned down to scratch Bebe.

Finn couldn’t hear what their conversation was about, could only see that Poe was talking a mile a minute, gesturing wildly with his hands. It occurred to him then that he had no idea how long it was since they had seen each other, or even how long they’d known each other. Hell, he still didn’t know whether this was just a friendship or something more. 

All of a sudden, Poe was gesturing in his direction, and then they were both staring at him. Poe beckoned him over, his mouth still moving as he glanced from Finn to Jess and back again. 

His legs were cinderblocks, he was unable to move. He didn’t want to become swallowed up by other people’s intimacy, he didn’t want to impose his unusual circumstances onto either of them. But he had no choice but to put one foot in front of the other, cautiously approaching the porch and stopping just short of the steps. 

“How do you do, miss,” he greeted, his voice sounding like it was somewhere very distant from the rest of his body. 

Poe seemed to roll his eyes slightly, though the grin on his face remained, “Come on, buddy.” His hand reached out to gently grasp Finn by the forearm, pulling him up onto the porch with such a lightness that Finn felt like he was floating there. Poe’s hand stayed tucked into the crook of Finn’s elbow as he introduced them. “Finn, this is my friend Jessika Pava. Jess, this is…this is Finn.” 

The woman looked Finn up and down, and he noticed the way her eyes flickered to Poe’s grip on his arm, because his focus too was on the warmth of Poe’s hand through his shirt sleeve. “Pleasure to meet you Finn,” she greeted him, her voice deeper than he’d expected. 

She extended a hand and he took it without hesitation, nodding as he shook her hand and saying softly, “The pleasure is all mine, Ms Pava.” 

Her sly smirk turned into a smile and she shook her head. “‘Jess’ is fine, no need for ‘miss’,” she nodded, releasing his hand as she asked, “What brings you up to Colorado?”

Finn looked at Poe for a moment, which seemed to remind the cowboy that he no longer needed to be holding his forearm. Poe looked at his hand and released Finn’s arm, flexing his fingers as he brought them back to his side. “Actually, I’m just passing through,” Finn cleared his throat before continuing, “I’m on my way to Casper, Wyoming. Poe was just kind enough to get me this far.” 

She looked at Poe, a glimmer in her eye as she nodded, “Yeah, he has that way about him doesn’t he?” 

Poe rolled his eyes as he said, “I’m just helping the way any decent man would.” 

The woman seemed to exchange a look with Poe before she said, “Now a decent man wouldn’t leave his horse all cooped up in that trailer any longer than he needed.” She nodded towards the trailer and said, “Go take her ‘round back. Got a couple open stalls back there, take whichever one you’d like.”

Before either of them could respond, her gaze turned to Finn and she asked, “Why don’t you come on inside, Finn? I can put some coffee on or fix up some tea for us.”

Finn started to protest, saying, “Oh, I can help Poe—”

“No, no, head on inside,” Poe said, clapping his hand on Finn’s shoulder with enough force to sway them both as he continued, “I can take care of all that stuff.”

“But my bag—”

“I’ll bring it in for ya,” Poe nodded as he passed behind them and down the steps, calling over his shoulder, “I’ll be in in no time.” 

There was no time to say anything else as Poe bounded up into the truck, shifting it back into gear and slowly ambling further down the path that Finn could only assume led back to the stables he had seen earlier. 

Then it was him and another stranger, this one with sincere brown eyes that were boring holes through his skull. “Shall we?” 

She turned on the heel of what Finn could now see were well worn boots and headed inside. Finn followed.

*******

Through the opening hallway of her home, which was lined with pictures of livestock and rodeo shows, Finn followed Jess slowly until the corridor opened to a sprawling kitchen, with windows that looked out over what seemed to be a personal pasture. The barn was out to the right side of the property, Poe’s truck parked in front of it but Poe nowhere to be seen.

“So what’ll it be, coffee or iced tea?” She asked, gesturing for him to sit at a long, rectangular table in the center of the room. Finn didn’t know what to make of this situation, didn’t feel comfortable about his personal imposition, even if he had been invited into her home. 

“Tea is just fine,” he cleared his throat, glancing over at her as he took a seat at the table.

She moved around her kitchen with purpose, never making an extraneous move. Her kitchen seemed enormous compared to the one Finn had grown up cooking and cleaning in, yet she deftly found a tray and glasses, a pitcher and ice. It was only a minute before she was setting the tray on the table, taking the two glasses with ice and setting one in front of Finn and the other across from him. She poured iced tea in both before returning the pitcher to the tray. Only then did she finally seat herself across from him. 

They looked at each other for a long time, the way any pair of strangers thrown together by a mutual party might. She seemed young, probably only a couple years older than Poe, but the way she pulled her shoulders up to sit straight, the directness of her gaze, gave her an authority that made Finn straighten up slightly. He took a long sip of his drink and was thinking of ways to formulate a conversation when she spoke first. 

“So…what are you running from?” Her voice, like her pointed gaze, was intense. She did not seem combative, just assured that there was no need for beating around the bush. 

Finn almost choked on his drink, setting the glass down and bringing his other hand to his mouth. He managed to swallow, though still needed to clear his throat as he fought to breathe through his constricted throat. It felt impossible to look at her, as if she would unravel him with a glance. 

“I-I’m not—” he started to say, cutting himself off for a moment as he racked his brain for what action he could’ve done to give himself away. “Did Poe say that to you? That I was running away from something?”

The corners of Jess’ lips turned up, but it was not a smile, not really. There was no joy to the expression, just a somber sort of amusement. “No. Of course not,” she lifted her glass to her lips, her gaze looking past Finn as she took a long drink. When she set the glass down, her eyes were still distant. “But I know the look. I know the feeling,” she brought her eyes back to Finn’s, nodding, “And you’ve got that look.”

_That look,_ the voice in the back of his head jeered, _she knows what you are._

He shook his head, insisting once again, “I’m just going somewhere new, meeting up with an old friend. I’m not running.” 

The woman measured him up, her eyes taking full stock as he sat slightly slumped. She didn’t seem to buy it, but she also didn’t seem to want to push him on it. “Alright,” she said cooly. The air between them felt tense, but she wasn’t stressed or upset, that was just him. “Then tell me about where you came from. And where you’re going.” 

Was it senseless paranoia to feel like this woman was trying to trap him, like she was digging for some secret motive or crime? Or was she just a concerned homeowner and friend questioning a stranger for the safety of herself and Poe? And why did Finn ache for Poe to return, to help take some of the heat off of him?

“Came up from Texas. A cattle town outside of El Paso, near the border,” he told her, his voice losing confidence as he continued, “Heading up to Casper to see a friend. She’s offered to help me get started up there.”

“Girlfriend?” 

His face flashed with heat, his eyes anywhere except for hers. “No, no, just a friend,” he cleared his throat, trying to draw his gaze back up with some degree of dignity. 

She made an audible ‘hm’ noise, waiting until the moment that he could finally look her in the eyes before she looked back off into the distance, out towards the barn. From far away, the sound of Poe’s truck engine grumbled. 

“When I met Poe, I had joined up on the circuit in Little Rock. I won’t tell you what I was running from, it ain’t important anymore.” Her voice and features became softer then, the light from the window illuminating the warmth and softness in her eyes. It was as if she was cast into another time, when she was a teenager herself. The anguish and the fear that knotted up Finn’s stomach was there in her throat as she tried to swallow around it. Despite their lack of familiarity, she was opening up some deeply held truth to him and he leaned forward in anticipation without realizing it. 

“We helped each other out a lot those first few months, but it didn’t take me long to realize that running away don’t solve a problem. And I’ll tell you just like I told him, racing horses and letting bulls kick the shit out of you don’t solve anything either. So I got out and I dealt with the thing that really drove me out of my home. And it was hard, but I survived it. Not everyone can say that.”

Finn swallowed thickly, his muscles tight and strained all over his body. In some ways, Finn wished he could start over. He wished that when she had asked him what he was running from, that he had told her everything in his life that had torn him apart and had landed him on her doorstop. She wasn’t trying to trap him, she was trying to help him get free. 

The rumble of the truck grew stronger as Poe pulled back up to the front of the house, and Finn had to clear his throat again. He knew he didn’t look any different, but he felt raw and exposed. He felt like Jess had seen right through him and now Poe might be able to as well. 

Jess reached across the table and took one of Finn’s hands in hers, squeezing it gently. 

Poe burst into the room bringing with him an energy that had been voided by the tense conversation. “Hey now,” he called, stopping just short of the table as he smiled, “Buddy are you fixin’ to take my girl?” 

Finn’s fingers flexed, but Jess didn’t release his hand. If she registered his instant sense of panic, his knee-jerk reaction to absolve the situation, she didn’t seem to care to appease it. 

“You and I both know well enough that you ain’t got a girl for the taking,” she teased him back, nodding up at his head as she added, “And you know the rule. No hats on in the house.”

It was only then that she released Finn’s hand, patting it lightly as she pushed herself up from the table. “Go on, sit down, I’ll get you a glass,” she said, patting Poe’s shoulder as she passed him. 

Poe’s grin was as remarkable as ever, nearly contagious as he pulled the hat off his head, sitting at the head of the table, squarely between Finn and Jess’ now empty spot. He tossed the hat down to the other end of the table before turning to Finn. “How was it? Didn’t say anything too unsavory about me, I hope?” His tone was joking, but his voice was a low whisper, as if he was truly giving Finn space to air any grievances. 

“Not at all,” Finn smiled back weakly, glancing over at Jess as she made her way back to the table, setting a glass of ice in front of Poe. “Just getting to know each other.”

Poe turned to flash his smile at Jess instead, sighing, “Good. I knew you two’d get along.” 

“Oh yeah?” Jess asked as she passed him the pitcher, returning to her seat and asking, “And how’d you know that, oh wise one?” 

“Because he said bulldoggin’ was stupid.”

Finn shook his head, pointing a finger at Poe as he said, “I didn’t say it was stupid. I said I was surprised you hadn’t gotten yourself killed yet!” 

"And where have I heard that one before?” Poe said with a teasing roll of his eyes, letting them land on Jess. 

She responded with an eye roll of her own, before she nodded over at Finn. “I can trust that you’re not going to join the circuit, then? You seem too sensible to do something that foolish.” 

Finn actually didn’t see a problem with most of the events he had seen at the rodeo, especially the competitions that just involved a rider and a horse. He was skilled enough on horseback that he could probably fit well enough into the rodeo shows, though he knew that he was lacking in the larger talent of showmanship. 

“No,” he said resolutely, looking over at Poe with a smile as he added, “I think that’s best left in the hands of the professionals.”

Poe smiled back at him, warm and kind. 

“Speaking of professionals,” Jess spoke up again, her eyes turning to Poe as well as she said, “I got a bit of a project for you, if you’re fixin’ to be in town for a day or two and if you’re up for it.” She glanced at Finn, nodding, “Actually, Finn, you might be able to help with it. I’d pay you both in food and shelter, maybe even a couple of bucks on top of that.” 

Finn was hesitant to volunteer to stay even longer than the next hour or so — he really ought to be getting on the road, to try and start cutting down the distance between himself and his destination. But the thought of a couple home-cooked meals and a reason to stay in the pleasant company of Poe and Jess for a little longer was surely tempting. 

“What kind of project?” Poe asked, taking a swig of his tea before cocking an eyebrow, asking, “Not helping to breed the horses again? You know how well that went last time.” 

She laughed heartily, but shook her head. “No, you weren’t cut out to be a breeder,” she teased, glancing between the two of them as she continued, “I’m fixing up a pipe stall ring out there for the horses, the old one rusted out in a couple spots and the meaner ones busted through. Just gotta haul away the last of the old pieces and help finish setting up the new ones, should only take a couple days tops. Willing to stick around that long?” 

It was unclear who the question was really addressed to, but Poe picked it up first, shrugging easily and saying, “Well I was already planning on spending a few free days here, if you don’t mind hosting me and the dog.”

“You know you’re always welcome to stay here as long as you like. Bebe even more so,” she teased, this time turning to Finn and asking, “What about you, Finn? Think you’d be willing to hang out here for a day or two? You can send a postcard up to your friend, if you’d like, let her know you’re in Colorado and on your way. Or give her a call from town.”

Finn considered those options, glancing from Jess to Poe. Something about the way the cowboy looked at him, with that glimmer in his eyes and the impossible smile goading him on. “Okay, I suppose I could stay for the night, if you really don’t mind.” 

Jess reacted with a beautiful smile of her own, “Not at all, it would be my pleasure to have you.” 

And just like that, Finn was spending the night in Colorado Springs.

*******

That afternoon, Poe and Jess gave Finn a grand tour of her home. It was a sprawling ranch home with five bedrooms and three bathrooms, the kitchen that Finn had admired, a living room just off that, and porches in the front and back. When Jess went down the hall to show Finn where he would be staying, they were both surprised to see that his bag was already placed neatly on the bed in the room across from the bedroom where Poe would stay.

“What? Wishful thinking that you’d stay,” Poe had smiled, clapping his shoulder again in that way that made both of their bodies sway. Finn’s body was flushed with warmth. 

When they finished seeing the inside of the house, they took a stroll out on the property, Bebe happily doing laps around the three of them. Jess was recounting stories or listing off updates to Poe about people Finn didn’t know, but he never felt excluded. To the contrary, each of the two took turns filling in gaps of information that pieced together halves of stories, and even if most of it still didn’t make sense, Finn was happy just to be included. 

The stables were decent — Jess pointed out the three horses that belonged to her, Poe’s mare, and the four other horses that she was boarding. Her income was made a variety of ways, between boarding livestock, teaching riding lessons, and breeding horses to sell, and she had made a good name for herself in Colorado Springs over the last couple years. 

After the grand tour of the barn, they continued to the furthest edge of the property line, Jess pointing them towards a makeshift riding corral that had a section of piping busted down. She explained that the structure had come with the house and that she’d meant to replace the decaying parts long before they’d rusted out, but when a particularly troublesome filly had kicked clear through them a month or so ago, she had to speed up that process. She had started the long process of replacing the old hardware for new sections of piping, but had relied on the schedules of others around town which had turned out to be a time consuming process. But since they were there anyway, they could help finish the last couple stages of hauling out the old pieces away and installing new ones. 

It didn’t seem like too difficult a project; Finn had actually helped build riding corrals and pipe stalls on quite a few farms back home, and told Jess as much. To that, she lifted an eyebrow teasingly, quipping back, “Careful with saying stuff like that around here. I might not let you leave for Wyoming after all.” 

As they made their way back to the house, Finn outlined a plan of action that seemed the most feasible: clearing the remainder of the old piping out would take half a day, installing what was left of the new structure probably another half a day. If they started soon, they’d be done before lunchtime tomorrow. 

“No, no, you don’t have to start today,” Jess shook her head, pointing out, “Y’all just got here, I’m not going to put you to hard labor right away. Take it easy tonight, get some rest and let me treat you to a real meal. We can start first thing tomorrow morning.” 

Finn didn’t feel as if he needed to rest — all he’d done was sit in a car for a few hours, it hadn’t exactly been strenuous. But Poe was quick to take her up on the newly proposed timeline. “Sounds like a good plan,” he agreed, cocking his head slightly as he asked, “Now about those horses you’re stabling, they need to be taken out?” 

She laughed, rolling her eyes as she said, “Is that the only reason you come up here anymore? To eat all my food and ride other people’s horses?” When he shrugged slightly, she threw up her hands, adding, “I took the two mares out this morning. If you two want to take the other two out, that’s up to y’all. That trail you like going up to Mountain’s Edge is cleared and open again, and they like that one.” 

Poe seemed delighted, throwing an arm around Finn’s shoulder as he asked, “What do ya say, wanna go for a ride?”

*******

It took a few minutes for Finn to get situated up on the chestnut and white pinto from Jess’ stable. He’d spent nearly every day of his life on a horse, so he didn’t think the few days of travel in which he hadn’t had the opportunity to ride would affect him, but his hands felt clumsy and stupid trying to saddle her up. And the longer it took, the more simple mistakes that his hands tripped over, the more foolish he felt. It took Poe less than a minute to get his horse, a black American quarter horse, tacked up and out of the stable, jumping up into the saddle with ease. Of course Poe was a professional, but if he’d been back home with one of his horses, it would’ve taken Finn no time at all.

When they did finally get out onto the property, though, muscle memory straightened his spine and tightened the muscles in his thighs, letting him ease into a comfortable riding position. Poe was leading, as he knew the trails that branched off from Jess’ property, and getting to follow in the rhythmic cadence, watching Poe’s body sway in his saddle, brought a sense of calm over the nerves that had shaken him up. 

The trail was impossibly beautiful, unlike anything Finn had seen in Texas. It wound through thick forest greens, the hint of great towering mountains always looming in the distance. As they made their way down the trail, it came to run parallel to a stream that trickled steadfastly into a river. Between the gentle huffs of the horses, the chirps and chatter of the birds and animals housed in the trees, and the hypnotic babbling of the water as it flowed through, Finn had never felt so lost in the natural world. It was enough to make him want to stay here in the woods, to set up his life somewhere hidden away from the rest of the world, where the only sounds were those of nature moving on around him. 

And Poe’s singing, which was soft and secretive. It seemed every few minutes or so, Poe would break into a quiet melody or hum some unfamiliar tune to himself. It wasn’t for Finn’s benefit, as he could hardly hear from where he followed behind, but each time Poe started with a new few lines, Finn wanted to ask him to sing a little louder. The only thing that stopped him from doing so was the fear that if he mentioned it, Poe would get startled or embarrassed and stop singing altogether. Instead, Finn took what he could get over the rest of nature’s sounds, closing his eyes and embracing peace for the first time in a very long time. 

After a little while Finn’s horse slowed to a stop, following the lead as Poe slowed his own horse. Poe turned to face him, asking, “How ya feeling? Need to turn back?” 

Finn shook his head. “I could go on forever. It’s beautiful out here.”

“Yeah,” Poe agreed, smiling wistfully. Finn half-expected Poe to look around, observing all the beauty as he had, but Poe just continued looking at him, adding, “I could do this forever too.” 

It was up to Finn to break the too steady gaze, turning his head towards the river, although he couldn’t rid himself of the smile that was etched permanently on his face. “Why don’t you, then?” Finn was addressing the river, lifting his voice above the sound of the water as he pointed out, “Jess told me you two used to be on the circuit together, that she got out so she could live out here. You could do that too. With her.” 

Finn chanced a look back at Poe, who had managed to turn his horse around so that now they were facing each other. Poe’s smile had changed to something bittersweet, his eyes distant for a moment before coming back to meet Finn’s. “Let’s head back. Don’t want to be caught out here too late,” he said, nodding back down the path they’d came down.

Finn felt an immediate sense of regret, knowing that he’d said something wrong for this to be the outcome. He spurred his horse forward, maneuvering in such a way that Poe was no longer leading, but rather that they were riding in tandem, side by side down the trail. 

“I’m sorry,” Finn said, trying to understand what he’d said wrong. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” 

Poe’s face softened and he chuckled slightly, shaking his head. His eyes stayed forward as he shrugged one shoulder, “Don’t apologize, you didn’t say anything wrong. It’s just—” 

He cut himself off and was silent for a long time. Somehow, Finn understood what he was trying to say. 

When Poe spoke again, the airiness that had marked his voice throughout the day, the ease with which he’d spoken in every circumstance Finn had seen him in, was gone. There was a new sincerity that was heavy in the air between them. “My father was an incredible rider. He grew up riding horses and when I was little, he put me on a horse at the very first chance he got. Before I could even walk, he had me out with him in the saddle, just riding around our land, during lessons for other kids, or riding into town. When I did learn to walk, I walked my little legs right out to the stables where the horses were, and I rode ponies on my own until I was old enough to ride the full grown horses. My dad was there every step of the way, teaching me the basics of riding, then teaching me racing and trick-riding. He was a master, could’ve been a champion of any competition you’d have thrown him in, and I couldn’t have admired anyone more.” 

Poe’s eyes were distant, focusing on the path ahead despite Finn’s captivated staring. 

“One day we were out riding together, racing through some plot of desert behind the house and I broke away out in front of him — I had never found a way to beat him in a race before, had never gone so fast in my life. I was a good hundred feet ahead when I looked back and saw him slumped over, his horse startled and scared because she didn’t understand what was going on. By the time I got him back to the house I knew he was gone, there was no life left in his body, but I couldn’t believe it. I was hysterical, nobody could console me. Not just that day, but the weeks that followed, everyone seemed to move on except for me and my mother, and even she only made it a couple months before she just,” he sighed, swallowing hard before continuing, “Broken-hearted, passed in her sleep.”

“And then it was just me and I thought if I stayed in that house any longer, I would die too. So I took off to join the rodeo, sixteen and stupid. I have family out there who said they’d take care of the house. One of my cousins, he gave me Bebe to take on the road with me. I think he thought she’d help keep me sane, which she did. And still does.”

He let out a long, wavering breath, and when he glanced over at Finn, his cheeks were streaked and wet, but he didn’t sob or cry. 

“Sorry, haven’t told that story in a while,” he huffed out a weak laugh as he wiped his face on his shirt sleeve. “You’d think all these years and all these miles would make it easier, but it doesn’t. I guess that’s why I don’t stop. Or can’t. Because I don’t know what’ll happen if I do.” 

Finn wished he could do anything to alleviate the overwhelming grief that Poe was processing, had been struggling with for all these years. He wondered if this was what it would be like for him, too, if five years on down the road he’d still be holding onto the grief and panic. He knew himself well enough to know that he’d probably end up the same way. 

Maybe God had crossed their paths for that reason. 

“I’m so sorry,” Finn said softly. He wanted to offer something, his hand, his arms, wanted to wrap Poe up in comfort and warmth. It was a difficult objective considering they were riding horses in the middle of nowhere. 

Then the movie star smile was back, the effortless charm flowing like water over his shoulders and back as Poe sat up straighter, re-emerging from the depths of the sadness. “Don’t be, the past is the past and someday I’ll be good like Jess and work all this out,” he breathed another sigh, repeating, “Someday.”

Finn wanted to say that there had to be a better way, there had to be a way to heal from the past instead of just running from it forever. If there wasn’t a better way, then Finn’s life was doomed to be haunted by his own past too, and that wasn’t a reality he wanted to live in. “I hope so. I really do,” Finn said softly, looking down at his fingers as they combed through the mane of his horse. “You shouldn’t have to carry that with you. The sadness and the grief. It’s too heavy.” 

Poe was silent for a long time. The rush of the water started to lessen as their path led back away from the stream. 

“I have something else to tell you,” Poe broke the silence and Finn looked up with a furrowed brow. More confessionals, more sorrow? Finn didn’t know if he could stand it. 

“The next stop on the tour is Cheyenne, just on the other side of the Colorado-Wyoming border. The plan was to stay here with Jess til Wednesday, maybe go up in to Denver one of these days, then head up there for the weekend show,” he confessed, glancing over at Finn as he continued, “At first I didn’t mention it because I figured you were just passing through, trying to get up there as soon as possible. But now if you’re interested — rather if you really don’t mind hanging out on the ranch here with me and Jess for the next few days…well, I just wanted to let you know I’ll be getting up to Wyoming real soon. If you wanted to wait and go with me instead of some other stranger.” 

It was like whiplash, Finn’s emotions reeling so fast from the low of intense grief to the surprisingly joyous exhilaration at the possibility of getting to stay with Poe just a little while longer. The idea that he might get to stay in this place with two people that had already gone so far to make him feel like a part of their lives was a warm and hopeful thing quickly dominating any other concerns he might have.

“Oh,” was all Finn could say at first, his heart thrumming rapidly against his ribcage. 

“Sorry I didn’t mention it sooner, I just — wanted to be sure.” Poe swallowed, continuing before Finn could formulate a real answer. “You don’t have to decide now. If you want to think about it, I just wanted to extend the offer.” 

Finn exhaled, grasping onto that line of thinking. “Okay,” he nodded, a small smile on his face as he finally managed to meet Poe’s eyes. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought that Poe looked nervous, almost fearful of what Finn might say. “I appreciate the offer. I’ll sleep on it.” 

That nervous look melted off of Poe’s face, back into a contented smile. “Okay

When they returned back to the main house, after getting the horses back in their stables, Jess met them on the back porch with dinner and a smile. They settled into old wooden deck chairs with bowls of chili, fresh biscuits, and a few glasses of iced tea. Later, long after they had finished dinner, the stories started to slow until they were all just sitting on the porch looking up at the night sky silently. Jess was the first to excuse herself for the evening, saying her goodnights as she got up from her seat, pressing a kiss to the top of Poe’s curls and giving a wave to Finn. 

Finn’s eyes lingered on the spot where she’d kissed Poe’s hair, wondering. 

Poe was looking up at the stars, like he had that early morning in the motel courtyard. That had only been a couple days ago, but it had felt like a lifetime. Finn felt like a different person than he’d been then. 

“I want to go with you,” Finn blurts the words out before he realizes he’s saying them, before even considering what they mean. 

Poe turned his head, blinking for a moment before a warm smile melted over his face. “Yeah? You sure you don’t want to sleep on it?” 

Finn shook his head. “No, I’m sure.”

Poe smiled a little wider, reaching over from the arm of his chair to Finn’s and patting his forearm until his hand settled gently there. Finn thought that the gesture might be a prelude to another story, or at the very least another teasing line, but nothing followed. In fact, Poe’s face turned back up to the stars, his eyes going back to that endless search as his hand settled comfortably on Finn’s arm. 

Later that night, long after they’d both gone to bed, Finn could still feel the tender grip of Poe’s fingers where they had touched his skin.

*******

**Monday**

Finn was up bright and early Monday morning, just before daybreak. He assumed that he’d been the first one up when the house had been silent, but as he moved quietly through the hallways, he realized that Poe and Jess were both up already, sitting on the back porch talking in hushed tones. From the kitchen he couldn’t hear what they were talking about, couldn’t even really see their faces as they were mostly turned out towards the yard. He watched them for a long moment, taking comfort for a few moments in getting to observe them in their natural state. 

When the moment has passed, he helped himself to a mug full of coffee before shuffling outside, tapping on the door before stepping out. 

“Mind if I join you?” Finn asked softly, his eyes darting to the chair next to Poe, the chair he had been sitting in last night when Poe had touched his arm. 

“Please do,” Jess remarked, chipper and cheery as if she’d been awake for a while. Poe had a small smile tugging at his lips, but by the look in his eyes and the slight slouch of his shoulders, he probably hadn’t been awake much longer than Finn. 

“Were your ears burning?” Jess asked, bringing her cup to her lips. 

Finn cocked his head slightly as he dropped into the empty chair, looking from Jess to Poe, who covered a grin with his hand, rubbing at his eyes. 

“What do you mean?” 

Jess shook her head, waving him off as she explained, “We were just talking about you. Poe said you were gonna stay a while and ride up with him on Wednesday.” Her smile was fresh and genuine, raising her mug in a slight toasting motion as she said, “That’s good.” 

“Oh,” Finn felt his cheeks flush, that nagging sense of dread pulling at his chest. Had they been joking at his expense? Was Poe telling Jess because he couldn’t believe Finn had actually accepted his offer? Had it all been a joke to begin with? Did they know—

“Yeah, I thought I had to worry about you taking Jess from me,” Poe said, his chin settling into his hand as he rested his arm on the chair, smiling at Finn and nodding his head towards Jess as he continued, “Now I think she’s trying to take you from me. I just can’t win with you two.” 

Jess let out a hearty laugh, jumping in before Finn could really track what Poe had said, “Now now, I just said that maybe if you stayed a couple more days and maybe if you ended up liking it, maybe you’d like to stay in Colorado Springs for a bit longer.” 

Finn blinked, trying to process the back and forth. They weren’t making a joke out of him, they were arguing over which of them he’d end up going with. They both wanted him to stay with either of them a little bit longer. 

His heart swelled so much he thought he’d burst. 

“Well I’m flattered Jess,” Finn smiled, taking a swig of his coffee to try and hide the flush across his cheeks before continuing, “But I gotta get to Wyoming one way or the other.”

She waved him away again, teasing slightly as she said, “Well you say that now, but they always come back.” She reached over and pinched at Poe’s cheeks, laughing as she asked, “Isn’t that right, hun?”

Poe shook her hand away from his face, scowling at her as he huffed, “Not if you keep doing that I’m not.” 

Finn laughed at them and let his heart swell again. He’d never had friends before, had never known companionship, and the continuous kindness of these strangers was enough to make him feel as if they could really be friends. 

“So what’s our plan today, boss?” Poe asked, and Finn was momentarily confused as to why Poe seemed to be looking at him. The confusion must have been easily read on his features, as Poe nodded out towards the corral in the distance. 

Finn didn’t realize that divulging his past experiences on the farm would qualify him to run the show. In fact, he had assumed that Jess would be directing them, or even that Poe would be familiar with this type of project. Instead, they both stared intently at him, waiting for his instruction.

So he ran through the two main objectives: clear out the old materials and install the new ones. He posited that if they used both Poe and Jess’s pickup trucks to remove the old bits of pipe stall, they could reasonably expect to be done before nightfall. That was, if they got started soon enough. 

“Alright, then let’s get moving,” Jess chirped, jumping up from her seat and heading inside despite Poe’s protesting groans. 

“You couldn’t have said we can start in an hour?” Poe rolled his eyes over to look at Finn, though his playful wink and smile betrayed him. Finn had to bite his cheek to keep from grinning madly. 

Finn had predicted their workflow fairly accurately — after nearly nine straight hours of work with a short break for lunch, they had cleared all the old materials and installed new pipe structures to finish a sturdy riding corral. When they had installed the last section, securing a large opening gate that they swung shut to enclose the corral, Poe let out a whoop so loud that Bebe barked back at him. He collapsed back into the grass with a sigh, Bebe bounding around him in circles. 

“Please tell me we’re actually done,” Poe called over to where Finn and Jess leaned against the gate. Jess rolled her eyes but nodded, laughing as Poe let out another whooping sound. 

“You know for a cowboy, I would think you’d be used to a little more manual labor,” Finn teased him, moving just close enough to press the toe of his boot into Poe’s side lightly. If his eyes lingered on the way Poe’s shirt clung to his sweat slicked body, there was no way for anyone to notice. 

Poe opened his mouth to say something, fooling Finn enough for him to lean in. Instead of speaking, Poe grabbed at Finn’s leg. Before Finn could register what was happening or protest, he was flying through the air — Poe had somehow managed to push him off his feet and send him flying over so that his body landed almost entirely on top of Poe’s, cushioning the fall somewhat. Then Poe was propelling himself up off his back to pin Finn back onto the ground, coming up to straddle over him. “Sure knocked you on your ass though, didn’t I?” Poe winked, bringing a fist up to gently crest over Finn’s jawline, the tops of his knuckles gliding softly over Finn’s cheek, “May not know how to put up a fence, but I sure know how to win a fight. Ain’t that what cowboys do?” 

Finn’s head swam, great waves of adrenaline sending his emotions cascading up and crashing down. His body was hot from the work and hot from the surprise takedown and hot from the feeling of every part of Poe’s body that was pressed up against his. 

“Hey, no rough-housing boys,” Jess called as she came to stand over both of them, putting her hands on her hips and saying, “Look, you’re upsetting the dog.” 

Sure enough, Bebe was furiously barking, voicing her displeasure with them as she bounded back and forth in the yard. 

“Hush Bebe,” Poe called, reaching up for a hand from Jess. He glanced back down at Finn as Jess pulled him, turning right around and offering his hand to Finn. Finn gladly took it, letting Poe help pull him up. “You alright, buddy?”

Finn was surprised to say that it hadn’t even felt like he’d fallen. “Yeah,” Finn said, the shock tinging his voice as he added, “Barely even felt the ground.”

“That’s why I'm the champ. Move so quick they don’t even feel it when they hit the ground,” Poe winked at him and Finn felt his heart thrum even louder in his ears. Jess burst through where the two of them were standing, throwing her arms over both of their shoulders and saying, “Come on, boys, let’s just get ourselves cleaned up and I’ll take ya both into town for a nice meal, on me.” 

So that was Monday — a long day of hard work followed by a lovely evening in the middle of town. At dinner they laughed and joked, Poe and Jess telling even more stories of their wild and wondrous lives. Finn wished he could do the same, share some fun and exciting stories, but none of his past was light-hearted enough to bring up in these situations. It was just better for him to nod along, to ask questions and laugh out loud, and to try and keep his thoughts straight when Poe’s hand would land on his shoulder and rest there for a long time. 

He called Rey from a pay phone and told her about his new plans and his new friends and all she could say was how wonderfully happy he sounded.

When he settled into bed that night, It was the second night in a row that Finn could hardly sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Poe straddling his waist, pressing his fingers to his cheek.

**Denver**

**Tuesday**

Tuesday morning, after a fair bit of coffee and eggs, they all huffed it out to the barn, helping Jess run through some chores for all the horses she was boarding. They led each of the animals out into the new corral, letting the horses stretch their legs a little while they stayed behind to clean up after them. It wasn’t as big of a project as putting the corral together had been; in fact they’d managed to finish up in about an hour, the three of them retreating to the corral to lean against the railing and watch the horses graze lazily. 

“Thought anymore about going up to Denver tonight?” Poe asked, his head turned to Jess as he shrugged one shoulder, “Figured I’d take Finn to all the old stomping grounds, show him a real night out.” 

Jess was perched up on the top railing, her legs hooked around the middle bar as she turned her face up to the sun. “Gee, you know I’d love to, but I said I’d help out down at the rec center tonight. Bingo with the blue hairs,” Jess smiled, glancing down through slightly squinted eyes as she added, “But you really oughta go, I think you two’d have a lot of fun.” 

Poe pouted at her before turning his head over to look at Finn. They were leaning on the same railing, their shoulders nearly touching. “What do ya think?

Finn wasn’t someone who had ever ‘hit the town’ before. He hadn’t drank alcohol, had never stepped foot in a bar. Where he’d come from, it had been about being straight-laced and God-fearing, two things that didn’t exactly lead to partying. 

Additionally, there was a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that said he really shouldn’t go. When the prospect had been all three of them, it would be a continuation of the times they’d had so far, getting to tell stories and learn more about each other. If it were just the two of them, Finn would no doubt have to watch Poe charm his way through the city, accumulating fans and admirers as he seemed to do. The idea of watching from the sidelines as Poe did whatever it was cowboys did on a night out wasn’t particularly appealing. 

But still Finn tried to smile, shrugging his shoulders as he said, “Sure. I guess it could be fun.” 

“Atta boy,” Poe leaned over so their shoulders touched, nodding as he added in a dramatic whisper loud enough for Jess to hear, “Jess ain’t any fun anyhow.” The comment lead to a swift smack to the back of the head for Poe, who scowled back up at Jess, muttering, “You’re just proving my point.” 

The three of them still had dinner together, but as soon as they had finished and the dishes had all been taken care of, Jess excused herself for the evening, taking her truck down to the Colorado Springs Recreational Center, where she volunteered with programs for kids and elderly folks. 

“You still up for going into the city?” Poe called to Finn from across the hall. They were in their separate bedrooms getting ready, though for Finn that just meant putting on the only shirt of his that was still clean. He hadn’t brought many clothes, especially not any special clothes that would be better for going out in. So a clean white t-shirt and the cleanest pair of jeans he had left was the best outfit he could muster. 

“Of course,” Finn called back, although if he thought he could get away with bailing out now, he would. There were so many unknown variables in this equation, so many anxieties playing out in horrible hypotheticals in his mind. Yet he wanted to be out with Poe, he wanted to spend time with him, just the two of them. There was a level of comfort that Finn had never truly felt before when he was around Poe, and if he had to dive into the great mystery of a new city and unfamiliar nightlife in order to feel it, that’s a sacrifice he was willing to make. 

Poe popped into the doorway, decked out in an outfit that more resembled the outfits he had worn at the rodeo: a slick black button up adorned with white and red embroidery, black jeans, black boots, black hat. A desperado bandit on the run from the law, a perfect foil for the hero in those cowboy movies. 

_Handsome._

Poe looked him up and down, one hand working at the buttons on the cuff of the opposite sleeve. “That all you got?” He asked, and although Finn’s sensitivities instinctively thought of it as a slight against him, his tone was merely curious. Finn shrugged, conceding that it was, in fact, all he had. 

“Gimme a second,” Poe said softly, disappearing from the doorway again. Finn stood there, unsure of what to do with his hands except for shove them in his jean pockets. 

When Poe appeared again, he had something folded over one of his arms. “Here, let’s try this,” Poe said as he shook the garment out — a brown leather jacket with red accents at the shoulders and chest. It was unlike anything Finn owned, even back home, and when he reached out to take it from Poe, he could identify that the weight and texture of the leather was high quality. Which meant it had probably been unknowingly expensive. 

“Poe, I couldn’t—”

“‘Course you could,” Poe pushed the jacket more insistently into Finn’s hands, nodding as he said, “Go on, put it on.” 

Finn licked his lips, his throat suddenly very dry as he shook out the jacket, swinging it behind him to insert one arm into a sleeve, then the other. It fit perfectly, just enough room to move in but not so big as to swim on him. 

And it smelled like Poe. 

“Well shit, you look better in that than I do,” Poe chuckled, reaching over to clap Finn on the shoulder as he said, “Hell, it suits you.” 

That flush returned to the high points of Finn’s cheeks, dancing across the bridge of his nose. He wondered if he had ever really known warmth before these past few days. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, buddy, you look sharp,” Poe’s hand squeezed at the curve of Finn’s shoulder where his hand had landed. “Now let’s hit the road, huh?” 

Finn would have been satisfied to spend the rest of the evening in Jess’ home, wearing Poe’s clothes and listening to his compliments. But as that wasn’t an option, he nodded as enthusiastically as he could muster before following Poe out to the pick up. 

The drive was one long highway from Colorado Springs to Denver. All around them the sky was bleeding out a beautiful purple-orange, a result of the sun setting to the west. Sitting up in Poe’s passenger seat again, he recalled how differently he had felt when they had pulled into Colorado Springs just a few days ago, the dread that had overwhelmed him then. He had been so sure that he was going to stop at Jess’ for an hour or two before jumping in the next stranger’s car, that he would lament parting ways with Poe for the rest of his trip, despite the fact that he didn’t know what was causing that aching feeling. 

Now here they were, Poe singing along to some tune playing on the radio station he’d managed to find, windows rolled down to let the cool evening breeze in. Finn watched the way the light illuminated Poe’s face and thought that he’d never seen anything, or any person, so beautiful. 

And there it was, that reckoning that he had been outrunning all this time, though it had been just at his heels for the last several days. In all this wonder of leaving home, of striking out on this unknown adventure, of finding Poe, he had done his best to put behind him one of the many things he’d been running from — but here it was, and there was nowhere to run now. 

He had been running from desire and he had known, deep down, from the first time he saw Poe that he couldn’t outrun that desire, because it lived inside of him. 

It seemed weird, then, to think that God may have brought them together. Everything in his life before he had left had been about the wrath of God, the retribution that the Lord would lay down against sinners. And Finn had been so overwhelmed by the nature of the sin that lived inside of him, the severity of which he had to handle alone because bringing it up to anyone else in the church community would surely lead to violence, spiritually and perhaps even physically. 

But if everyone was born of irredeemable sin, there was no hope for any of them. 

And if God had hated him for the sins that he harbored in his soul, then why had He lead him to Poe and Jess, to these two wonderful people that had looked after him and shown him a kindness that he had never received from even the most devout in his community? 

But would they show that same kindness if they knew you for your truth? The voice in his head countered, Even the more lenient in faith know that homosexuality is an unforgivable sin. Would they have treated you so tenderly if they knew your deception, your ultimate crime?

Finn tried not to think about any of it, tried to push it away for now. In the fading light of the evening, it wasn’t the time to become emotional about his eternal damnation or about his inevitable isolation from people who found him out. For now he just had to put it at the back of his mind as he’d been doing for the past several days, the past several years. 

When he tuned back into the present, suppressing the ugly thoughts that had taken over for most of the long drive, Poe was singing along to some song about cowboys and freedom and when he glanced at Finn, he sang louder and louder until Finn burst into laughter. A couple of holdover tears squeezed through, but Finn disguised them as a byproduct of the laughter, wiping at them discreetly with his fingers. When he lifted his hand to his face, the scent from Poe’s jacket wafted up to him again and it helped him relax in spite of his deeper worries. 

Their destination was one of the many establishments along what might ordinarily have been a bustling city street. After sundown on a Tuesday evening, and with many of the stores closed, there weren’t too many people out and about, but the faint sound of music could be heard from behind the closed door and several people gathered out on the sidewalk smoking cigarettes and chatting amongst themselves. 

The sign above the door was wooden and inscribed in simple letters with the words ‘Wagon Wheel’. Finn would have found it quaint if he hadn’t been so terrified. 

Poe parked along the street, almost as giddy with energy as he had been the day they had pulled into Jess’ driveway. “Come on, buddy,” he smiled, tipping the brim of his hat up slightly before jumping out of the car. 

Finn took a deep breath, tugging at the hem of Poe’s jacket as a means of centering himself before finally getting out of the truck cab, following Poe’s lead. 

The inside of the bar was brighter than Finn had expected it to be — in his mind, bars were all shadowy places with shadowy people lurking in the corners, drunks just waiting for someone to cross them so they could pick a fight. This bar, instead, had dim light fixtures across every wall, casting a lovely glow through the middle of the bar where tables had been cleared to create a makeshift dancefloor. There were a few pairs on the dancefloor, two-stepping and twirling along to songs from a hulking jukebox against the back wall. The actual bar stood to the left of the room, a long wooden counter that looked into shelves of alcohol. The shelves were decorated with postcards from all over the United States, but mostly seemed to be from the South and Midwest. The right side of the room held booths and tables for people who weren’t inclined to sit at the bar. 

In total, there seemed to be about fifteen people scattered throughout the bar, which soothed Finn’s nerves somewhat. Another of the imaginary scenarios in Finn’s head envisioned a bar packed to the brim with people, with nowhere to move and no air to breathe. 

“Don’t worry, it’ll pick up,” Poe elbowed his side, misreading Finn’s concerns entirely. “Wanna sit at the bar or grab a table?” 

Finn considered the options — glancing back and forth from the bar to the tables and booths pushed up against the far wall. The gut reaction that tipped the scales was noticing the bartender behind the bar; she was a slim and pretty young woman, probably the same age as Finn. She swayed around behind the counter, grabbing a glass and filling it with something before floating back to the man who had ordered. She was undeniably beautiful, effortless in her ease as she seemed to flirt with a man three times her age. 

“Table,” Finn nodded, swallowing thickly as he turned on his heel. It was stupid to think that in a bar, he could keep Poe from noticing a bartender. Stupid even more so to realize that a normal nineteen year old should want to sit at the bar to be closer to the bartender. 

“I mean bar,” he turned on his heel, nearly colliding into Poe as he stutter-stepped, trying to smile easily as he repeated, “Let’s sit at the bar.”

If Poe thought he was acting unusual, he didn’t say anything about it. He just nodded his agreement, clapping his hand to Finn’s shoulder again as they made their way over to the bar. They sat on two stools closest to where they’d entered, Finn’s eyes cautiously scanning the wall of booze that sat before him. 

“Well howdy boys,” the girl came dancing into view, a flash of light beaming from her smile, “What’ll it be?” 

“Well howdy to you, darlin’.” The drawl was exaggerated, but smooth as honey pouring out of Poe’s mouth. Finn’s stomach clenched so hard he thought he’d fall right out of his seat, glancing over at Poe weakly as the man flashed her his own brilliant grin. 

_God, he’s just too handsome._

“I’ll take a whiskey double, if ya please,” Poe nodded at her. 

She gave a slight nod of the head before turning to look at Finn, asking, “And how ‘bout you, handsome?” 

Then they were both staring at him, both beautiful and terrible with their unreal smiles and easy charms. Finn had never ordered an alcoholic drink before, didn’t know the difference between any of the bottles sprawled out on the shelves in front of him. Everything was overwhelming and he didn’t know where to look, his eyes just continued to betray him by darting back and forth between the woman and Poe. “Um, I-I’ll just have the same,” he finally managed to sputter out.

Her smile had tempered slightly, her gaze staying on Finn for longer than he was comfortable with before she nodded, “Alright, two double whiskeys, coming right up.” 

She disappeared down the bar and Finn thought that would help him breathe a little easier, but it didn’t. 

“You okay, buddy?” Poe asked, his own smile faltering slightly as his eyes searched over Finn’s face. 

Finn wanted so badly to lie to him, to recover from this stumble in a way that made him cool and effortless too, but he couldn’t. In fact, words were falling out of his mouth in a stunted whisper before he could stop them. 

“I’ve never been to a bar before. I’ve never had alcohol.”

Poe narrowed his eyes, as if he was trying to decided whether Finn was telling the truth or making a joke. The evidence of panic in Finn’s eyes was enough to convince him. “You don’t drink.” It wasn’t even a question, just a sudden realization. Poe let out a sigh, leaning back from the bar slightly as he murmured, “Shit.”

“I mean…it’s not that I don’t. I just…haven’t.”

“Shit,” Poe repeated and Finn felt like running out into the street and just taking off on foot. Eventually he’d catch a ride, right? And if not he’d just keep walking until he had walked all the way to Wyoming. It’d be less painful then sitting through this uncomfortable conversation. 

Instead, Poe just continued, “Shit, I’m sorry. I just assumed — why didn’t you say anything?” 

His tone was still soft, careful, and kind. Even in the moment that Finn was revealing himself to be a dumb kid, and in some ways a liar, Poe was treating him with tenderness. 

_Why?_

“I don’t know, I didn’t want to,” Finn cut himself off before he could reveal his real motives: that he’d wanted to do anything Poe wanted to do. If Poe had suggested knocking over a bank and fleeing for the coast, Finn probably would’ve agreed to do that too. So he formulated a lie, “I wanted to see what it was like.”

Poe seemed to consider Finn’s answer, his eyes doing that awful thing were they seemed to fixate on every part of Finn’s face excruciatingly slowly. He wanted to turn away but knew that would just make him seem smaller, more childlike. So he just shrugged, adding, “It’s fine. It’ll be fine.” 

The bartender appeared again, placing two drinks in front of them. She opened her mouth as if to say some teasing quip, but seemed to sense the shift in the air around the two of them. Her mouth closed and she gave a slight nod before disappearing back to the other end of the bar. 

From somewhere behind them, the sounds of people trickling into the bar dared to draw Finn’s attention away, but he kept himself present. He reached out for the glass she’d placed in front of him, pulling it towards himself and saying, “See? It’s fine.” 

Poe’s hand jutted out to catch Finn’s wrist, his grip tender but firm. “Look at me,” Poe said, his voice matching his grasp, gentle but with purpose. Finn did as he was told, pulling his eyes up from the drink to meet Poe’s. The other man had leaned in closer when he’d moved to grab Finn’s wrist and Finn knew he should recoil but he couldn’t move an inch. 

“Do you actually want to drink that?” Poe asked quietly. His voice was calm, devoid of condescension and, as always, with that palpable kindness as he continued, “Because you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

It should have been so easy to lie — he’d been lying his whole life, one way or another. He’d been lying, at the very least by omission, over the last several days without any real trouble. So why was it impossible to lie now? Finn shook his head slightly, his own grip releasing the glass as Poe’s hand released his wrist. He retracted his hand to fall in his lap, and though he wanted to lower his gaze too, Poe was still holding that. Finn’s heart thrummed with panic, waiting for some great rebuke from Poe, for Poe to disavow him and storm out in betrayal. 

But the stern look on his face melted away and instead the corner of Poe’s lips quirked up as he nodded, “Alright. Okay.”

He reached over and pulled Finn’s drink away from him, instead aligning both of the glasses in front of himself. “Now tell me this, and be honest with me,” Poe continued with that same earnest tone, though now he at least had a hint of a smile to convey his easygoing demeanor, “Do you actually want to be here? Or would you rather head back to the house?”

Finn felt like a traitor to the good time that Poe had wanted. “Well we drove all the way up here—”

“Not what I asked,” Poe cut him off, asking again, “Do you actually want to be here or would you rather be back at the house?” 

Finn really wanted to be able to do what Poe wanted to do, he truly did, if for no other reason then to make Poe think of him as favorably as possible. But in this strange moment of telling truths, it was impossible for him to lie. 

He shook his head again, immediately following it up with, “I’m sorry, Poe, I really—”

Poe held up a finger, which cut Finn’s speech off. With an impossible grace, Poe scooped up one glass, downing it easily, and then the second. He winced slightly as he set the second glass down, pushing himself back from the bar as he rifled through his pockets for a few bills which he tossed on the bar. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he smiled, patting Finn’s shoulder as he added, “But you’re driving.” 

Finn nodded as he stood on shaky legs, following Poe’s lead as they emptied out into the night air. As Poe had said, the bar had already started to fill up, with more people making their way down the street. 

When they were both back in the car, their roles reversed as Finn sat up behind the wheel of the truck and Poe lounged in the passenger seat, Finn hesitated after putting the keys in the ignition. 

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, chancing a look over at Poe as he offered, “We really don’t have to leave, if you don’t want to.” 

But Poe just smiled, reaching his hand out the way he had when it was the two of them on the porch, settling carefully on Finn’s forearm. “Just drive, cowboy,” he teased, though he made no effort to move his hand from Finn’s arm. So that’s what Finn did, making no moves of his own to get rid of where Poe’s hand rested on his arm. 

They drove for a long time like that, Finn’s right arm resting on the driver’s seat armrest, Poe’s hand resting on top of Finn’s forearm. Whenever Finn looked over at Poe, the cowboy was just smiling up at the night sky through the passenger side window, lost to thought or God knows what. 

And then somewhere in the middle of nowhere, on that long stretch of highway that connected Denver to Colorado Springs, Poe’s hand traveled further down Finn’s arm, achingly tracing the length of the inside of Finn’s forearm until the palms of their hands touched. Finn tried his best to concentrate on the road, to keep his brain from short-circuiting and crashing the truck, which would surely kill them both. He glanced as best as he could over at Poe, but Poe just kept on staring out at the stars. Poe’s fingers flexed and Finn’s reacted in kind, flexing in tandem so that they fit together like two halves of a whole. 

Nobody had held his hand so sincerely in such a long time. Surely his mother had done so when he was a child, but he could hardly remember her these days. In his youth, when he’d grown up as a stranger in his own home, he had been pulled around by the elbow, gripped roughly by the shoulder to be lead here and there, but nothing so sweet or so simple as just having his hand held. The last person to have gently held his hand in theirs was Rey, and even she had done it in a manner of pleading, of begging him that whenever he escaped his life to come and see her. 

This was different. This was —

_Too sweet._

Overwhelming. 

In the blink of an eye, they were pulling off the highway and Finn was following the signs that would lead them back to Jess’ house. So many things bubbled to the surface of Finn’s mind, begging for him to speak or to scream, but he was frozen. He feared that anything he said would cause the dreamlike state to break and for Poe to rescind his hand. He wanted it — whatever it was — to last as long as possible. 

Even pulling into Jess’ driveway, past the gate they’d left open when they’d left, Finn had half a mind to pull right back out and keep driving, just to see if Poe would keep on holding his hand. 

But there was nothing to do but put the truck in park and kill the engine. 

Finn looked over to Poe, surprised this time to see Poe looking back at him with a curiosity in his eyes. He released his hand from Finn’s, bringing it up in a fist to gently crest the side of Finn’s face, the way he had the day before when he had faux wrestled him to the ground.

“I have to tell you something.” 

The words blurted out of Finn’s mouth so unexpectedly he almost thought he’d imagined it. But he couldn’t have imagined the unsettled look on Poe’s face, the hesitant way he pulled his hand away from Finn. 

“Okay,” Poe said, sitting up a little straighter and looking a little more defensive. 

Finn was suddenly too aware of the size of the truck cab, claustrophobia causing his breath to shorten in his chest. “Can we take a walk?” Finn asked, not waiting for an answer as he threw the driver’s side door open, lurching out of his seat and into the fresh air. It helped slightly, standing out under the deep navy sky. And when Finn actually looked around the driveway, he realized Jess’ truck was still gone. 

“Is everything okay?” Poe came around the front of the truck. Finn thought that there should be a ‘buddy’ added on the end of that statement. In the short time they’d spent together, Finn had become accustomed to the moniker. Now, the tone was all wrong, the nickname was missing. Poe had closed off somewhat and that only made Finn panic more. 

Finn wished he could take back the story before he could even tell it, but it was impossible, clawing its way out of him.

“When I was little, maybe four years old, my mama got really sick and passed away. I didn’t know my dad — nobody in town did,” Finn felt winded even at the start, taking a deep breath as he continued, “See the town we lived in was really small, just farmers and church people, and because my mama worked cleaning the church, we fell on the church side of things. The people at the church where we worshipped every day, they wanted to try and find a family member or a friend to send me off to, but my mama didn’t leave anything like that behind. Then it came down to either sending me off to an orphanage or having someone in the community take care of me.”

“I don’t know the full story, really — only what I’ve been told — which was that this couple took me in because the wife had wanted a child and had never been able to have any of her own. The man and woman took me in, but after a couple years, the wife — Miss Abigail, that’s what I called her — well, she passed away too. And then it was just me and the man of the house, an old farmer named John. He didn’t seem too fond of me even before his wife passed away, but after that, any sympathies he had for me were gone too. He put me to work on the farm, from dusk to dawn just out doing everything you can imagine. If I was slow to learning or made a mistake, it just lead to even more work handed down. Sometimes he’d keep me out working all hours of the night, from sun up to sun down to the sun coming back up again. A couple of times I’d even pass out in the pastures from heat stroke or exhaustion. He didn’t care.” 

Finn felt his body turning from Poe, his eyes going towards the front of the house as he elaborated, “And besides the work there was the preaching. This man lived a good God-fearing life, like everyone else in town, and he made sure I had the fear of God in me at all times too. He told me all the time that I was destined for hell no matter how hard I prayed. He would say that good and hard-working men could be born again in the light of God, but being a bastard was something that couldn’t be worked away.”

“The older I got, and the bigger I got, the meaner he got too. In the last few years, it was so bad that sometimes I spent the night out in the pasture or in the barn on purpose, to be as far away from him as possible. Then one day a group from another chapter of the church was visiting town and I met Rey. From the minute I saw her I could tell she was good — the same way I know that you and Jess are good.”

If Finn had the capacity to stop or the courage to look up at Poe, he would, but his eyes went anywhere else. He was looking down at his boots as he continued. 

“When Rey was in town, she spent a lot of time at the house. She’d stay with us during the day so that John had no choice but to let me sit with her. We’d walk around in the field and talk about the Bible and I’d tell her about everything. She told me that it didn’t have to be the way it was, that I could get away from him and come to stay with her in Wyoming any time I wanted to. All I had to do was leave.” 

“It took me two months to plan an escape, to muster up the courage to leave, and when I finally did, I was sure that God would strike me down as soon as I stepped foot off the property. So many times leading up to leaving I was sure God would smite me, would open the Earth and swallow me whole, but it got to the point that I would have rather been cast down to hell then spend another minute living the way I was living.”

“And then,” Finn was wrapping up a story he hadn’t planned on telling with words he hadn’t planned on ever saying aloud. His eyes finally found Poe’s as he spoke, “And then God lead me to you. Brought me here. And I think I don’t have to be afraid anymore. God, I don’t want to be afraid anymore”

There was silence that wasn’t silence — the constant whirring of insects and bats hummed through the air, an owl could be heard cooing in the distance. Finn waited for some indication from Poe about how he was going to process all of this. How could he be expected to handle this heavy confession, this burden that Finn had wrestled with for the entirety of his life? 

But then Poe was coming towards him, enveloping Finn in his arms and pulling him into the tightest hug Finn had ever experienced. “Finn,” He started to say something, but cut himself off by burying his face in Finn’s neck, somehow pulling him tighter. 

Finn was startled slightly, but wrapped his own arms around Poe when he understood what was happening. He held the man against him, feeling at ease to be surrounded in his warmth, his scent. He dared to rest his head against Poe’s, closing his eyes and thanking God. 

When Poe finally pulled away, he placed both of his hands on either side of Finn’s face, holding him too close as he insisted, “You are so brave, Finn. So brave.” Poe seemed to have a fire lit behind his eyes, which would explain the heat accumulating on Finn’s cheeks. 

Finn had to look away from that intense stare, trying to cast his eyes down as Poe held his face. “No, I just—”

“Finn,” Poe spoke again, but this time in that same voice that had commanded Finn to look him in the eyes back at the bar. 

A demand for the truth. 

So Finn looked him in the eyes. And Poe kissed him. 

Finn had never kissed anyone before, had never been kissed either, but he could remember laying awake at night and thinking about the boy from a couple farms over, the way the muscles rippled in his back when he was delivering bales of hay. He remembered thinking about what it would be like to kiss that boy, knowing that he never could and never would. 

This moment was so far beyond what he had imagined then. 

Poe’s lips were pressed hard against his own, the callouses on his fingers gripping at the sides of his face. At first Finn was just staring at Poe’s face pressed too close, but he took Poe’s lead, closing his eyes and letting himself relax into the sensation. Once he surrendered over to it, allowed his brain to quiet and let his body take control, his hands grasped at the fabric of Poe’s shirt, pulling his body somehow closer. The force of the motion caused Finn to stumble back slightly, pulling Poe with him as they stutter-stepped until Finn’s back pressed against Poe’s truck. The movement caused them to break apart for a second, just a moment for their eyes to meet before Finn was pulling at Poe’s shirt again, pulling him into a deeper kiss this time. 

Pressed up against the side of Poe’s truck, Finn’s hands released the front of Poe’s shirt long enough to wrap around to the small of his back, pulling their bodies flush against each other. Poe seemed to be on the same page, his hands leaving Finn’s face enough to roam over his shoulders, one hand moving to the nape of his neck and the other grasping at his shoulder. 

There was a sharpness to the taste of Poe’s mouth, no doubt a byproduct of the whiskey that he had downed back at the bar. But there was also something pleasant about the taste of Poe’s breath on his lips, of the heat exchanged when they broke apart for a moment to breath only to crash against each other once again. 

And as fast as it had begun, it had to end. The flash of a light from somewhere behind them caused them both to jump apart, Poe stumbling back slightly away from where Finn was pressed against the car. From the top of the driveway, Jess was pulling her truck in, the headlights passing by the front of the house before landing on the two of them. 

Finn looked over at Poe with panic in his eyes. The moment he had finally given in to temptation, he had been caught, and now the retribution he had been expecting his entire life would be served. Even worse, Poe would have to face it too. 

But Poe just cleared his throat, turning his back to the harsh light of the headlights and saying softly, “It’s okay. It’s gonna be fine.” 

Finn wanted to ask how Poe could possibly know that, but his vocal cords were paralyzed with fear, his whole body refusing to move an inch. 

Jess pulled the truck in on the other side of Poe’s, cutting the engine and jumping out to join them. 

“What happened? Why are you guys back so early?” She asked, coming around to where they had been standing and throwing an arm over Poe’s shoulder, “Did they really throw you out that quickly?”

She was all smiles, hanging off of Poe’s side easily, and Poe seemed to pick it up just as smoothly, leaning into her arm as he teased back, “Actually, we just got back. You know, Denver just ain’t what it used to be. Maybe you should get outta Colorado altogether, get back on the road with me so you can see where the real good times are at.” 

She rolled her eyes and pushed him away teasingly. “Well, no sense in standing in the driveway all night long. Come on, boys.”

With that, she turned on her heel and started up towards the house, and for the first time Finn felt like he could exhale. Poe watched her walk a little before stepping back towards Finn, his voice low and soft as he place a hand on Finn’s back, “Come on, buddy.” 

As terrified as he had been by the prospect of getting caught, Poe’s gentle touch on his back made Finn want to pull him back against the truck again. To kiss him under the stars for the rest of eternity. 

Instead, he let Poe guide him into the house where Bebe could bark at them excitedly, running circles around their feet.

*******

If Finn thought it was difficult to sleep the last couple of nights, he had no idea how hard it would be to sleep after kissing Poe. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could imagine was the feel of Poe’s tongue in his mouth, or the feel of their stomachs pressed together through thin layers of fabric. He craved the touch of the other man’s hands, on his face or his back or his shoulders. At some point in the early hours of the evening, Finn had thought about crossing the hallway to Poe’s room, but the more he thought about doing so the less he knew what he would say once he got there.

So he was resigned to staring at the ceiling and silently talking to God, asking all his questions and getting no answers in return. 

Finn couldn’t have guessed what time it was when he finally did push himself out of bed, but judging by the moonlight from the window, it had to have still been the early hours of the morning. He decided that he couldn’t just sit there doing nothing any longer, and he couldn’t go bother Poe while he was trying to get some rest before their drive tomorrow, so he would go to the kitchen to get some water, maybe go stand out on the back porch and look at the moon. 

When he made his way to the kitchen, peering out the big windows that looked out over the back porch, he saw that someone had already beaten him to the punch. 

There was a moment in which he thought he should get his water and retreat to his room, to leave Poe alone to do whatever it was he was doing out there. But the bigger part of him was drawn like a magnet out to where Poe was. 

So he made his way to the porch, knocking softly on the door before letting himself out, calling quietly, “Hey.”

Poe tore his eyes away from the sky, a smile pulling slowly at his lips when he saw Finn. He turned his face back up to the sky, repeating back softly, “Hey.” 

“Do you mind if I,” Finn didn’t know how to ask for permission to stay, so he simply added, “I couldn’t sleep.” 

“Me neither,” Poe replied, tilting his head to the empty chair next to him, the one that Finn had sat in the last time they were out here alone together. “Haven’t really had a good night’s rest in some time now.” 

Finn didn’t know how to respond to something like that, slipping into the chair quietly. For a second he glanced up at the stars, trying to see whatever it was Poe was seeing, but his gaze was drawn back to Poe himself, to his strong jawline and the shadow of stubble growing there. 

“Thank you for telling me, you know, everything,” Poe started softly, his eyes still fixed on the stars as he added, “When I told you…all my stuff, you said something about not having to carry all the grief inside. Well, you shouldn’t have to carry all that with you either. You deserve to enjoy your life.” 

Finn felt that familiar flush on his cheeks again and he had to look down at his hands. It was easy to say things like that to other people, but hearing it back was another thing entirely. “Thank you,” Finn said softly, clearing his throat as he looked back over at Poe, “For that, and for keeping me on my feet when Jess pulled into the driveway back there.” 

Poe chuckled slightly, bringing one hand up to hide his face. “Yeah, that was a close one, huh?” He rubbed at his face with his hand, finally looking over at Finn with his chin in his hand. They held each other’s gaze for a long time, Finn contemplating everything he wanted to say but couldn’t bring himself to. 

“So…how are you feeling now?” Poe was the one to break the silence, his words slow and cautious as he tried to tread the uncertainty between them. It was a fine line that neither of them seemed to know how to walk. 

“Good,” was Finn’s immediate answer, swallowing thickly before continuing, “I feel really good. About all of it.”

Poe countered with a sheepish smile, giving a matter-of-fact nod as he murmured, “Good. Me too.”

There was a flutter in Finn’s chest, a light and airy feeling expanding in his ribcage. Whatever questions he had had, whatever thoughts were racing through his head were quiet now. 

“Good,” Finn murmured, nodding to himself before saying, “Well, I should really try and get some sleep. Just saw you out here and figured I’d stop and say hi.” 

Poe didn’t protest — Finn sensed that whatever relief he had felt at their brief exchange, Poe was feeling too. “Okay,” he said back softly, pushing himself up from his chair as he agreed, “I really oughta get back inside too.”

He held his hand out to Finn, who took it gladly, letting Poe pull him up from his seat. Poe obliged by pulling Finn up with just enough effort to get him on his feet and their bodies close again. This time Finn was the one to close the distance, pressing his lips to Poe’s without hesitation. He should’ve felt more cautious, more concerned about the possibility of getting almost caught again, but the night was so still and Poe was so warm. Finn couldn’t bring himself to worry. 

The kiss wasn’t as long as the first one, Poe pulling back after a moment and smiling down at his feet. “Now if we start this up again we’ll be out here all night,” he huffed out a little laugh. 

That idea didn’t sound so bad to Finn, but Poe put his arm around Finn’s waist again, guiding him back towards the house as he said softly, “Come on, we gotta get on the road tomorrow and it won’t do us any good to be exhausted.” 

They shuffled back through the house down the hallway to where their bedrooms were. There was something different about being inside the house — though they both stopped outside of their bedrooms, turning to look at each other for a long while, it didn’t seem right to just start kissing in the middle of Jess’ home while she was sleeping. 

“Well, I guess this is good night,” Poe whispered, though he didn’t make any move to retreat back into his bedroom. 

Finn just nodded in response, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from some new outburst. 

The corner of Poe’s mouth quirked up in a little half-smile and, after quickly glancing both ways down the length of the hallway, he took a step forward. His hand went to cup Finn’s cheek on one side, his lips just missing the corner of Finn’s mouth as he kissed the opposite cheek. “Good night,” he whispered, the words caressing Finn’s cheek long after Poe had stepped back into his bedroom and closed the door. 

“Good night,” Finn breathed out to the empty hallway, his heart threatening to burst right out of his chest.


	3. Cheyenne

**Cheyenne**

**Wednesday**

Finn was sadder than he could have ever expected he’d be when it came time to say goodbye to Jess. 

It had only been a few days and they’d been complete strangers when he arrived, but as they stood on her front porch waiting for Poe to retrieve his horse and hitch her up to the truck, Finn thought of her as a friend. 

“Now this is the address. You’re welcome to write me or visit me any time, no need to confirm ahead,” Jess said, handing Finn an index card with her name and address scrawled on it. Finn nodded, placing it in the pocket of his bag that held all of his letters from Rey. “I mean it, Finn, any time. You’ve seen how that one drops in out of nowhere,” she gestured vaguely over her shoulder, though Poe was somewhere out of sight, “My home is always open to you.” 

Finn nodded, his voice somewhat reserved as he tried not to get too emotional. “Thank you, Jess. I appreciate that,” he paused for a moment, before tentatively sticking out his hand. 

This made her laugh and she waved off his hand, bridging the gap between them and wrapping him up in a hug. He hugged her back, his eyes closing tight. Finn didn’t think he’d ever be able to express the gratitude he had for her, not just for letting him stay, but for treating him with the same kindness that Poe had. 

For being his friend. 

As if she was reading his mind, she patted his back and murmured, “Don’t be a stranger, alright? I mean it.” 

“I won’t,” he assured her, squeezing her once more before releasing her from his arms. She smiled sweetly, patting his arm gently as Poe’s truck came back over the path from the barn and returned to the front of the house. 

Poe put the truck in park, letting it idle as he jumped out to say goodbye to Jess. Finn made his way to the passenger side, slipping his bag at the foot of his seat before climbing inside, letting Jess and Poe have their moment alone. Bebe yapped from the backseat and Finn turned around to scratch at her ears, giving her the attention she had requested.

After a few minutes, Poe was climbing back into the driver’s seat, his smile growing wider as he glanced from Finn to Bebe and back again. “You two kids ready?” he teased, shifting the truck back into gear as Bebe gave him a little bark in response. 

Finn laughed at her, righting himself again so he could give a little wave to Jess as they pulled out of the driveway. She waved back from the porch, continuing to do so until they could no longer see her in the rearview mirror. When she was gone from his vision, Finn sighed, trying to once again be excited for what was ahead instead of being sad about what they were leaving behind. 

“It’s never easy leaving,” Poe sighed too, rubbing at his cheek as he added, “She’s one of the good ones.” 

Finn nodded, gazing out the passenger side window as he agreed, “She was great. I’m glad I got to meet her.” 

When he glanced over at Poe, the man was beaming with pride. “Good. That makes me real happy to hear,” he practically hummed, glancing over at Finn for a moment. 

He turned his eyes back to the road and there was a long silence before Poe cleared his throat. “She’s…well, I probably shouldn’t be telling you her business, since it’s her business and all, but I know she wouldn’t mind,” his tone was more sincere now, as he continued, “The reason I wasn’t too concerned about her seeing us last night was because…well, because she knows. She knows about me, at least. And I know about her.” There was another long pause, before Poe glanced over at him, asking, “Do you know what I’m saying?” 

At first, Finn didn’t. In his mind, everyone was living their lives as God intended them to and he was the only morally wayward homosexual walking the earth. It had never occurred to him that there were more people like him out there, living their own private lives however they chose. Even when he had chanced to imagine finding other people that felt the way he did, he assumed they were the wretched and miserable people described in the sermons he’d heard in and out of church for his entire life. 

And here God had guided him to two people like him, who were happy and kind and who seemed to put nothing but light out into the world. 

“Oh,” was Finn’s response, nodding and saying, “I understand.” 

He thought back to the first conversation he had had with Jess, the one in which she had talked about running from her past and being able to tell when someone was running from their own. How had she been able to clue into something so locked away inside of himself? Was there some part of his soul that was broadcasting his deepest secrets to anyone that was looking close enough? Or were all homosexual people tuned into some frequency that he hadn’t learned to understand yet? 

The road stretched out in front of them as they headed north, another long pause filling the truck cab with silence, albeit a comfortable one. The morning sun was bright and warm and Finn rolled down his window to let the breeze in. 

In the comfort of the sun stretched across his face, and with his eyes fixed on the road ahead of them, Finn ventured to say aloud, “I’ve never met someone like that before. You know, like…how you said.”

He didn’t know why the word ‘homosexual’ caught in his throat, refused to be uttered aloud. Maybe it was the result of years and years of hearing the word demonized and vilified, of horrible images conjured by the simple thought of it. In every encounter in his life thus far, he had been told that homosexuals were harbingers of some moral apocalypse, hellbent on the destruction of the American family. That was a hard line of thinking to break, no matter how far away from home he was. 

Poe seemed to nod, keeping his eyes focused forward as well. “There’s more people out there then you’d think. It’s a great big world and everyone’s got their own feelings about stuff like that.” Poe’s way of speaking about it was somewhat vague too, and Finn couldn’t help but wonder if Poe had struggled when it came to that aspect of himself. 

As if answering Finn’s unspoken question, Poe started to elaborate, “For me things like this…it’s always been a blurred line. I could spend my personal time just as well with any person, whether that’s a woman or a man, as long as we get along. Some people see it differently, they’re just on the one side of it, like Jess, and that’s okay too.”

His voice was low as he spoke, hushed in a way that made it seem like they were still sneaking around Jess’ house. 

Poe’s confessional led to Finn volunteering one of his own, cautiously saying, “I’ve never kissed anyone before. I mean, before last night.” 

There was genuine surprise on Poe’s face in response, his head turning slightly to glance at Finn as he asked, “Really?”

Finn felt his cheeks warm, averting his gaze down to his legs as he continued, “I’ve always known that I was different, that I wanted something different, something I couldn’t have where I came from. Plus I was always busy on the farm, I didn’t socialize much with the kids my age.” He paused for a moment before daring to look back over at the driver’s side, asking nervously, “Is that strange?”

Poe smiled, but spared Finn enough to not laugh at him. “No, not at all,” Poe said cheerily, the tone of his voice lightening as he added, “Everyone comes into it at their own time. You can’t force things like that.” 

Finn was grateful for Poe’s response, even if he still had a sneaking suspicion that Poe was lying. He looked back out the window, his hand riding the invisible waves of the wind stream as they drove down the highway. 

“Did you like it? Your first kissing experience?” Finn could hear the smile in Poe’s voice without even having to turn to see it. Finn had to cover his face for fear that every inch of it would turn bright red. Laughing into his hand, he could hear the subtle chuckle from Poe’s side of the car too. When he turned over to look at him, Poe was beaming that million-dollar smile. 

“You think you’re real funny, don’t you?” His shoulders relaxed and Finn let his hand fall to his lap, adding, “Ain’t there some saying about not kissing and telling? How about that?” 

Poe laughed this time, shaking his head as he countered, “I don’t think that applies in conversation with people you’ve already kissed, _darlin’_.” 

The endearment hit Finn like a ton of bricks, his heart racing the same way it had when he had heard Poe use it on the bartender in Denver. This time, though, there was another feeling mixed in, an intense desire to crawl into Poe’s lap and kiss him until they both ran out of breath. 

It’s such an overwhelming sensation that Finn totally misses whatever Poe says next, the thoughts in his head racing with _darlin’_.

“Huh?” 

“I said for what it’s worth, I had a good time kissing you.” Poe said, glancing over at Finn for a moment as he added, “Trying to say something nice and you’re not even listening.” 

Finn chuckled weakly as he tried to swallow the heartbeat in his throat. “I liked kissing you too,” he finally managed to sputter out, turning his gaze back out to the window. 

The highway they were on opened up again like the ones down in New Mexico, vast landscapes stretching out on either side of them. The farther out they got from the main cities, the less cars were on the road with them. The relative emptiness of the road was the reason Finn wasn’t too surprised when he felt Poe’s right hand find his left one. 

There was something beautiful about the way Poe reached for him, tenderly pressing their palms together for a moment, waiting for Finn to take the next step and lace their fingers together, which he gladly did. Neither of them looked at each other, Poe staring at the road ahead and Finn’s eyes focused on the sights out the passenger side window. 

In the moment, drifting down the highway with their hands clasped together, Finn could almost imagine that they existed in a world where this was an unremarkable experience. As long as they stayed in the warmth of the truck cab, moving along the empty roads, they could do or be whatever they wanted. 

But they had to hit the state line eventually and when they did Finn felt Poe’s hand slip from his, though Poe covered the move by excitedly pointing out the ‘Welcome to Wyoming’ sign as they past it. “From here it’s only a little while to Cheyenne,” he added, Finn trying not to look too disappointed as he brought his hand back to the steering wheel. 

“How far is Casper from Cheyenne?” Finn asked, before realizing they hadn’t talked at all about what would happen once they got to Cheyenne. Finn had said time and time again that he’d keep moving on til Casper, but now the reality was that he could actually do so. 

Poe, too, seemed as if he was only just realizing that Finn would need to keep moving on beyond Cheyenne. “Oh..oh yeah,” he hummed, clearing his throat of the sound of surprise as he continued, “I suppose it’s only a few more hours to Casper, if I had to guess.” 

Before Finn could remark on this fact, or consider the idea of making a plan of how to get there, Poe continued, “But you’re not going to up and leave me as soon as we get to Cheyenne, right? I thought…well, I thought maybe you’d stay a couple days for the show and everything.” 

For the first time in the few days they’d gotten to know each other, Finn thought that he was hearing a sense of self-consciousness, a nervous energy that Poe had never quite exhibited before. 

“Well, I don’t know,” Finn remarked, because he didn’t know. After accepting Poe’s invitation to stay at Jess’ and drive up to Wyoming, he hadn’t formulated a plan for what would come next. In reality, he should keep moving, maybe even find a ride that evening. But the possibility of extending his time with Poe, especially given the developments of the last 12 hours or so, was a temptation too sweet to pass. 

“I’ll take you up to Casper,” Poe’s voice found a little more assuredness as he continued, “If you stay through the weekend, I mean, I can take you the rest of the way up to Casper on Sunday.” 

The thought hadn’t occurred to him that Poe would be heading that way, especially given the fact that Poe hadn’t volunteered that information before. “Is Casper on the way to your next show?” Finn asked tentatively, wondering why Poe wouldn’t have mentioned that sooner. 

Poe hesitated for a moment, before admitting, “Well…no. But I’m a free man, I got time between shows to travel. I can take you where you need to go and find my way back to the next show.” 

Finn tried not to smile too wide as he listened to Poe justify his own offer, to try and get Finn to stay with him longer. It would probably be wiser to find the next ride and to make it to Rey’s, but Finn had never known a connection like the one he had with Poe, and from the way Poe was chattering, it seemed at least slightly mutual. It was nice to feel wanted somewhere, and if the possibility existed that he might be able to kiss Poe again, he’d gladly take that option.

“Okay,” Finn smiled at Poe.

Whatever flustered state Poe had started to work himself into melted away and he looked over at Finn in surprise, lifting an eyebrow as he asked, “Okay? You will?”

This time Finn couldn’t help but laugh, reaching over to squeeze Poe’s arm slightly as he assured him, “Well obviously I can’t just pass up the opportunity to see the world famous Poe Dameron in the rodeo again.” 

Poe huffed out a little sigh of relief before rolling his eyes, murmuring, “Smart ass.” 

Finn pulled his hand back into his lap as he laughed, beaming for the rest of the ride into Cheyenne.

*******

They first stop at a fairgrounds that seems a lot like the one from Albuquerque, though with much more greenery surrounding it. When they arrive at the stables, Finn helps unload Poe’s horse from the trailer as the coordinator organizing the registration informs Poe that if he is going to have his dog on the grounds at any point during the competition, he will also need to register her and keep her boarded onsite. Poe argues with them for a short time before conceding, filling out paperwork for both of the animals and making sure they’re both set. Bebe seems less upset about the arrangement than Poe, who complains about the new rule all the way to the motel.

Just a few blocks away from the fairgrounds, this motel, too, is a lot like the one from Albuquerque, though with less desert decor and far more rodeo styling. Judging by the outlines of bucking horses and roping cowboys, Finn had to guess it was a regular stop on the circuit. 

When they parked in the front, Poe started to get out of the truck, nodding to Finn and saying, “Give me a minute, I’ll be right back.” 

Before Finn could even protest, Poe was gone, making his way to the front office. Finn watched from the passenger seat, tracking Poe’s movements as he struck up a conversation with the motel clerk. It was a short discussion, but somehow Poe managed to put a huge smile on the clerk’s face, which made Finn smile too. 

Within a couple minutes, Poe was back, starting up the truck and directing it further down the motel’s lot to the end of the building. “I hope you don’t mind one room, two beds,” Poe spoke aloud, avoiding looking at Finn as he shrugged one shoulder, “Figured it might be better to stay together, not run the risk of having rooms real far away from each other, you know. Lots of the guys on the circuit double up to save money, so it’s not a big deal.”

Finn sensed that Poe was rambling more with nerves again, so he just agreed. Admittedly he was nervous about the idea of being singled out as two men staying together, but if other men that ran in the rodeo crowd did it, for whatever reasons, that put Finn’s mind more at ease. And he’d be lying if he said the thought of sleeping in the same room as Poe, their beds just feet apart, wasn’t exhilarating to him. 

They found their room at the end of the first floor, Finn carrying his bag and Poe hauling in a couple of his own. The room was wall to wall sepia tones, with dingy orange shag carpeting to complement it. Framed pictures of cowboys and ranch landscapes accented the walls, with boots and lassos painted along the crown molding where the walls met the ceiling. It looked like a room for a small child more than adults, but Finn supposed there was nothing that could be done about that.

Finn waited for Poe to place his things on one bed, setting his own bag down on the bed closest to the door. 

“Now tomorrow is the first day of warm ups, Friday is the first round, and Saturday’s the championship show,” Poe began methodically pulling things from his bags, sorting garments or pieces into different piles before going to the wardrobe and pulling out a couple wire hangers. Finn perched himself on the end of his own bed as he listened intently. “Friday and Saturday I’ll have to be on the grounds from noon til the end of the night, but tomorrow I’ll just go over there for a couple hours. And tonight — well tonight, I’m free as a bird. Just need to get settled here then we can hit the town.” The more Poe talked, the more Finn’s smile grew. How could it not? The way Poe casually laid out the itinerary of his next few days felt like an old routine, like they did this together every weekend, traveling from show to show. 

Poe was magnetic when he was swaggering about in his competition best, but when he was just nervously pacing around, tidying his things and putting outfits on hangers, he was simply endearing. “Okay,” Finn nodded. _I would go anywhere and do anything as long as I was with you,_ he wanted to say, but he settled for, “I’m free as a bird too.” 

Poe shot him a dirty look, though any malice in it was washed away by the small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “You mocking me, bud?” He teased, hanging up what seemed to be the last of the outfits in the wardrobe and placing a short stack of cowboy hats on top of the dresser. 

“Oh I’d _never_,” Finn teased back, shrugging one shoulder as he did. 

Poe glanced over his shoulder towards the door, then towards the window, which looked out into the concrete sea of the parking lot. In a few steps he was there, pulling the curtains closed despite the fact that it was only the early afternoon. 

When the curtains were pulled close against each other, Poe turned back around to Finn. Finn half-expected him to continue the charade, toss back some teasing quip that Finn would have to counter with his own clever little statement. 

Instead, though, Poe came to sit next to him on his bed, their thighs pressed together and Poe’s hand resting comfortably on Finn’s knee. They were so close that all Finn could smell was Poe, all he could see was the man’s long eyelashes and ever-darkening five o’clock shadow. 

“I’m really glad to have met you, Finn,” Poe said softly, his eyes turned down at their legs before finally looking up to meet Finn’s eyes. “Lately, I’ve been feeling really…lost. And something about being around you makes me feel a little less lost. I just wanted to tell you that.” 

With each fleeting moment of intimacy, every tender exchange, Finn could feel himself getting bolder, allowing himself to want more. And what he wanted, now, was to take Poe’s face in his hands and kiss him until he was breathless. 

So he did, pulling Poe’s face to his own gently and kissing him deeply. Poe responded in kind, gladly leaning into it and even navigating their bodies in such a way that he had found his way into Finn’s lap, the backs of his thighs resting tautly on the tops of Finn’s. Finn’s hands still held Poe’s face close, refusing to break that closeness even as Poe’s hands ran wildly over his chest, up over his shoulders and across the length of his back. 

Finn didn’t let go even as they broke apart, cradling Poe’s face in his hands as Poe began to wriggle about again. This time, his hands were back at Finn’s thighs, pressing them apart slightly as he slipped himself to the ground, kneeling between Finn’s legs. His hands went to Finn’s ruddy old belt buckle, pausing to look up at Finn. 

There was a hunger in his eyes, a desire that Finn had never seen in anyone’s eyes before, but that he somehow knew immediately because he felt the same desire in the depth of his body. 

“Can I…”

Finn didn’t need to know what the end of the question was going to be. He didn’t care. His hands moved from Poe’s cheeks up to push back at the curls falling against his forehead, framing his impossibly gorgeous face. 

He nodded, granting permission for Poe to do whatever he wanted. 

An hour later, they were sprawled across Finn’s bed, half-clothed and exhausted. Finn’s hand was still tucked into the waistband of Poe’s underwear, his eyes blinking wearily from where his head rested on Poe’s bare chest. Poe had an arm wrapped around Finn’s waist, was holding him in such a way that anytime Finn so much has tried to sit up, Poe could pull him back down. “I thought we were gonna hit the town,” Finn tried to tease, though a yawn cut through the last word and extended it into _tooowwwn_. 

“In a little bit,” Poe said, yawning himself as he hugged Finn tighter to him. “Let’s just get a little rest, huh? Town ain’t going anywhere in the next couple hours.” 

Finn thought about protesting, but decided against it. He liked this spot curled into Poe’s warm chest and didn’t really need to leave it anytime soon. 

Later, Finn sat on the edge of the bathtub, watching Poe shave at the sink. He watched as Poe splashed his face with warm water, worked up a bar of shaving soap and spread the lather across his jaw. He pulled the razor down achingly slow against the slope of his skin, the curve of his cheek. 

It was high art, beauty incarnate. 

“Stop looking at me,” Poe said in a tone that meant he didn’t want Finn to stop looking at all. 

“I can’t,” Finn quipped back, an earnest smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as he added, “You’re just too riveting.” 

Poe rolled his eyes, tried to fight back a smile so he could continue shaving in clean, smooth lines. When he finished, he rinsed what remained of the few bits of lather, splashing his face a few times before patting dry with a towel. 

When he pulled the towel away, he looked from the mirror over to Finn, lifted an eyebrow in question and shrugged one shoulder, “What do you think? Do I look less like a drunken bum?” 

Finn smiled, waiting a moment before murmuring, “You look like a movie star.” 

Poe made an incredulous noise, waving him off and saying, “You’re not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be funny,” Finn protested, getting up from his seat at the edge of the bathtub to come to Poe’s side, both of them looking forward in the mirror. “You’re more handsome than most of the cowboys in the movies. You could be in those Westerns.”

Poe smiled shyly, turning his head just enough to catch the corner of Finn’s lips with his own for a quick peck. Then he broke away, leaving the bathroom as he called back, “Stop trying to flatter me, I already like you. Now let’s go find some dinner.” 

Finn observed himself in the mirror as love poured out of him, watched the way his body relaxed with the warmth of Poe’s words flowing over him. He felt like a different person, he looked like one too. 

This Finn knew what it meant to feel affection, to be cared for. 

This Finn knew what it mean to love and be loved.

*******

The first night in town, they went to a little diner — this, too, reminiscent of the place where they’d first seen each other back in Albuquerque. They had a hearty dinner before walking around downtown Cheyenne, Poe pointing out familiar places or new shops that had opened in the months since he’d last visited.

It wasn’t uncommon for them to pass someone who called Poe’s name cheerily, exchanging quick niceties and a handshake before passing by. After each new person would approach and disappear, Poe would whisper their name, and how long they’d known each. Every person had a story to be told and Poe seemed happy to relay that story back to Finn in a way that caught him up to speed. With every person that greeted him, Poe managed to draw on some spare energy reserve, even as the night went on and he started to stifle yawns behind his hand. 

When they did finally make the drive back to the motel, though, any sense of ease or exhaustion Poe had exuded vanished when he saw someone standing in front of the door to their room. With his shoulders tensing and his back straightening up in the driver’s seat, Finn too was suddenly on edge, looking from the stranger at the door to Poe. 

“Who is—”

Finn didn’t continue the question as Poe pulled the car door open, hissing quietly, “Don’t worry about it. Just give me a second.” Then he was out of the truck, walking up to the man as Finn quickly tried to get out too, following half a step behind Poe. While Finn would ordinarily try to avoid confrontations or stay out of other people’s business, it didn’t feel right to just sit in the truck and watch helplessly. 

“Well, look who it is. Poe Dameron, in the flesh,” the stranger greeted him, not even bothering to glance over at Finn. 

Up close, the man was taller than he had looked from a distance, nearly half a foot taller than the both of them. He was slender and gangly, hardly seemed like a guy that could hold his own in a fight. Still, he flicked the cigarette he’d been nursing at Poe’s feet, adding, “Heard you were in town, had to see it with my own eyes to believe it.”

“Alright then, you’ve seen me. Now you’ll be on your way,” Poe responded, not giving the man an option to answer. 

The man measured the assertion, weighing his own response as his eyes scanned the length of Poe’s body slowly. Then his head was turning, his eyes pulling up to look into Finn’s eyes. “Before I’m introduced to your new friend? That seems rather rude,” the man commented, though he didn’t address Finn directly, just continued to stare icily in his eyes. 

What the man lacked in apparent physical strength, he made up for in unnerving, pointed glares.

Finn glanced nervously at Poe, who inched closer to him instinctually. Judging by the look on his face, he was probably considering a number of his own ways to respond, some surely involving a physical altercation. Despite his general nerves and discomfort at being stared at like prey, Finn decided the best way to keep Poe from throwing punches would be to get the interaction over with as soon as possible. 

He cleared his throat, reaching a hand out cheerily as he introduced himself, “Finn.” 

The man’s blank stare changed slightly as his lips turned up into a sneer that made Finn instantly regret any ounce of kindness he’d exhibited. “Ben. Pleasure,” he murmured, taking Finn’s hand and shaking it. Even the feel of his hand was sinister, gripping too tight and holding on too long. His eyes found Poe’s again, even as he addressed Finn. “What brings you into Dameron’s company?” 

“None of your goddamn business, how about that?” Poe fired back, Finn trying and failing not to flinch at the use of the obscenity. Poe took a step forward, seeming to fill the space between Finn and Ben even more as he said, “Unless you’re looking for trouble, you oughta get the hell out of here _Ben_.”

He spat the name like an insult, and Finn felt like he should reach out and hold Poe back to keep him from lunging any closer. The last thing Poe needed before a show was an all out brawl with some strange man. 

Poe’s fiery reaction seemed to satisfy the stranger enough, his sneer turning into an even more menacing grin as he held his hands up, shrugging his shoulders innocently. “Alright, alright. Thought it’d be nice to see an old familiar face in your grand return to Cheyenne, but I can see when I’m not welcome,” his words would seem sad if they weren’t curdled with sarcasm. His eyes went back to Finn and he added, “Good luck, Finn.”

Finn could see the slight movement in Poe’s shoulders when Ben said his name, like that was enough to set him off for good. Thankfully, Poe didn’t have a chance to jump. The strange man gave a slight tip of his hat before turning on his heel, making his way down the long walkway of rooms back towards the front office. 

“Fucking jackass,” Poe muttered under his breath, his eyes fixed on the man as he continued to walk. 

“What was all that?” Finn asked, reaching down to Poe’s hand and taking the room key from him. He unlocked the door and waited for a moment, but Poe didn’t make any motion to move from where he stood. So Finn took his arm, dragging him over the threshold and shutting the door behind them. He fastened both locks on the door, turning to Poe and asking again, “Hey, what was all that?” 

Poe walked around the room, inhaling deeply and exhaling more swears in a hushed and heated tone. When he finally turned to Finn, he was clearly still on edge, his fists clenched at his sides. “Nothing. Just a bad guy trying to get a rise out of me,” his jaw was clenched, the words sounding slightly strained as he said them. 

“Well clearly it worked,” Finn said softly, not trying to incite any further anger. He stood in place next to the door, asking, “Do you need some time alone?” 

“No.” Poe’s answer was immediate and firm, so quick that it seemed to even shake him out of his own fog. He shook his head slightly, unfurling his fists from his sides. One hand went to take his hat off and place it on the dresser, the other went to his face and rubbed at his eyes. When he exhaled again, he seemed to relax a little more, the fiery look in his eyes giving way to a calmer resolution. “No. I don’t want you to go anywhere,” Poe repeated, taking a seat on his bed and patting the spot next to him.

With Poe’s body language relaxing, Finn felt his own follow suit, and it was easier to cross the divide of the room to sit beside him. Like clockwork, like it would be impossible to go on without it, Poe took one of Finn’s hands in his own, flipping it up so he could trace the lines of Finn’s palm with his fingers. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve been up to Cheyenne. I actually…before I offered to bring you up here, I hadn’t planned on entering for this show. Hadn’t planned on coming here again.” Poe paused for a long time, considering the lines of Finn’s palm before continuing, “Ben is a local up here. Used to be on the circuit but now he lives just outside of town. We knew each other from being on the same bills at shows, then when he retired I’d just see him when I was in town. We were…familiar. But the last time I was up here, he did some not-so-nice things to me.” Poe went silent and Finn tried not to let his mind wonder as to what that could mean. 

“I won’t get into it now, it’s in the past, but the moral of the story is that Ben is a bad man. A dangerous one, at that. I had hoped that I wouldn’t run into him again, but I guess that ship’s sailed.” 

Finn waited as Poe paused for a long time again. “Are you going to be okay?” 

Poe nodded without hesitation, finally turning his face up to Finn’s and smiling in a way that was bittersweet to behold. “Of course. I’ll be fine,” his smile turning from sad to teasing as he added, “Nobody gets the jump on me twice and lives to tell the tale.” 

The sentence seemed disconcerting, uncomfortable for Finn to sit with, but he nodded anyway, flashing his own timid smile. Poe brought Finn’s hand up to his face, pressing the palm to his own cheek and holding it there. 

“Just promise me something,” Poe said, his confident tone faltering slightly. Finn nodded and Poe continued, “If you see him out on the grounds or at the shows the next couple days, just steer clear of him, alright? He’s bad news all around.” 

Finn didn’t need Poe to tell him so, didn’t even need to promise as he had no intention of approaching the strange man if he ever saw him again. But he nodded anyway, his thumb gliding over Poe’s cheek as he nodded, “Promise. Don’t need to tell me twice.” 

This made Poe laugh softly, murmuring out a breathy “good” before leaning forward to kiss Finn again.

*******

** Thursday **

Thursday was an uneventful day. When Poe got up and ready to go to the fairgrounds to warm up, he told Finn that the warm ups were open to spectators, if he wanted to come watch, but Finn decided against it. As much as he would’ve love to watch Poe work, he didn’t want to be a distraction. Besides, he would be spending the next couple days at the fairgrounds while Poe was competing, so he wanted to explore around town for a little while. Poe dropped him off in the town center, and they made plans to meet up in the same spot a few hours later. 

The rodeo clearly had an effect on Cheyenne; everywhere he went, every shop he stepped into, was milling with cowboys and cowgirls. Families wearing matching boots skittered up and down the sidewalks, chattering away about what they were most excited to see over the weekend. It was endearing to see how excited everyone was. 

Later, when he recounted all the joyful people he had seen throughout the day, Poe had tried to brush off all the excitement for the “silly little show”. 

“It’s not silly, it’s really meaningful to people,” Finn insisted, looking across the table from Poe over dinner, “You give them entertainment that brings everyone together.” 

Poe waved him off, though his smile was warm and grateful. 

** Friday **

When Finn wakes up too early Friday morning, he is paralyzed with fear by the absence of the space next to him. The last two nights, they’d shared either of the two beds, finding it easier to collapse against each other than to skirt around their desires. But in the wee hours of this morning, he was waking up alone. 

He sat up slightly, listening for the sound of Poe in the bathroom, before concluding that he was the only one in the room. Alone. Panic flashed through him, automatically assuming the worst, but he tried to stifle it. He carefully got out of bed, flipping on the lights and checking the bathroom for certainty that Poe wasn’t in there. 

He wasn’t. 

He paced across the small room, quickly and quietly dressing as he picked up clothes from the floor. This time, he went to the front window, moving the curtain to the side slightly in order to peek outside. 

There, just outside the window, Poe was leaning against the outside wall, staring up at the sky in that way he did when the stars were out. 

Finn hesitated for a moment before letting himself out, slowly cracking the door open. He stepped out slightly, holding the door open with one foot. Poe looked over at him with a lopsided smile. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Finn replied, crossing his arms in front of himself to block out some of the midnight chill. When he looked down at the flannel he had managed to pull on, he realized it was one of Poe’s. “Everything okay?” 

Poe nodded, his eyes once again drawing back up to the stars. “Just thinkin’,” he exhaled, a long pause before he added in a murmur, “Was feeling restless, didn’t want to wake you.”

Finn nodded in reply. There was a calmness to the way Poe was holding himself up, the way his gaze fixed on the sky. In a moment of clarity, he realized there was something ritualistic going on here, something personal and sacred, that was probably best left to itself. “Okay. I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Finn murmured. Even though the walkway was quiet, no other people out at this hour, Finn restrained himself from reaching out and squeezing Poe’s shoulder. “I’m gonna go back to bed.” 

The man just gave another slight nod, which made Finn smile to himself. He slipped back inside, shutting the door behind him softly, leaving it unlocked. As quickly as he had clothed himself, he shed the clothes back to the floor and crawled into the bed. 

It was hard to know how much time passed before Finn heard the clicks of the door opening, closing, and locking. A few moments more, then from behind him, he felt the shifting weight of the mattress. Then the body pressed against his, all warmth except for the hands wrapping around his stomach and the face pressed against his back, both carrying the residual iciness from the outside air. 

“Hmm,” Finn shivered at the cold, though his body betrayed his real feelings as he pressed himself back into Poe’s embrace. 

Poe chuckled softly, moving his face closer to Finn’s neck to kiss him there, murmuring words in Spanish that Finn couldn’t recognize. “You teasin’ me?” Finn murmured sleepily, his eyes still closed as he danced between waking and deep sleep. 

“Not at all, darlin’,” Poe said softly, his words a cozy lullaby as he added, “Go back to sleep.”

When the morning came, Finn was up before Poe, trying to stretch his legs before realizing they were intertwined with Poe’s. He craned his neck to try and see the clock on the nightstand, surmising that it was just around eight in the morning. It was probably about time for Poe to be getting up anyway, so he could get ready and situated before they headed to the fairgrounds. 

“Poe,” Finn said softly, his hands moving down to where Poe’s were still holding him. He pulled them away gently so he could twist his body around to face the other man, murmuring as their faces were inches apart, “Poe, it’s time to get up.” 

Poe hummed slightly, his own legs stretching reflexively as he blinked one eye open and then the other. “Too early,” he groaned, his hands resting now on Finn’s lower back, pulling him in. 

Finn huffed out a laugh, his own hands coming to Poe’s chest and pushing back lightly, teasing, “Come on, you big baby, you gotta get up.” 

This was met with more groaning, thought at least now Poe blinked himself slightly more awake, staring back at him indignantly. Finn was sure the next line would be another protest or teasing jab, but instead something melted over Poe’s features, dissolving the sleepy scowl into a half-loopy grin. 

“What?” Finn asked, his hands flat to Poe’s chest, no longer pushing but still holding him away to keep them from crashing together. 

“Nothing,” he mused with a smile, his voice soft and airy as he continued, “I just…feel like I’ve known you my whole life. That’s all.” 

Finn didn’t know if Poe was saying something so sickeningly sweet because he truly felt it or because he was trying to trick Finn into letting him sleep longer with romantic suggestion. 

“What a line,” Finn said breathlessly, unsure of what else to say when someone said something that made your heart ache and soar all at once. Unsure of what to do when you heard the words you never knew you dreamed of hearing. 

“Not a line, just how I feel,” Poe murmured back, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Finn’s lips before pulling back entirely. He rolled over and up out of bed, leaving Finn to himself, speechless. 

When they made it to the fairgrounds later that day, Poe dropped him off at the front gate and departed for the participants entrance. Finn half wished that he could just stay behind-the-scenes, close enough to Poe that during the downtime between events they could still be together, but it seemed the only people allowed back of house were the participants. He resigned himself to exploring the fairgrounds.

Much like at the grounds in Albuquerque, he purchased a ticket and received a program from a ticket booth, shuffling between families and large groups of teenagers shouting amongst themselves. When he passed through the turnstiles, and made it out of the initial swarm of people, he unfolded the program. This time, his eyes were searching with a purpose, scanning for Poe’s name and finding it quickly. 

The program elaborated that today was a preliminary round for many of the events, with each event stacked with double the number of participants. The top half of competitors would compete in the Grand Prize rides tomorrow. 

Finn made his way about the grounds, watching different activities taking place or the different bands playing old folk songs outside of the main arena. After a while, though, there was nothing left to do but get into the covered stands and out of the heat. He followed the crowds that were trickling into the main arena. 

Before he’d been aimless in trying to find a place to sit, unsure of what he’d be looking out for. Now, he almost felt like a seasoned rodeo fan. He darted smoothly between a few of the slower patrons, deliberating at where to go in the stands for a split second before slipping by an arguing family to cut down some stairs. When he finally managed to slip into a front row seat, it was just in time for the barrel racing event, the one he had enjoyed so much at the last rodeo show. At this show, they were doing a few categories: co-ed youth, co-ed teen, and women’s. Finn gathered from the context that grown men weren’t known for barrel racing, but as he watched the boys compete alongside the girls in the youth category, he felt a sort of regret. In another life, maybe, he would have been able to have done something so masterful and graceful at that young of an age. 

The competition was long as they worked through all of the entrants, each category parsing down those who would return the next evening to compete again. Finn kept track as they waned into the last few women competing. When the event was over, there would be a short break and then Poe’s category, which gave Finn a jittery panic in his stomach, as if he was going to be the one out there fighting to tame a wild animal. 

They called the final barrel racing event, announcing the finalists for the women’s category, which brought the crowd to its feet, whooping and hollering for the six women that would be advancing. Finn, too, was wrapped up in the joyous celebrating, standing up to applaud and cheer. 

When he sat, he almost didn’t notice the man that had made his way into the stands, slipping onto the bleachers next to him. He didn’t notice until he heard his name in that too sinister tone. 

_“Finn.”_

It was nails on a chalkboard, a static shock that carried on a little too long. Nobody else in the crowd knew Finn or his name, though he almost begged for it to be someone from his past life then the man it actually was. 

He turned his head to see Ben, the shadowy figure from Poe’s past, seated next to him, though his gaze was out in the arena, watching them clear the field and prepare for the next event. 

Poe’s event. 

Finn’s mind raced a mile a minute about what to do, what to say, what exit route to navigate to get out of this very situation. As if Poe hadn’t warned him about this man, the sheer energy of his presence was shrouded in some darkness that deeply unnerved him. Finn’s mouth opened to stammer something incoherent as he stood up. In his mind, the solution was to run, to put distance between himself and Ben. But Ben had other ideas. 

The man’s hand shot up to the back of his shirt, pulling him back down into his seat with a rough force. His eyes looked ahead still, not meeting Finn’s frightened gaze. 

“Come on now, no need to run off,” Ben said, his voice quiet under the gentle roar of conversation all around them. “Wouldn’t want to miss what you came here for, huh?” Finn swallowed thickly. Escape was no longer an option. So what now? Was he to just sit in silence and hope that Ben would eventually leave well enough alone? What about when the event was over, when Finn was supposed to meet up with Poe again? Would Ben trail along behind him, hand clutched in the fabric of his shirt the entire way? 

“Lost your voice?” Ben asked, this time his head turning just enough to catch Finn’s eyes as he whispered harshly, “Or did your _boyfriend_ tell you I was the Devil incarnate here to take your soul?” 

Finn had to stifle a scream from deep in his stomach, knowing that if he’d jumped up hollering it would only draw even more unwanted attention to himself. But each word of the sentence was worst than the last, circling around his brain and constricting like a great ugly snake. 

“_Don’t_,” Finn pleaded, though he did his best to make it sound like a command. An order. 

This caused Ben’s lips to curl up into another awful sneer, a cold and calculated thing. “Oh? He speaks!” 

It was easy to see why someone might resent the man; with every word he spoke there was an air of condescension, as if he was speaking from a place of superiority. It was clear that he enjoyed having the upper hand of this situation, that whatever trap he had carefully laid was coming up fruitful for him. 

“You know, we didn’t get to know each other very well the other day, what with Dameron being so hostile towards me,” Ben eased up on the grin slightly, turning again to address Finn face to face. “I’m sure he told you all sorts of nasty things about me, told you ya oughta keep away. But that’s hardly fair. How am I supposed to defend myself against attacks on my character if I’m not present?” 

Finn squirmed in his seat, especially as the announcer called over the loudspeaker that the next event was beginning. He didn’t want Ben here when Poe was out competing; it felt blasphemous. 

“He didn’t say anything about you,” Finn lied, his eyes turning forward as they called the first entrant out to the arena. “I’m just not keen on conversing with strangers. That’s all.” There was silence from next to him and Finn was too afraid to look. 

The first competitor was out of the gate, a blindingly white horse taking chase after a steer, running wildly out onto the dirt. The man was too foolish, though, too rushed. He jumped too soon and missed the steer by half a foot, clattering to the ground. The crowd reacted with surprise, a slight smattering of disappointed applause following the failed attempt. 

“So Dameron didn’t say anything about me.” Ben spoke in that hushed and uncomfortable tone as he continued, “That means he failed to neglect that what he wants from you, what I’m sure he’s already taken from you, he also wanted from me.” 

Finn shuddered, unable to keep from swinging his head around to stare at Ben intently, trying to gauge the validity of this line. When Poe had said the he and Ben were familiar…did that mean at some point, Poe had been intimate with Ben? Had they shared a bed and kissed each other awake, the way Poe and Finn had grown so accustom to over the last couple days?

The thought made his stomach turn. From behind him somewhere, another competitor went out into the show ring but Finn missed it entirely, trying to process a proper response to the strange man. _He’s bad news_ is what Poe had said. Does that mean he would lie simply to get under Finn’s skin? Or was he saying these things so Finn would relay them back to Poe, to get under Poe’s skin as well? 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Finn managed to murmur, turning his attention back in time to see the second entrant triumphantly leaving the field, waving in celebration to the crowd. 

Another competitor was now ushered into the arena, Finn mentally checking the names off until it was Poe’s turn. 

_Just after this one._

Finn tried to focus, leaning his elbows on his knees in front of him as if he was rapturously engrossed in the action. Instead, Ben mirrored his action, his face mere inches from Finn’s. 

This cowboy again jumped too early, hitting the ground hard and tucking in on himself, trying to protect his body from being trampled by the steer’s blind stampeding. The crowd let up a reluctant groan at another blown attempt. As he was ushered safely out of the arena, there was a new rumbling in the crowd, an excitement Finn recognized from last time. If he were alone, he was sure he’d be participating in that murmur of anticipation. Instead, he was filled with dread. 

“The next contestant joining us in the arena is Poe Dameron,” the announcement came over the loudspeaker and was met with exuberant cheering. 

Poe broke through the gate that had been holding him, and before Finn could think any other thought, Ben was hissing in his ear. 

“Which do you think is worse, being a queer or a whore? I guess it doesn’t matter in this case, if he’s both,” He punctuated the thought with a sick chuckling noise, his voice still quiet as he added, “And what does that make you? A whore’s whore? But I suppose we’ll all appear before Christ, and we’ll all receive what is due to us for the wretched things done while in our bodies, won’t we?” 

Purely on instinct, tears welled at the corners of Finn’s eyes as Poe raced past the front row of the stand. Their eyes met for a second too long and Finn cursed himself for daring to make eye contact while Ben was saying such horrible things to him. Finn could see the instantaneous wave of recognition on Poe’s face even as he was there and gone. Poe’s showmanship, the movie star smile and the charisma turned out to the audience vanished for that moment, and then his back was to them all. 

There was a clear stutter step in Poe’s dismount — a shocked gasp rippling through the audience. It was only half a second, and Poe still landed almost entirely as intended, though it was clear to see that his right hand grip was looser than it should have been. Still, he managed to get the steer wrestled down and the audience still roared to its feet, whooping and cheering. 

Finn used the distraction of the sudden uproar, and Ben’s angle hunching over his seat, to slip out of the stands, passing through the standing row of people separating him from the aisle, from an exit. He was lightning fast, slipping in and out of people and out of the grandstands with ease even as his vision blurred. One quick glance behind him as he exited and no sight of Ben following him, another glance as he made it further out into the general grounds. He was supposed to meet Poe at the front gate at the end of the night, but he couldn’t stand to wait around that long. If he did, and if Ben appeared again, he might have a full nervous breakdown. 

Wiping hurriedly at the few tears that had been shaken loose during his quick walk around the grounds, he straightened himself up enough to seek out the parking lot for the participants. He was sure it was the one they had gone to when they’d first arrived, when they had dropped Poe’s horse at the stables. 

Every once in a while he glanced over both shoulders, expecting Ben to materialize behind him. But there was nobody around, the entire crowd still glued to their seats as the rest of the competition went on. Even as Finn finally found a sign that led out to where the participants were parked, he found the lot nearly empty of people. Everyone was either out at the stables packing up for the night, out at the arena getting ready to compete, or up in the stands watching the rest of the show. It was this thought that caused Finn to pause in his tracks, looking around blankly as he considered whether he should instead head to the stables to see if Poe was there, putting his horse back in her stall. 

“Finn?” 

Finn turned back the way he had been heading initially, the way his feet had started to take him without question. 

There was Poe, coming out from behind a truck parked at the end of the row. He took a few steps closer before his walk turned into a slight jog, whatever emotion that had been on his face previously giving way to concern as he approached. Without realizing it, Finn’s tears had let loose again, his breath coming in hurried little gasps daring to turn into sobs. 

He felt like a child, overwhelmed with emotion and without the vocabulary to voice what had made him feel this way. “Hey, buddy, it’s okay,” Poe ’s voice was a murmur, his hands grasping at Finn’s arms and squeezing gently as he tried to get Finn to look at him, “Finn, baby—”

Finn choked on Poe’s word, the endearment too sweet to be heard in public, even if no one else was around to hear it. “We gotta get out of here,” Finn huffed out, wiping at his face furiously again, now becoming frustrated that he couldn’t will the tears to just stop. “We gotta get out of here.” 

Poe considered for a second before nodding, “Okay. Okay let me get you to the truck.” 

They walked quickly, in step, down the rows of trucks until they found Poe’s. Finn felt a small bit of relief just looking at it. With a certain lack of grace, Finn climbed into the passenger seat, Poe standing beside him just in case he was needed. When Finn was situated, he looked back at Poe, waiting for Poe to dart over to the driver’s side so they could take off. But Poe just stayed there for a moment, taking a deep breath. 

“I gotta go let them now I’m leaving early. I’ll be right back, okay?” Poe’s voice was calm and collected, almost soothing enough to slip away from Finn without protest.

“But—”

“I’ll be five minutes, tops, then we can get the hell out of here,” Poe nodded, tilting his head to the glove box as he added, “There’s water in the glove box. Take a drink, take some deep breaths, lay down if you feel like it. I’ll be back before you know it.” 

Finn wanted to protest more, wanted to insist that Poe not leave his side, but he couldn’t. His throat was stuck on the word ‘but’ and he couldn’t even get that out quick enough to stop Poe from closing the passenger door and running off to God knows where. 

Five minutes felt like five months, Finn’s breath alternating from finally calming down to hurried panic ever thirty seconds or so. He wanted to lay down, as Poe had suggested, but had this needling fear that if he did, Ben would appear knocking at the windows. Instead he sipped anxiously at the water bottle, which tasted stale and heavy. 

When he finally saw Poe jogging back from a distance, Finn’s nerves cooled slightly, an air of self-consciousness falling over him. Had he just made a complete fool out of himself, blubbering and crying in the parking lot over some stupid stranger? Was he tearing Poe away from something important, his job?

Poe was there at the driver’s side in a flash, slipping into the seat and starting the truck before turning to Finn. “How you doin’?” he asked, his eyes searching over Finn’s face rapidly as he continued, “Better?” 

“Better,” he croaked. This was enough for Poe to start pulling out of the space, getting them on the road to get away from the fairgrounds. Finn’s voice was still caught in his throat, but he managed to murmur out, “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize,” Poe said, his tone was overly cautious, though it was giving way to something harder. Finn noticed the way his hands gripped the steering wheel, tight enough for the skin at his knuckles to become pale. “It was him, wasn’t it? I only saw for a second and he was hunched over but I saw the look on your face and I—” Poe cut himself off, hesitating to speak any further. 

It was a short distance to the motel, so the silence that followed Poe’s words seemed longer than it actually was. They pulled into the motel parking lot just as Finn began to find his words.

“He snuck up on me. I tried to get away but he—” Finn paused. Poe already seemed upset, he didn’t know if telling the whole truth was worth riling him up even more. That was probably what Ben wanted after all. “I just couldn’t. I’m sorry.” 

They pulled into the spot by their room and Poe looked like he was going to say something, but then didn’t, opened his mouth and closed it again before quietly saying, “Let’s go inside.” 

Finn’s stomach turned over and he felt like he’d be sick. If Poe was mad at him, if he’d done anything to hurt Poe, he wouldn’t know how to face him. 

They got out of the truck and went inside, Finn following Poe in and waiting in the center of the room as Poe closed the door and locked it behind them. When Poe turned to face him, Finn wanted to babble out more apologies, more of the story, but suddenly Poe was in front of him, holding his face, pressing their mouths together. The kiss was desperate, tender to a point of aching as Finn wrapped his arms around Poe, anchoring himself against the body of the other man. 

But still, in the back of his head, those horribly whispered words weaponized against him bubbled to the surface and Finn had to pull away to bury his face in Poe’s neck. Despite everything, despite the loathing he felt at himself for getting so worked up over something so simple, his chest was constricting again. 

“Finn, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come back here and I shouldn’t have brought you with me,” he murmured, his strong arms wrapping around Finn’s body and holding him closely. 

Finn wanted too much. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to kiss Poe until he couldn’t breath, he wanted to run away into the night and never see another human soul again. He’d get a farm all his own, live off the land, and keep his distance from everyone and everything. 

When his breathing had evened out, uneven breaths returning to their normal cadence, he pulled away from Poe’s embrace, wiping at his face furiously again. 

“Hey,” Poe huffed, pulling one of Finn’s hands away from his face. Instead, he wiped away the wetness that remained softly, his touch tender and careful as he did. 

“Sorry,” Finn murmured, taking another deep breath and exhaling shakily, “You were right that I shouldn’t have been anywhere near him. I should’ve tried harder to get away.”

Poe’s mouth turned into a hard line, his jaw gritting slightly as he pulled Finn over to the tacky orange armchair next to the bed, sitting him down. He sat opposite of Finn, on the edge of the bed that faced him. “What did he say to you?” Poe asked, the edge on his voice sharp. It was unlike any tone he’d used with Finn since they’d known each other. 

Finn didn’t know what to say, where to start. His immediate thought was he couldn’t recite the words back to Poe, it might kill him to utter those words. In fact, it was hard to repeat anything Ben had said, for fear that it would send him into another nervous tailspin. 

“He…he just…” Finn felt the uneasiness in his chest, his heart constricting as he tried to sort through a hundred feelings at once. And, as always seemed to be the case, the worst thing he could think to say, he did, “He said…he said whatever you wanted from me, you had already taken from him.” 

The silence that followed was so thoroughly uncomfortable that Finn wished that he had said anything else. Hell, he’d rather have told the whole story verbatim, he’d rather have Poe jumping up and cursing out of anger and spite, than to sit in the silence that hung between them. 

Poe’s jaw was still clenched, his hands pressed together as if in prayer, his thumb holding up his chin as he stared down at the carpet. He seemed to be considering every piece of fiber that made up the horrible shag. 

“It wasn’t like that,” Poe finally spoke, his voice still hard but quieter now. He took a deep breath before his eyes finally look up to Finn’s, holding their gaze as he acquiesced, “He and I had sex, yes, and on more than one occasion. But we were not…together. We did not care about each other. There was nothing good or right about the thing we had. And the only person who took anything from anyone was him.” 

Finn felt sick. It wasn’t unreasonable to learn that Poe had been with someone else. Hell, Poe had probably been with plenty of people — he was too handsome and too kind and too generous not to attract people to him like moths to flames. But having to confront the reality of it was a tough pill to swallow, one that left his throat scratched and raw. 

“He knew, too,” Finn nodded, his eyes glancing down at his own hands. A tear spilled over the corner of his right eye as he breathed out, “It was like he could _sense_ it on met. That we…had been together.” With a sniffle, before Poe could respond, he asked, “Do you know any of Corinthians?” 

Poe’s face seems hollowed out, tired beyond hours, beyond days. He shook his head.

Finn swallowed thickly, a wet quiver threatening his voice as he recited from memory, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body. It’s in Second Corinthians.” He took another long, shaky breath before dropping his head into his hands, “He said you were a whore and I was the whore of a whore, that we would be judged for the _things_ we’re doing. That’s what he said to me.” 

He left his head in his hands a long time; he was all cried out, the last few tears just spilling over uselessly into his hands. When his head was too heavy to hold, he lifted it, gently wiping those last remaining tears away and letting out a defeated sigh. 

When their eyes connected again, Poe’s neutral steadfastness was gone and replaced again with a softness that Finn was much more accustomed to. It was a look that had a calming effect on his shaking hands and his constricted chest. 

“I’m sorry I can’t quote the Bible for you,” Poe began, continuing quickly before Finn could protest, “But what have you told me before?”

Finn was at a loss for a moment, unsure of what answer Poe was looking for. 

Poe dropped down from the edge of the bed, on his knees at Finn’s feet, his hands moving up to grasp Finn’s hands. “You said that God lead you to me, and I’m telling you that God showed me the way to you. Now if God brought us together, how can anything we do together, anything we have together, be wrong?” Poe’s hands worked at Finn’s hands, massaging Finn’s palms with the pads of his thumbs. 

Finn considered that thought for a long while, knowing, to some extent, that that was true. Poe had only been a blessing to him, in every way, and if God intended it that way then it was good. It had to be. 

Poe continued, squeezing Finn’s hands in his, “Every moment since I met you, since you told me how you thought God brought us together, I’ve been praying to him. Thanking him for helping me find you. That’s holy work that you’ve done, Finn.” 

It was to a point now that, unbeknownst to Finn, a smile had broken out over his face. “You don’t have to say that,” Finn murmured, sensing that Poe was wavering into his showmanship side, elaborating for the sake of just trying to make Finn feel better. 

“I don’t have to, I want to,” Poe said sincerely, bringing Finn’s hand to his mouth and kissing both of his palms before murmuring, “I want you to know how good you are. How you make me feel like a better man just being around you.” 

Now Finn felt the high flush on his face, turning his gaze down bashfully to try and mask it. “Stop,” he whispered back, turning his hands in Poe’s to lift him up from the floor, pushing himself out of the chair so that they could collide in a strong, heartfelt embrace. 

When they’d both finally settled, they changed out of their clothes and got into a hot shower, Finn dutifully taking it upon himself to wash the dust and sweat of the competition from Poe’s body. Once fresh and clean from the sorrows of the day, they crawled into bed and slept tangled up in each other again.

**Saturday**

In the morning, Poe woke up first, his fingers tracing the length of Finn’s arm and his lips murmuring some song against the nape of Finn’s neck. The soft touches roused Finn from the depths of sleep to shrug at Poe, groaning back something impossible to decipher. 

From a spot just behind Finn’s left ear, there was a breathy laugh and more murmuring, “What’s that, hun?” 

“Mmmlemmesleep.” 

Another warm chuckle just next to his face, and Finn tried to pull away, but Poe was pulling him in. “Oh, come on, _darlin’_,” Poe purred out the endearment, kissing at Finn’s neck between words as he continued, “Time to get up. Can’t sleep our last day in Cheyenne away.” 

It’s a harmless comment, no malicious intention behind it, but the sudden realization was like a bucket of ice water to the face. Finn’s eyes snapped open and his heart began to race with the reality of it: their time together was coming to an end and soon. 

He jerked up out of Poe’s grip, turning to face him where he laid back in the bed. “Why would you say that?” Finn’s voice was sharper than he’d wanted it to be, like it was somehow Poe’s fault that they’d have to separate from each other. 

Poe’s eyebrows knitted together for a moment, trying to catch up to whatever conclusion Finn had jumped to. He pushed himself up to sit too. “Finn,” he started as if it was the beginning to a longer conversation, a long story with a difficult but truthful moral at the end, but no story came. 

Finn closed his eyes hard, stopping any premature or foolish emotional outburst. He knew throughout this journey there was an end destination, one that was meant for him, one that he couldn’t ask Poe to adhere to. But still the reality that it was coming, that there would be no new diversion or added stop on their makeshift road trip, hurt to think about. 

When he opened his eyes, he looked in Poe’s and read the sadness that was there too. He thought of all the things he wanted to say, all the professions of love that would sound silly to a man he’d only known for a week. 

He wanted too much. 

So instead of talking about it, facing the fear that was in front of them both, Finn crawled back into Poe’s lap, kissing him hard. Poe’s hands were all over him instantly, mapping the expanse of his back, his chest. They were both erratic, as if they had to leave each other in an hour instead of in the day that followed. Finn wanted to inhale every breath from Poe, to take everything he could and more so that when they weren’t together anymore, he could live on the memory of it, the ghost of the feeling. 

When they finally broke apart to breathe, Poe’s hands pulled Finn’s body over him so that Finn was hovering over him. Poe breathed out, “I want you. I want you, if you’re ready.” 

In the last couple days Poe had been patient with him, had assisted him along the learning curve of their sexual experiences, but they had not yet come to this final point. Finn had been too nervous and too unsure, racked with anxieties and fears — of being inadequate, of being unskilled, of being wrong. But now Poe was looking up at him, his eyes swirling with that fiery desire, softened at the edges by the sadness they found themselves swimming through. 

“But your show,” Finn breathed out shakily, swallowing thickly as he searched Poe’s face for a sign of an answer, “Won’t it hurt you?” 

“No, I can take it,” Poe shook his head, defiant and insistent. “I’ll be fine. Please, I just want you.” 

In the short time they had known each other, there was always something new to be found out about Poe. This part of him, the part adamant and begging, his voice shaky with desire, was intoxicating to Finn. Even if he’d wanted to, he wouldn’t know how to refuse Poe in this state. 

And moreover, he didn’t want to refuse. He wanted Poe just as much as Poe wanted him.

“Okay,” Finn nodded, pushing any self-consciousness aside as he leaned down to kiss Poe again, murmuring against his lips, “Show me how.” 

After, they held each other for a long time, despite the sweat and mess that mixed against their skin. Finn’s face was buried in Poe’s neck and Poe’s hands clutched at the bare skin of Finn’s back. For a long time, they just held each other. 

But eventually they had to break apart, Poe whispering sweet praise in Finn’s ear as he gently laid Finn back into the spot in the bed next to him. Then they were lying side by side, Finn staring at the ceiling and Poe staring at him. Finn was sure that if his head wasn’t swimming with sensory overload, he’d be crying his eyes out. Every moment, every sensation, had been beyond his wildest dreams. Every time their eyes had met, every breathy instruction from Poe’s quivering lips, had engulfed Finn. And when it had started to come naturally to him, when his body had begun to take ownership and they both got to sink into it fully, it had been magic. He couldn’t imagine feeling so strongly about another person ever again. 

“Hey,” Poe whispered, reaching out to put a finger under Finn’s chin, turning his face to look at him, “You okay?”

Finn was still somewhere else, his head floating between reality and somewhere far away. “Yeah,” he nodded, swallowing thickly. His eyes took in the sight of Poe, of loose black curls askew and of the flushed red cheeks beneath those impossibly deep brown eyes. “You’re just so beautiful,” Finn whispered, the words heavy with sincerity. 

Poe smiled, the color on his cheeks deepening as his finger glided up Finn’s cheek. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered back, leaning forward and pressing a long, simple kiss to Finn’s lips. When he pulled away, his voice was still a whisper as he shifted slightly, “Come on. Let’s shower and get ready, okay?” 

It took Finn longer to move, his eyes sliding down the length of Poe’s body as the man stretched, wincing or trembling here and there as he sat up and then stood. Finn felt a pang of guilt, that they really shouldn’t have done something so strenuous on Poe’s body before he went out to his show, but there was nothing to be done about it now. 

Poe looked back at him, raising an eyebrow as he asked, “You gonna join me or you gonna make me shower alone?” 

“Of course,” Finn said softly, though it still took a moment for his brain to send the signal to his legs to move. When he managed to finally get himself up, Poe had already disappeared into the bathroom. 

They had a late breakfast at a diner across from the fairgrounds. Poe seemed chipper, even more talkative than usual as he recounted an old story about one of the first shows he ever competed in. Finn just smiled and listened and tried to keep from saying _I love you I love you I love you_ in response to everything Poe said. 

When they were done, Poe drove him to the front gate of the grounds to drop him off for the day. There was a moment of silence when Finn was staring across the truck cab, one hand on the door handle while he thought this would be the time to say it. 

_I love you I love you I love you._

But he just said goodbye and good luck and that he would see him again soon. 

The entirety of his Saturday at the fairgrounds was spent looking over his shoulder and praying to God to keep Ben far away from him. It seemed to work, as the day passed without incident. 

When he settled into a seat in the grandstands, between two families so no one could sneak up beside him, Finn was once again enchanted by the barrel racing competitions. When the youth competition set out with their finalists, Finn found himself rooting for a young red-headed boy with enough freckles smattered across his face that they could be identified from the stands. He raced on a lean young horse that had coppery hair nearly the same color as the boy’s. More than anything, though, the boy seemed full of spirit , cheering for himself as he turned tight corners around the barrel markers, ripping across the arena. The boy took second place, beaming proudly when they handed him a second place trophy. Finn cheered along with the crowd. 

There was the teen competition, which saw a beautiful Mexican girl with flowers braided into her hair take the top prize, with a finishing speed that would have put her in the finalists lineup for the women’s category. The women raced and were awarded their prizes, rounding out the barrel-racing competition with such excitement and fervor that Finn almost forgot that Poe’s competition was up next. 

They’d taken five finalists, Poe had explained. When Finn had torn out of the grandstands the prior evening, he had done so before seeing the rest of the competitors, and had missed the four other men that had made it through to this round. They had talked at breakfast briefly about the competition, Finn asking how Poe was feeling about his chances. He had just continued to sip his coffee, waving his free hand as if he didn’t have a concern in the world. 

Finn would just have to be nervous for the both of them, his stomach whirling as he read over the names in the category. 

When they finally announced they were ready for the bulldogging category to begin, Finn said a silent prayer for Poe. 

The first two cowboys out of the gate were nervous and it was all over their faces. The first was squirming atop his horse like he had forgotten how to ride and ended up taking far too long to loop the arena multiple times before finally taking his shot to dismount and take the steer down. The second jumped too late, his body hitting the ground with a thud! and sending up a puff of dirt around him. While this delighted the other people in the stands, it just made Finn more anxious. 

The third man that burst out of the gate was cool and collected, waving his hat up at the stands as he raced around the arena. He was fast — not as fast as Poe had been — but fast enough to cause Finn to worry at his lip. If Poe was off his game at all, or hesitated, it would be easy for this cowboy to beat him. The fourth participant was middle-of-the-road — no show-boating, but no nerves either. He went out and did what he had to do, though he wasn’t nearly as quick as the previous one. And then there was one left. 

They called Poe’s name and he burst from the gate. Finn cheered with the rest of the crowd, his heart leaping into his throat as he counted the seconds. Poe’s usual showmanship was cast aside, only glancing up at the crowd once to flash a quick smile. In a matter of moments, he was across the arena, leaping from his horse and bringing down the steer in one fell swoop. There was no hesitation, no slipping of his hands like the day before, just an impossibly fast takedown. The crowd jumped to their feet, hollering and whooping louder than ever before. Even with the other competitor’s speed, it was easy to tell that Poe had them beat. Finn couldn’t stop smiling. 

They brought out their three winners, bestowing a good sized trophy and a check to Poe Dameron, the grand prize winner in the bulldogging category.

The next bit of the show was bronc riding, but Finn slipped out of his seat before they could start. He followed the path he had the night before, slipping around people and past signs in order to make his way back to the parking lot where the participants were. When he’d told Poe about sneaking back there, Poe had tried to persuade him not to try it again, but Finn didn’t want to wait another hour to meet Poe out front. He found himself there in the parking lot, weaving around pickup trucks and other vehicles looking for Poe’s. From a farther part of the lot, he could hear some slight commotion, but didn’t pay any mind to it, figuring it was a couple of the cowboys celebrating the wrap of the rodeo. 

That was until he heard a sharp cry that was clearly out of pain. 

With his nerves on edge and a bad feeling running the length of his spine, Finn jogged towards the sound of the noises. The closer he got, the more those noises sounded like fighting, not celebrating. He came around the corner from behind a large truck and saw two shadows posturing at each other. From the sounds of their voices, Finn’s stomach dropped. It was impossible to miss the sharpness of Poe’s hostility or the ugliness of Ben’s aggression.

The two seemed to exchange words that Finn couldn’t hear from a distance and even as he approached the bits that he could pick up didn’t come together to make any sense. 

“You’re a fucking psychopath. I should’ve killed you when I—”

“—but you know you came back for a reason. You liked it, didn’t you? You came back because you wanted me to—”

“If you touch me, I’ll kill you.” 

Then, when Finn was just close enough to try and diffuse the situation, he could finally see the two. Ben began to reach forward but Poe darted out of his grasp, socking Ben hard in the stomach and watching for him to double over. When the taller men bent over in pain, Poe connected his left fist with Ben’s jaw. The crack of the sound was nauseating. 

“_Poe!_” Finn yelled out before he could stop himself, shocked by the sudden exchange of blows. 

Poe looked up from where Ben was bent over, his eyes glazed over with rage for a moment before he made the connection of what he was looking at. “Finn?” he asked, his voice laced with surprise. 

In the brief moment of distraction, Ben seized his opportunity. In an instant, he was upright, reaching out to grab Poe’s shirt with one hand to hold him steady as his other fist connected two hard jabs to the right-side of Poe’s jaw. Poe tried to block the hits, but missed, his head lolling back after the second hit for a brief moment. 

Before he knew what was happening, Finn was sprinting towards them. Ben shoved Poe back hard against the hood of his truck, still distracted as Finn drove his shoulder into the taller man’s chest. The hit sent Ben flying back to the ground, landing hard against the asphalt. Finn stood over his body, growling down at him, “Get out of here, now.” 

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do to make me, _faggot_?” Ben growled, spitting some combination of saliva and blood at Finn’s feet. 

Finn was momentarily shaken. Of course he’d heard that word before, in church and in town, usually in conversations to demonize people that had the same feelings he had. But no one had ever weaponized against him personally, because he had done such careful work to hide that part of himself away. For so long he had feared hearing the word hurled at him in this exact tone. 

Then Poe was at his side, swaying slightly as he kicked the toe of his boot hard into Ben’s ribcage. “He said get the fuck out of here. Now,” Poe hissed the last word, daring Ben to try and defy him. 

The tall man groaned, rolling away and crawling back up onto his feet. He looked at the two of them with a venomous scowl, opening his mouth and then shutting it again. Instead of retaliating, instead of hurling more sharp words, he retreated, ducking behind a row of trucks and scampering off into the dark of the night. When Finn was sure Ben was at far enough of a distance, he turned to Poe, who was still swaying on his feet. Finn reached out to steady him, a hand at his waist and under one arm. The right side of Poe’s face was already starting to swell, his lip and the upper part of his right cheek split open and slowly oozing blood. “Poe,” Finn murmured, guiding him back to the truck where he could lean for balance. 

“Finn,” Poe murmured back, one hand reaching out to steady himself against the truck. 

Finn’s fingers hovered over the cuts and freshly forming bruises, afraid that if he touched them they’d get dirty or worse. “What were you thinking? Why’d you hit him like that?” 

The longer Poe stood there the more delirious he seemed to be becoming, his lips pulling into a loopy smile as he said, “Because he deserved to be hit like that. Hell, if you didn’t come along to stop me, I would’ve killed him.”

Finn shuddered, even as he knew that this was an endorphin-fueled fight response. “Don’t say that,” Finn whispered, brushing Poe’s curls back from his head. He looked at the ground around them, spotting Poe’s hat mired in the dirt. He scooped it up and handed it to Poe. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he said softly, slipping an arm around the man’s waist and ushering him to the passenger side door. 

Finn got him situated in the passenger seat before going around to the other side of the truck, getting behind the wheel. He drove them the short distance to the motel, anxiously scanning the parking lot and walkway in front of their room before he parked and ushered Poe into the room. He had to keep one arm wrapped around Poe’s waist as he continued to sway, using the other hand to pull the door shut behind them and lock each lock carefully. 

From the door, Finn pulled Poe across the room to the bathroom, kicking the lid of the toilet seat down and sitting Poe on top of it. Poe had been silent most of the drive back, humming to himself somewhat with his eyes shut. Even now as he sat swaying like a child, he could hardly keep his eyes open. 

“Don’t fall asleep,” Finn chided, pulling a clean washcloth from one of the towel racks and turning the hot water knob at the sink. He waited for it to warm, testing it every couple of seconds as the water heated. 

Poe looked up and over at him, his left eye open while his right was swollen to a point where it couldn’t be opened. The blood from his cuts seemed to have stopped flowing, though the dried blood in its place looked just as morbid. “Still look like a movie star to ya?” he teased, his lips pulling up into a smile that threatened to crack open his split lip all over again. 

“That’s not funny,” Finn murmured softly, finally dipping the washcloth under the stream of heated water. When it was thoroughly soaked, he turned off the water, then moved to stand in front of Poe. He used his free hand to cradle Poe’s head, tilting it back so Poe’s face was looking up at him. With as gentle a touch as he could, he began to wash Poe’s face, taking extra care where dirt and blood had started to mix. 

Poe’s arms reached out to wrap around the small of Finn’s back, his hands snaking down to rest in the back pockets of Finn’s jeans. “ ‘m not trying to be funny,” Poe tried to talk around the washcloth pressed at his lips, leaning his head back away from Finn’s touch enough to stop Finn momentarily. He looked up into Finn’s eyes as he turned his face into Finn’s arm that cradled his head, pressing a kiss to his forearm. “You still think I’m handsome?” he asked softly, real concern creeping into his tone this time. 

Finn huffed, gently pulling his face closer again and getting back to the work at hand. “Of course I do,” Finn murmured, wiping at the dirt and grime smeared across Poe’s cheek, “Even if your eye is gonna be swollen for a couple of days.” 

He almost began to ask Poe why he had decided to start a fist fight with a man half a foot taller than him after putting his body through the physical strain of the rodeo, but realized it was a moot point. He knew why Poe felt he had to fight and there was nothing to be done about it now. 

They sat in silence for the rest of the time that Finn cleaned Poe’s face. When he had finally concluded, he released Poe’s head and moved back to the sink, rinsing out the washcloth. There was nothing to bandage the cuts with, so he’d have to wash them again in the morning and they’d have to stop at a drugstore before they left town. 

All of a sudden it was their last night in Casper and Finn had to grip the sides of the sink to keep from sinking to the floor in tears. 

“Finn?” Poe was looking at him, watching him. 

Finn straightened back up, clearing his throat as he nodded back, “Yeah, sorry, just tired. Let’s get to bed.” 

Poe seemed to be able to get up and walk by himself, though he needed help to unbutton his shirt and pull it off, his undershirt pulled over his head by Finn’s careful hands. They undressed the rest of the way, then crawled into bed, despite the smell of sweat and fairgrounds clinging to both of them. Finn would’ve taken Poe into the shower but he was bordering on exhaustion now and didn’t want to risk Poe slipping and hurting himself even more. 

They laid down facing each other, quiet for a long time. Poe was the first to speak, his voice cracking slightly as he whispered, “Thank you, Finn.” 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Finn whispered back, reaching up to push Poe’s curls back again, running his fingers through them for a few seconds before letting them be. His hand fell between them and Poe reached up to take it, to intertwine their fingers together. 

“I’d do anything for you.” It had been a regular thought in Finn’s head for the last several days, but this time it had slipped out unintentionally. But he didn’t blush or scramble to take it back. What was the harm in Poe hearing the truth?

Poe seemed momentarily stalled, as if he didn’t know what the words strung together meant. But his face changed, his features softened. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Finn’s, kissing him slow and deep. Finn could taste the blood on Poe’s lip but didn’t care, inhaling every taste he could get. 

Who knew how many chances for these kind of kisses there were left? 

They fell asleep facing each other, tangled in each other once again.

*******

**Sunday**

Sunday morning Finn knew he should be excited that he would finally be reunited with Rey and a big part of him was. 

But another part of him, the part watching Poe sleep peacefully despite the massive deep purple bruise blossoming around his eye and high cheek, was distraught that this would be it. 

The last day. 

Finn watched Poe for nearly an hour, every minute or so finding something new to fixate on. From a loose curl falling forward on his forehead, to the lobe of his right ear, to the collarbone jutting out from his chest. 

There were moments in that silent time before Poe woke up that Finn allowed a few tears to roll down from his eyes, to mourn the unimaginable love that he’d felt for the last week. It was too painful to keep them in. But when Poe finally started to stir, Finn’s eyes and cheeks were dry. He decided no good could come of making an emotional spectacle of this last bit of time together. If he wanted to savor these last hours together, he’d have to be present in them. 

“Oh God dammit,” Poe groaned as he started to wake up, bringing a hand to his face and accidentally brushing the bruise of his right eye. “Oh God dammit,” he grumbled again, rolling onto his back. 

“Hey, watch it,” Finn huffed on instinct, still feeling uncomfortable with the crude swearing. 

Poe looked over at him with his good eye, groaning miserably, “Darlin’, I’m sorry, but this hurts like a son of a bitch.”

“Poe,” Finn said sternly, propping himself up on his elbow, and instructing, “Enough of that. Now I was gonna go out and try to find a drugstore, but I didn’t want you to think I up and left you here alone. Do you want me to go out while you shower and get ready or you want to wait until we leave?” 

“No,” Poe snapped quickly, his hands jetting out to Finn’s sides instantly, pulling him in and murmuring, “I don’t want you to go anywhere without me.”

Finn thought to chuckle but didn’t. There was a clear concern on Poe’s face, in his eyes, that kept Finn from making light of his sudden clinging. “Okay. Then let’s get ready for the day,” he said softly. 

Poe made no moves to release him, pressing his hands flat to Finn’s back and hugging their bodies close. “Do we have to?”

For a second Finn thought to say no, to let Poe hold him as long as he needed to, for them to spend another day or week or month here. 

“Yeah, we have to,” Finn said softly. He still waited a few minutes before wriggling out of Poe’s grasp and pulling him out of bed. 

They showered for as long as they could stand to, Finn bringing a fresh washcloth in just to tend to Poe’s face. When they got out, Finn helped Poe dress and then dressed himself, both men unusually quiet as they went about the motions. 

“So we’ll stop at a drugstore, get to the fairgrounds to get the animals, then …we’ll go,” Finn talked through the plan for the morning as he packed their things into their separate bags. 

Poe watched from the bed, holding a cold washcloth to his swollen eye. “Breakfast,” he interjected, repeating back, “Drugstore, breakfast, fairgrounds.” 

Finn conceded, nodding, “Okay. Drugstore, breakfast, fairgrounds.” 

They loaded their things into the truck. Poe started to walk towards the driver’s side and Finn had to reach for the handle first to stop him. 

“You can only see out of one eye, you’re not driving,” Finn insisted, standing between Poe and the door. 

Poe opened his mouth for a moment then closed it into a pout, retreating to the passenger side. 

They found a drugstore with relative ease, Finn collecting first aid supplies from each aisle as Poe grumbled along behind him. Finn paid for his haul, another thing he insisted on doing much to Poe’s disagreement. 

When they got back into the truck cab, Finn rifled through the bag of purchases, pulling out a small vial of disinfectant, cotton pads, and a butterfly bandage. Poe protested all the nursing, complaining that he’d rather eat then fuss around with his face, but that didn’t stop Finn. He carefully cleaned the open wounds before closing the cut on Poe’s cheekbone with a bandage. There was nothing to be done about the split lip but keep it clean, and there was no hope for the black eye besides ice, but Finn did the best with what he could. When he started to pack all the things back away in the bag, Poe finally seemed relieved. 

They returned to one of the diners they liked, sitting across a table from each other once again. It was one of their more quiet meals, each of the two of them delved too deeply in their own thoughts to try and cobble together a conversation. They ate quickly and went on their way to the fairgrounds. 

At the stables, Poe filled out all the paperwork he needed to get checked out. Finn helped where he could — collecting Bebe from her kennel, assisting in getting the horse into the trailer and the trailer hitched up to the back of the truck. Once again, Poe circled back to the driver’s side and Finn had to insist that he not drive them up to Casper. 

“But you don’t know the way,” Poe pouted, though it was clear it was a fight he couldn’t win.

“I’ll follow the signs. And you can guide me,” Finn insisted, gesturing to the other side of the truck and waiting for Poe to go. 

When they were actually settled in, both climbed into the truck cab with Bebe curled up in the backseat, there was no more stalling, no other errand to run or place to be. 

So Finn pulled out of the fairgrounds parking lot and followed the signs to the highway that led to Casper.


	4. Casper

**Casper**

The drive out of Cheyenne is quiet for a long time. Finn was mostly focused on the task of driving, because it had been a while since he’d had to haul a trailer. Every few minutes he’d glance over at Poe, who just seemed to be sulking miserably, and feel that misery swirling around his throat too. 

It was impossible to come up with something to say because every thought led back to the fact that this was the last day together or the last time in Poe’s truck. All of the surprisingly wonderful firsts that Finn had encountered along the way did not prepare him for all of the lasts he would have to face too. 

After about an hour, Poe cleared his throat, then muttered, “This sucks.” 

“What sucks?” Finn jumped at the chance to talk, to fill the silence with something, even if he knew exactly what Poe meant. 

“This,” Poe grumbled, gesturing vaguely to his face and then out at the dashboard in front of them. There’s no further elaboration, but Finn nodded. Every mile that went by was another mile towards the end. 

Finn swallowed hard, glancing over at Poe for a long moment before turning back to the road. “Yeah, it does,” he said quietly. 

Instead of answering with more conversation, Poe just looked back out the passenger side window, sighing deeply. Blindly, he reached for Finn’s right hand with his left, and Finn let him take it. Their fingers slid together on instinct, muscle memory allowing them to slip into this sliver of familiarity. 

A couple more hours pass and, impossibly, they’re driving by a sign welcoming them to Casper. It isn’t fair how quickly the time goes by. 

They stop at a gas station just on the edge of town, Finn going into the store and showing the clerk Rey’s address to get directions. He learned it was only ten or so minutes to the place scribbled on the piece of paper. He relayed the information back to Poe, who tried to offer a smile but failed to exhibit anything close to happiness. 

So he followed the directions, setting their course for Rey’s home. 

When Finn pulled into the long horseshoe shaped driveway of the ranch that matched the address Rey had scribbled down for him, a warmth filled his heart. He’d never been or seen pictures of the place before, but he knew it well anyway. 

“So this is it,” he breathed out, saying something just to say something. 

He glanced over at Poe, who was surveying the land that stretched past the house as they approached it. “Yeah, I guess it is,” he murmured, his voice small and sad. 

Finn wanted to kiss him again, but he knew better. 

When he pulled up to the front of the house and parked, Finn began to clamber out of the driver’s seat, until he noticed Poe sitting still. “Aren’t you going to come?” He asked directly, not wanting to leave Poe behind in all of this. 

“You go on ahead,” Poe said softly, taking a deep breath before adding, “Make sure she’s here and all.” 

Finn hesitated, wanting to push or insist that Poe come up to the door with him, but he let it go. He climbed out of the truck, trying to clear his head in the short few steps up to the door This had been so long in the making, he’d wanted so badly to be here on Rey’s front steps, and he tried to recall that feeling from what seemed like ages ago. 

Before he could even knock, the door flew open and a body collided with his, arms flung over his shoulders and the sheer force of the jump sent them both stumbling back. There was a loud shriek as Finn hugged Rey tight, struggling to counter-balance and keep them from tumbling to the ground.

“You’re here! You’re really here!” Her voice was a song, just as light and lovely as Finn had remembered it. 

“I’m here,” Finn laughed, releasing his hold on her to step back and say, “I made it in one piece, somehow.” 

“I’m so happy to see you, you have no idea,” she beamed, her hands pressing at his cheeks and holding his face as she asked, “Hasn’t it only been a few months? Gosh, you look so grown up, you’re almost a different person.” 

Finn rolled his eyes at her, laughing at the thought that he felt like a different person too. 

From behind him, Finn heard the sound of one of the truck doors opening and closing, and when he turned he saw Poe standing next to the truck, lifting a hand in a reserved salute. Finn wondered if that was how he had looked at Jess’ door those many days ago, meek and nervous. 

“Rey, this is my friend,” Finn beckoned Poe over and, though he seemed to hesitate for a second, Poe came slowly up the porch. “This is my friend, Poe Dameron. He’s the one that’s been driving me all over.” 

Poe gave Rey a smile, putting more effort into looking authentic than he had before. “Nice to meet you, Rey,” he greeted. 

“Nice to meet _you_, Poe,” she returned the greeting, her own smile still lighting up her face as she gestured to Poe’s eye, “That’s quite a bruise you got there. Would you like something cold to put on it, bring down the swelling a bit?” 

Finn knew when Poe opened his mouth it was going to be to politely decline, so he spoke up first. “That’s exactly what he needs, it’s been bothering him something awful all morning,” Finn nodded at Poe, ignoring the look Poe gave him as he turned back to Rey, asking, “Would you mind if we let Poe’s dog and horse out? They’ve been on the road all morning too.” 

“Of course not!” Rey exclaimed, reaching out to take Poe’s arm and pulling him towards the door as she gestured to the side of the house. “If you turn off the driveway just around the side, you can take them in through the fence and let ‘em loose, if they’re behaved. Everything’s fenced in so they won’t get out,” she nodded to Poe and said, “I’ll take this one in and get something frozen on his eye.” 

Finn nodded at her, then looked at Poe and nodded at him, giving him an encouraging smile as he took the steps down off the porch. “Alright, I’ll be in in a minute,” he called back before retreating into the truck cab, watching with a smile as Rey pulled Poe inside, already chattering away in his ear. 

He pulled the truck around the side of the house, jumping out to push open the unlocked gate, driving through it, then jumping out again to shut the gate behind him. He left the truck parked just on the side of the house, beckoning Bebe out of the backseat, which she gladly obliged, sprinting off to roll in the grass. Next, he lead Poe’s horse down from the trailer, cooing to her softly as he brought her to the grass too, giving her space to graze. 

He grabbed his bag, taking a long glance at Poe’s as he considered whether or not to bring it inside. While he didn’t want Poe to leave for selfish reasons, he also didn’t think Poe should be driving anywhere with one eye swollen shut. But it wasn’t his decision to make. It was Rey’s home and he wasn’t going to insist she let a stranger spend the night. So he left it, closing the passenger door and walking back around to the front of the house, closing the gate behind him again to keep the animals in. 

When he walked in through the front door, he was surprised by how the sun seemed to shine on every inch of the house. Windows in every room seemed to pour in light, with skylights in the main few rooms looking up into the beautiful blue sky. 

He followed the front entryway that opened into a cozy combined sitting room and kitchen. From the doorway, he could see Rey perched on the end of a coffee table, talking into the couch, where, after a few more steps, Poe could be found laid out with a cold compress pressed to his swollen eye. Rey was hunched over murmuring something quietly, some focused conversation between them, but when she caught sight of Finn from the corner of her eye, she straightened up, gesturing him over. 

Finn left his bag by the door, coming over to sit on the edge of the coffee table next to Rey, who took his hand in hers excitedly. “You’re back just in time,” she exclaimed, looking from Finn back to Poe, giving him a nod.

With one eye hidden behind the cloth towel and laid back on his back, he seemed almost shy to be caught compromised. “Wouldn’t you know it, she’s just as bad as you about this whole black eye business,” he teased softly. Finn tried to not look too excited that Poe was actually joking around, ribbing him and Rey when he hadn’t done anything but pout all morning long. 

“Poe is going to spend the night here at the house,” Rey blurted out, patting Finn’s hand as she shook her head at Poe, “It wouldn’t be right to let him drive all over God’s green earth with only one good eye to see out of.” 

A smile pulled over Finn’s face, looking first at Rey and then exchanging a look with Poe that still made him yearn to kiss him, to crawl on top of him and fall asleep in his arms. “Really?” he said, first to Poe and then to Rey. 

“Of course,” Rey said, squeezing his hand slightly as she cheerily relayed, “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine, and no friend of ours is going to roll his truck into a ditch because he’s currently lacking depth perception.” 

Poe laughed at the idea, rolling his one good eye as he pointed at Finn, “You could’ve warned me that she was gonna be such a spitfire.”

Finn waved him off, laughing himself as he said, “Well that’s great! I’m glad you two have already hit it off.” 

Rey nodded excitedly, her hand leaving his just to wrap an arm around him, hugging him to her side. “Poe was just telling me about being in the rodeo, since I’ve never been to one,” she bubbled over with enthusiasm, turning to Finn as she asked, “How’d you like it? Now that you’ve been to a couple.” 

Finn laughed, shrugging his shoulders as he replied, “They’re very fun, I think you’d get a real kick out of it.” 

She seemed delighted by that answer, patting his shoulder and nodding, “Well next time Poe is coming through town we’ll have to go see him, huh?” She didn’t wait for an answer to her rhetorical question, jumping up from her spot on the table and clapping her hands. “Let me get you boys some food and something to drink. Have you had lunch yet?” 

Finn shook his head and she muttered something about not taking proper care of themselves. She hurried over to the kitchen and started whirling around, pulling open drawers and cabinets wildly. 

Finn turned his attention back to Poe, sliding over to the space where Rey had been sitting so he could face Poe better. 

“Hi,” Poe murmured softly, smiling sweetly up at him. 

“Hi,” Finn murmured back, reaching over to take the compress from Poe’s hand, lifting it just enough to get a look at his eye. Obviously nothing had changed in the last fifteen minutes, but it gave him an excuse to lean in, to be close. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better,” Poe said, his voice still quiet as his hand came up to close over Finn’s for just a second, before taking back ownership of the compress. “More so now that I get to stick around with you two,” he said softly, his smile faltering and turning somber. 

Finn’s smile wavered too, his eyes glancing over to Rey, who was making herself too busy to look at them. When he looked back at Poe, his heart felt heavy, too big for his own chest. “You know we’re going to have to say goodbye eventually,” Finn said, his tone apparent that the thought was like torture in his own mind. 

This was met with a deep sigh from Poe, his gaze looking back up at the ceiling as he whispered, “I know. But it’s nice to have more time.” 

“Yeah. It is,” Finn nodded, finding a small smile again as he brushed the back of his fingers over the side of Poe’s jaw that wasn’t covered in a compress. Then he was up from the table, saying, “I’ll get your things from the truck.”

He did just that, going back out to the truck to retrieve Poe’s bags. He was met by a stand offish Bebe, who followed at his heels barking until he agreed to ask to bring her in the house. 

Of course Rey didn’t mind, squealing with delight when the orange and white fluffball came bounding through the kitchen. Despite her size, Rey scooped the dog up with ease and Bebe let her, lapping at her face with a fervor. 

After the girls got acquainted, and after Rey showed Finn the bedroom she had set up for him and a spare bedroom for Poe, they all had a quaint lunch. Rey led them in a blessing before asking them question after question — some about their grand road trip, some about Bebe, some for Poe about his life in general.

As much as Finn felt comfortable in Jess’s presence when he had visited with her, it was relaxing to be in the presence of someone who had known him before all of this, before these incredible changes in his life, and still seemed to care for him regardless. Even if she didn’t know the full extent to which he’d become different, she acknowledged that he seemed wildly happier than he had been before. There was the part of him that still harbored that fear that somehow she would figure out that he was a homosexual, that he and Poe had known each other in that way, and be horrified by it. It was irrational to think such a thing, but it was hard to get away from when even just sitting at her kitchen table, Finn and Poe could hardly fight the magnetism that drew their bodies together, manifesting in quick touches of the shoulder or ankles hooked around each other under the table. With Poe so close, and soon to be so far away, it was hard not to be drawn to him. 

After lunch Rey showed them around the little house, explaining that the person that had lived there previously had passed away without any family to pass it along to, and in their will had left the house to the church. When that discovery had been made, Rey had volunteered to take over maintenance of the property on behalf of the church, and the congregation had gladly accepted her offer. She was well liked in the community and it was well known that she had spent several years of her life living in the church itself when her family had passed. 

She was an orphan just like Finn, just like Poe. 

The bond was instantaneous — like the one Finn had felt when getting to know Jess and Poe. At first it had been Finn and Rey chatting back and forth, catching up, but within a few hours Poe and Rey were in a spirited conversation about where to find the best southern cooking in Nebraska and which state was the best to road trip through. Finn was so content to hear them bicker that he just sat back and listened with a satisfied smile on his face. 

They walked the outside of the property, Poe introducing Rey to his horse as she approached them, looking for carrots or treats. Rey miraculously pulled some sugar cubes from her pocket, which won her the favor of the horse easily. 

The main backyard was fenced in, and beyond it, three quarters of the space hosted a grazing pasture, though Rey didn’t have any livestock of her own besides a few chickens housed in a coop just off the porch. The remaining quarter of the land was a great and intricate garden, where onions, lettuce, tomatoes, spinach, and carrots were growing in individually planted and tended rows. She explained that one of the ways she afforded the upkeep of the property was by growing produce and selling it back to the community at farmers markets or at the groceries in town. It was enough to keep her fed and the lights on, which she said was good enough for her. 

Finn considered the land as they walked back to the house, Poe and Rey walking ahead and chattering about some famous tourist attraction in Oklahoma. When Finn looked out onto the property, he envisioned what his life could look like here, where he could assist with Rey’s crops or where they could put up a barn and raise some animals to help pay the bills. But at the end of each line of thinking, the vision in his head wasn’t spending the rest of his days with Rey. 

He wanted this life with Poe. 

But it was clear that Poe loved his life on the road, and he had a good life doing it. 

Later that night, after a hearty dinner that Finn helped Rey prepare while Poe was relegated to sitting on the couch with a compress on his eye, they lounged around the sitting room. The house had been left to Rey with a sizeable black and white television set and an ornate radio. They tried to sit through a news program on the television, but grew bored easily and collectively agreed that nothing on the few channels was worth watching. Rey gladly turned to the radio, which picked up a clear and strong signal from the stations down in Cheyenne. She flipped it onto that station she liked to listen to when she worked around the house, and within moments she was singing along to some R&B girl group about love. 

Finn hadn’t had much music back at his old home — the few records he was allowed to keep and play around the house were Christian songs or psalms and the house radio never moved off a local preacher’s all-hours broadcast station. The last couple days in Poe’s truck had been more of a glimpse at popular music than he’d ever had before. 

It was clear that both Poe and Rey kept up with the trends, though, because as that song faded out and the radio presenter announced the next song, they both jumped to their feet and chattered excitedly. If Finn hadn’t known better, he would’ve thought them long lost dance partners that had been reunited just in time to perform their hit song.

“The night we met I knew I needed you so,” their voices rang out in unison, Poe offering his hand and Rey taking it. His other hand went to her hip and hers to his shoulder, dancing around the room as they sang along, “And if I had the chance I'd never let you go.”

They swung around the room, singing along with each word as the song crescendoed into a chorus that caused them to grin at each other, belting out, “So won't you please, be my, be my baby. Be my little baby, my one and only baby.” 

Finn found it charming, the way they seemed to be perfectly in step despite hardly knowing each other. It seemed so easy for them, swaying with the music and twirling around the room without a care. Part of him was envious that he didn’t know the words, didn’t know how to release himself from his own inhibitions, but largely he was just happy to be in the realm of their comfort, their pure joy. When the song came to an end, they both bubbled over with laughter, bowing to each other. 

Finn clapped and cheered for them. They turned to him and bowed again, Finn bringing his fingers to his mouth and letting out a couple wolf whistles. 

“Alright, alright, Finn, it’s your turn now,” Rey called, gesturing for him to get up from the couch. Finn shook his head even as she walked over, pulling him up off the couch as the next song started playing. It was a faster song, one that Rey only seemed to know every other few words from, but that didn’t stop her from taking his hands and doing a modified twist with him. Over the clanging and chaotic male vocals, Finn followed Rey’s lead enough to swing her around, laughing along with her as he spun her around by the hand. As joyous as it had been to watch, how euphoric it was to dance in a nearly empty room with laughter and music filling the space around them. 

And from the corner of his eye, he could see Poe sitting at the edge of the couch, trying to contain that luminous grin of his. It was over almost as soon as it had begun, the song coming to an end just as Finn twirled her into a dip, which was met with a standing ovation from their audience of one. When Finn looked over at Poe, his heart wanted to jump right out of his chest. 

He righted Rey back up and gave her a little bow, which she met with a polite curtsey, both of them laughing at the other. 

“Alright, boys, your turn now,” she exhaled, sprawling her body out on the couch that Poe had jumped up from, shooing him with her hand over to Finn as she continued, “It’s only fair, isn’t it?” 

Finn felt his face lose its color; even despite the fact that Rey had been the one to make the suggestion. Despite the fact that she seemed completely sincere, reaching one of her feet up from the couch to nudge Poe in the back, it felt like a trick. It felt like if he tried to dance with Poe, some facade would collapse and he’d be left with nothing but ridicule and shame. 

But a dreamy song started to play over the speakers and Poe seemed delighted, teasing, “Well we can’t just sit this one out.” 

Finn's eyes darted between Rey and Poe, the former regarding them with a curious smile while the latter approached him and took his hand so easily, placing his other hand on Finn’s waist as he had done previously with Rey. Finn was stagnant for a long moment, his gaze going back to Rey in a panic. But instead of cruelty or disgust, she had the same cheerful look she had when she was dancing. She waved her hand at him as if to say ‘go on, let’s see it’ until Finn brought his free hand to rest on Poe’s shoulder. Only then did she make an ‘okay’ sign with her fingers, encouraging him with a nod. 

A soulful woman’s voice came gliding over wistful jazz music, lyrics that Poe seemed to know easily as he crooned along, “Our day will come and we'll have everything. We'll share the joy falling in love can bring.” 

It had to be a dream, as Finn was sure he was floating out of his body. There was no explanation for his good fortune, for all this love he had suddenly accumulated in his life. He glanced over at Rey, who just seemed at peace to be near them, swaying her head to the music. 

“No one can tell me that I'm too young to know,” Poe was still singing along, gently swaying Finn in a way that drew Finn’s eyes back up to his, just as Poe sang softly, “I love you so. And you love me.” 

Finn couldn’t look anywhere but Poe’s eyes, even the one swallowed in a bruise. The laugh lines at the corners of his eyes were gone, his face sincere as he continued to sing along. It was impossible for Finn to comprehend any of the words that followed, focusing instead on the melody of Poe’s soft voice, the tenderness of his hands holding onto him. Even when it was over, it didn’t feel like it was over. Poe was saying something in his ear and then turning and saying something else in Rey’s direction, something more playful that made Rey clap more excitedly and laugh along with him. Still, Poe’s hand lingered at Finn’s waist, even as he and Rey exchanged words that Finn couldn’t be bothered to hear. 

Then Rey was up on her feet taking both of their hands and spinning both Finn and Poe around by their hands, some joyous song by The Beach Boys playing over the radio that demanded that they all jump around like madmen. 

Even in the fun of it all, the aching was a stone in Finn’s throat that he could not swallow, could only try to speak around for the rest of the evening.

*******

In the quiet of the night, Poe came to him. 

After spending several nights falling asleep next to the warmth of a body beside him, the strength of arms holding onto him, it was difficult to dwell in the chill and the silence of the empty room. 

So when his door slowly swung open, Poe peeking in cautiously, Finn was fully awake, sitting up so quickly that he startled Poe. 

“Shit,” Poe whispered, looking back out into the hallway behind him before slipping into the room, carefully closing the door behind him. “I thought you’d be asleep.” 

“I could say the same for you,” Finn replied, though he assumed Poe was awake for the same reason he was. Even as he spoke he was shifting over in the bed, creating space for Poe to occupy. 

Poe was quick to take the silent offer, scurrying across the room and crawling into bed. He could hardly seat himself all the way down onto the mattress before Finn was kissing him, pulling Poe’s face tenderly to his as he tried to situate himself. Behind the privacy of closed doors, with the safety of nighttime separating them from the only other person in the house, it was easy to fall into the muscle memory of hands racing up each other’s backs, tongues in each other’s mouths. 

And then somehow in the movement of it all, Finn accidentally bumped Poe’s bruised cheek, and Poe shirked away quickly, letting a slew of whispered swear words fill the air between them. 

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry babe I didn’t mean to. Let me see,” Finn murmurs the words so quickly he can hardly breath, leaning in and placing a hand delicately under Poe’s chin. He tried to tilt Poe’s face up into the moonlight streaming in from the window, hoping to catch a better glimpse of him this way.

Poe breathed in sharply and shook his head gently, but allowed Finn to move it as he wanted to. “It’s okay, it’s fine. Just a little tender, that’s all,” he tried to assure Finn, even though the look on his face conveyed more pain than he’d reveal. 

There was nothing Finn can do for him in the dark, the pale light from the window failing to show him anything new at Poe’s eye. Actually, in the light of the window, it looked like Rey’s day-long treatment of icing it off-and-on had worked tremendously. Finn could actually see the color of Poe’s iris again, and the swelling was drastically less than it had been when they’d arrived. 

“It looks better,” Finn nodded, leaning in to kiss the opposite cheek quickly before releasing Poe’s face from his hand. 

Poe was silent for a moment, a grin pulling over his face. He tilted his head and teased, “Did you call me _babe_?” 

Finn blinked for a moment, unsure of what Poe was referring to before he played the last thirty seconds back in his head. In the shadow of his room, Finn was sure Poe couldn’t see him blushing but that didn’t stop his cheeks from heating up anyway. “Oh. I didn’t mean…I mean I meant—”

“Stop.” Now Poe was the one touching Finn’s face, his hand reaching up to cradle Finn’s cheek as he nodded, “I liked it, it was cute.” 

Finn exhaled, still blushing furiously even as that stirring of desire swirled at the pit of his stomach. “Oh. Okay,” he whispered back, feeling the word in his mouth before he murmured it again, “Babe.” It felt foreign and almost stupid coming out of his mouth, but the look on Poe’s face, the way he seemed to hum in response, was worth any self-conscious embarrassment he felt.

“Mmm. Sexy,” Poe murmured, pulling Finn in again and kissing him deeply. 

But Finn only allowed it to continue for a few moments before he pulled away, his eyes cast down as he whispered against Poe’s lips. “We can’t…we can’t do that here,” Finn swallowed thickly, finding the courage to pull his head up and look into Poe’s eyes as he continued, “I can’t.” 

He expected some resistance, but there was none. Poe just smiled sweetly at him, nodding his head before ducking in for a quick peck on the lips. When he pulled away this time, Poe murmured, “That’s fine. That’s not what I came in here for.” 

Finn’s ears perked up, sitting up a little straighter as he asked, “What did you come in here for?” 

Poe just continued to smile, but laid down on his side, patting the spot next to him and waiting for Finn to do the same. Finn obliged, laying there on his side across from Poe, the distance between them no more than a foot. Finn was about to ask again when Poe blurted out, “Why don’t you come out on the road with me?” 

It wasn’t what Finn had expected. In fact, he didn’t know what he had expected, but the question knocked the wind out of him just the same. 

They hadn’t discussed that possibility because Finn had assumed it wasn’t even an option, that Poe did not want a stowaway bothering him on his cross-country escapades. Now that the offer was out there, now that Poe was staring at him with excited anticipation, Finn could only think back to what Jess had said about trying to get Poe to quit the road life. He thought about the way Poe had looked on the trail behind Jess’ house, saying that he couldn’t stop touring with the rodeo because he didn’t know what would happen to him if he did. 

“Poe,” Finn exhaled, shaking his head slightly as he said, “I can’t do that.”

Poe didn’t seem discouraged, asking, “Why not?” 

“Because,” Finn breathed out, considering all the reasons why not. “Because I can’t go all over the country. I had never been outside of Texas until a week ago and this week, as incredible as it has been, has been exhausting. I can’t just pick up and travel all over. Besides, would it even be safe for us? What if,” Finn hesitated, looking at Poe’s bruised eye again as he continued, “What if something like that happens again? Or worse? You think someone wouldn’t catch on to what was going on?” 

Poe was silent for a long moment, weighing the things Finn had said. But before he could rebuttal, Finn proposed, “Why don’t you stay here with me?” 

This time Poe exhaled, answering as Finn had when he said, “I can’t do that.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because,” it was like looking in a mirror — this time Poe breathing out in a strained, uncertain way, pausing to consider. “Because this is Rey’s house. We couldn’t just stay here with her.”

“No, we couldn’t,” Finn agreed, adding, “But we could stay somewhere else. With Jess. Or somewhere with just us. And Bebe.” 

The Bebe mention got Poe to betray a slight smile before his face was serious again, licking his lips as he continued, “Finn I can’t just stop out of nowhere. I got shows to do, promises I made to people. I’ve got shows scheduled on the circuit at least through the rest of the summer.” 

Finn’s arms found their way around Poe’s body, and Poe’s hands were pressed to the small of his back. Even in the midst of this heavy conversation, their bodies couldn’t stay apart. They were meant to touch and be touched together. 

“Okay, then after the summer,” Finn breathed, his heart starting to beat a little faster as he realized the rationality behind the plan unfolding in his mind. The sheer audacity that it was actually possible. “I’ll stay with Rey through the summer and when you’re done with the shows you’ve already committed to, you come back for me. I’ll work around town and save up some money, then maybe we can find a place for us to go. Like Jess did.” 

Finn knew there were a lot of factors in this hypothetical situation, a lot of variables that would have to work in their favor for it to turn out successful, but that didn’t mean it was a bad idea. In fact, it sounded like a pretty damn good idea in comparison to the alternatives. 

But Poe was silent, his eyes focused on Finn’s chest instead of looking him face-to-face. Finn didn’t rush him, knew that Poe had heard every word that he said. 

“Maybe just think about it,” Finn whispered, leaning in again to press a chaste kiss to Poe’s forehead. 

Poe nodded, still somewhat distant even as he pulled his eyes back up to meet Finn’s. “Can I sleep in here? I’ll get out in the morning before Rey’s even up,” he seemed smaller, his voice more resigned and timid. 

It would be impossible for Finn to say no, even as the alarm bells rang out in his head. They were playing with fire and Finn didn’t want to get burned, but he also didn’t want to spend his last night with Poe separated from him.

“Of course,” Finn murmured back, peppering kisses across Poe’s lips, the bridge of his nose, his forehead. He didn’t want to get derailed by their more bodily desires, but he wanted Poe to feel showered in his love, wanted Poe to know that he’d kiss every inch of his body if he were given the opportunity. 

Poe thanked him in a whisper that was absorbed into another full, life-giving kiss, Finn melting into Poe’s breath and embrace. 

**Monday**

When the morning came, Poe was still in bed with him. Finn thought to shake him awake, to panic at the clear sound of Rey’s voice ringing out from the yard, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. This was the dawn of the final day and Finn wasn’t in any great rush for it to begin. 

Poe woke up shortly after him, his arms reflexively pulling Finn closer as he blinked his eyes awake. Finn smiled sadly at him. 

“Good morn—”

Finn’s greeting was cut off by a desperate, needy kiss, one of Poe’s hands shooting up to hold Finn’s face against his. They kissed for a long moment before Finn finally pried himself away, his breathing slightly ragged as he confessed, “Rey’s already up. We shouldn’t.” 

As if on cue, from a distance far beyond the closest window, they could hear Bebe bark and Rey calling back at her. Even if she was outside or far away, Finn didn’t want to risk being caught, no matter how much he wanted to throw his body against Poe’s. 

"Yeah,” Poe breathed out, his eyes still looking hungrily at Finn’s as he took a couple deep breaths. “Yeah, you’re right.” 

Finn nodded, though he wasn’t convinced that Poe was ready to stop. In fact, Finn was sure if he gave Poe the green light, they’d both be fully nude in a heartbeat. 

But he couldn’t think about that possibility. 

“I should get up. Go talk to her,” Finn murmured, though he didn’t have a reason to talk to her. It was more about finding a way up and out of bed before they both got too distracted to care whether or not they were caught. 

“Okay,” Poe said, still not making any effort to move. His eyes were searching Finn’s face for a long moment, losing their hunger and instead becoming fearful, anxious. “What am I gonna do without you?” he asked softly.

“Don’t,” Finn’s hands had settled at Poe’s waist under his shirt and he squeezed the warm flesh there slightly. “Don’t start. And don’t…” Finn’s voice trailed off, searching Poe’s face for a moment before he continued, “Don’t be without me. Just come back for me.” 

Poe nodded gravely, as if it was the most serious decision he’d ever have to make. 

Finn kissed his forehead again before sitting up, climbing over him and out of bed so that he didn’t have to consider whatever Poe’s answer would be. He dressed himself quickly, glancing out the window long enough to realize Rey was heading inside from whatever chore had taken her outside. 

“I’m gonna go let her know I’m up, maybe start breakfast,” Finn glanced over at his bed, at the man watching him intently. Even though Poe was looking at him, Finn could sense the distraction, could see that Poe was lost deep in thought. He took the extra few steps back to the bed and pushed the messy curls back up off of Poe’s forehead. He kissed the man quickly before exiting the room, refusing to be pulled into the back and forth again. 

Finn strolled into the kitchen right as Rey was letting Bebe in through the door to the yard. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” she called out to him, gently swinging a small basket in her hands as she asked, “How’d you sleep?” 

“Good morning,” he greeted back, doing his best to stifle a yawn as he continued, “Slept like a rock. How about you?” 

“Oh just wonderfully,” she chirped back, bringing the basket to the kitchen counter and setting it down. When she unwrapped the cloth folded neatly, she revealed a handful of eggs she must have collected from her chickens. She started to wash her hands as she asked, “Care to help me with breakfast?” 

Finn smiled, teasing slightly as he huffed, “Well what do you think I came out here for?” 

She laughed at that before rattling off instructions, pointing at cabinets and listing out ingredients for him to retrieve for her. He obliged dutifully, busying himself with the easy tasks to keep his mind off of Poe deliberating in his bedroom. 

When Poe finally appeared, they were nearly done making breakfast, but that didn’t stop Rey from cheerily greeting him. She exited the kitchen just in time to intercept his sleepy walk towards them, ushering him instead over to the sitting room to retire on the couch. She was away and then back at his side quickly with a cold compress for his eye, which he begrudgingly accepted and pressed to his face. 

They talked amongst themselves softly, and though Finn wished he could eavesdrop, he was too busy plating piles of egg with slices of toast and bacon. He made the three plates as evenly as possible, shutting off all the appliances before carefully balancing the plates on his arms and making his way over to the sitting area. 

“Oh, Finn, you should’ve told me you were done!” Rey jumped up to intercept two of the plates, gingerly taking them and placing them on the sitting room table. She scurried away and returned, somehow, balancing three cups of coffee, setting them on the table in front of Finn, Poe, and the spot she made for herself on the floor. 

Finn just shook his head, taking a seat on the floor across from her, setting his own plate in front of him. 

“You guys can’t leave me up here on my own,” Poe huffed, gingerly pushing the table out enough to slide from his seat on the couch down to the floor between the two of them. All three of them, grown adults with plenty of seating options around them, settled onto the floor like children doing arts and crafts. 

The radio was playing some jazzy music as they ate, all three focusing intently on shoveling food into their mouths. It wasn’t until they started to slow that Rey posed the first question, holding a piece of bacon in front of her lips as she looked at Poe intently. “Are you sure you want to drive out today? That eye could really use another day or two of care,” she suggested just as she crunched the strip between her teeth. 

Finn had to look away while Poe answered. It was hard enough to hear, he didn’t want to see the words coming from Poe’s mouth too. 

“Unfortunately, I really oughta hit the road,” Poe said, his voice still holding onto that sleepy quality from before. There was a pause as he sipped at his coffee and Finn couldn’t help it, his eyes drawing back to Poe. He had to admire the way the sun from the windows cast a halo around his messy curls. If it had just been the two of them, Finn would have combed his fingers through Poe’s hair, setting them right. “Supposed to be in Fargo this weekend and that’s a bit of a haul from here,” he murmured, glancing over at Finn as he continued, “I’d stay if I could, but you know how it is.” 

Finn nodded, even though he didn’t. Rey nodded too, though Finn suspected she also didn’t know how it was to be a traveling cowboy. 

“Well, when will you be back in Wyoming?” Rey piped up again, never failing to find a question with a difficult answer. 

Poe chuckled slightly as he took a bite of eggs he had piled onto the corner of a piece of toast. Finn tried to eat, too, but with every moment he felt his appetite slipping away. “I don’t know,” Poe said, swallowing his mouthful of food before continuing, “I’d like to make it back out this way sooner or later. Maybe get you two out to a show, huh?”

This answer delighted Rey and she launched into a hypothetical situation in which she and Finn would drive down to Cheyenne to see him compete, then they could all come back to the ranch to celebrate afterwards. More so, she made Poe swear that if he was ever back in Wyoming, that he’d call them, no matter if he was only in the state for an hour or two. 

“Wait,” Finn said aloud, getting up and hurrying out of the room before he could answer the questions Rey was now throwing at his back. He went to his bedroom, quickly tearing through the bag that he’d brought all this way from Texas. In a small pocket, he pulled out the notepad sized piece of paper with Rey’s address and telephone number scribbled on it. 

When he came back to sit on the floor with the other two, they were both waiting for his great reveal, their eyes so intent that Finn almost blushed from the attention. 

“For you,” Finn said, folding the piece of paper and placing it in Poe’s hand. And if his hand lingered in the warmth of Poe’s for a moment, it wouldn’t seem all that unusual as he elaborated, “Rey gave me this so I could find my way to her. Now you can have it to find your way back to us.” 

_To me._

Poe closed his hand around Finn’s hand, their fingers cascading against each others as Finn pulled his hand away. 

“Perfect, now you’ll have no excuses,” Rey teased, laughing at her own words before she stood up herself, scooping up their empty plates and starting towards the kitchen. 

They were alone for a minute, enough for Poe to place the piece of paper in his left hand shirt pocket, patting it as he looked at Finn. “I’m going to come back,” he said, his voice more sure and steady than it had been all morning. 

And Finn wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that in a matter of months they’d be reunited, that maybe Poe would actually agree to his wild fantasy narrative of finding a farm in the middle of nowhere and spending their days together. 

But in the harsh reality of the morning, Finn found fault in his own proposal. Poe was charming and handsome, a man that couldn’t or wouldn’t stop competing because he was good at what he did. He had been with people before Finn and there was nothing to say that Poe wouldn’t find a new person, a man or a woman, in the next city or some new state, that would capture his attention and admiration. As electric as their time together had been, it had only been a week, and Finn was sure that Poe was one of those people that attracted love into his life effortlessly. If Finn could only have the one great love, he was glad to have had it with Poe, but it was almost impossible that in the great wild world that Poe was traveling through, he wouldn’t find someone new. 

Finn had been so resigned to his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the searching look in Poe’s eyes, the confusion knitted on his face. “You don’t believe me?” Poe asked, as if he was reading each thought clear as day on Finn’s face. 

“I didn’t say that,” Finn shook his head, glancing over his shoulder to see Rey rinsing dishes, giving scraps to Bebe and dancing along to the radio. Too far in her own world to hear them. “I want you to come back,” Finn nodded, licking his lips as he added, “But if you don’t — it’s possible that you could find somebody else. What if you decide next week or next month you don’t want to come back after all? I just don’t want you to feel obligated, like you owe it to me.” 

Poe’s face was hard to read, his eyes seeming to cloud over with something indefinable. And then it was all bright again, the movie star smile brightening his face as he chuckled, “Are you gonna find somebody else? Are you going to decide next week or next month you don’t want me to come back?” 

Finn’s gut wrenched at the thought. “No,” he said immediately, his head shaking on instinct. 

“Well, that’s how I feel about it too,” Poe said, his voice dropping into a whisper, “God brought us together, remember? And he’ll lead me right back to you, alright?” 

Somehow Finn couldn’t believe that Poe truly believed that, had doubts that any of the events of the last week had actually led Poe to consider God’s role in his life, but the sentiment made him smile regardless. Whether Poe believed it or not, he was saying it because he knew what it meant to Finn. “Alright,” Finn nodded, his hand going to Poe’s knee and squeezing it for a moment before releasing, his hands drawing back into his lap. 

Now would be the time to say it, to say I love you I love you I love you. 

But then Rey was back seated next to them, sipping what remained of her coffee as she told them a story about Bebe chasing one of her hens around the yard.

After breakfast, Poe packed his things. Finn didn’t want to watch, but he couldn’t turn his eyes away, standing in the doorway of the guest bedroom with his arms folded across his chest. Rey was off in the yard, having volunteered to corral Poe’s horse back into the trailer because she missed having horses of her own. 

Now would be the time to say it, too, to say _I love you I love you I love you_. 

But before Finn could say anything, Poe was standing upright, staring at the jacket in his hand. It looked familiar before Finn realized it was the jacket Poe had lent them when they’d gone out to Denver all those nights ago. Finn was about to ask why Poe was staring at it when Poe looked up at him, holding it out in his direction. “You want to hold on to this for me?” Poe asked, stepping forward with the garment extended. 

Finn didn’t expect the offer, but put his hand out to take the jacket. Its weight once again reminded Finn that it had to be impossibly expensive, and it would be stupid for him to have it. “Poe, I can’t,” he said, holding it back out. 

But then Poe was back to packing, ignoring Finn’s outstretched hand. “Too late, I want you to have it,” he said, talking more into his bag then up at Finn as he shrugged, “Besides, it looked good on you. I’d rather think about you wearing it than keep carting it all over the place with me.” 

Finn smiled to himself, folding the jacket over his arm and hugging it to his chest. That would have to be _I love you_ enough for now. 

Then they were all standing out in driveway, Poe’s truck idling with the trailer locked and loaded behind it. Bebe was perched precariously in the passenger seat, looking out from the windshield intently at Finn. If he thought animals were capable of such things, Finn would almost think that she was looking at him sadly. 

Rey put both of her hands on Poe’s shoulder, lecturing him about taking care of his eye and not aggravating it any further. She gave him instructions on what to do over the next several days to help it heal and Poe, in all his good-natured nodding and agreement, did what he could to assure her he would take care of himself. Rey hugged him for good measure, saying something in his ear that Finn couldn’t hear. 

Then she stepped back and out of the way, giving Finn a little smile and a squeeze on the shoulder before making her way back up to the porch. 

Finn brought his gaze up to meet Poe’s, his smile weak and his heart heavy in his chest. Poe moved first, opening his arms wide and beckoning Finn forward. Finn obliged, trying not to drag his feet as he tucked himself into Poe’s embrace, his face buried into Poe’s shoulder with his eyes squeezed tight. Holding Poe’s body tight against him, he whispered a few prayers into his shirt, trying to give whatever little protection he could over to the cowboy. When he finished, he pulled his head up just enough to whisper, “Are you sure you have to leave?” 

Poe laughed softly at that, pulling Finn back so he could look him in the eye properly. “I’m gonna find a way to call at least once a week. Probably more. And I’m gonna write every chance I get,” his hands fell to Finn’s shoulders, massaging ever so subtly as he continued, “And before you know it, I’ll be back.” 

Finn nodded, trying not to melt against Poe’s body or kiss him as hard or as deeply as he desperately wanted to. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” he huffed, reaching up to push a rogue curl back behind Poe’s ear. 

“Good,” Poe huffed back. His eyes darted somewhere behind Finn’s head and before Finn could follow his line of sight, Poe leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Finn’s lips. In the daylight, under the great blue sky, in front of Rey. 

Finn thought he’d pass out. 

But when he glanced in a panic back over his shoulder, Rey was just smiling, her eyes moving off of them and out onto the road as if there was nothing to be seen. 

“See you soon, _darlin’_,” Poe said as he pulled Finn in to another bear hug, gripping him tight and then releasing him. 

“See you soon,” Finn breathed out, still in a daze as he stepped back away from the truck.

Poe climbed into the truck, revving the engine up and then jolting into motion. As the truck rolled past, Poe waved at them, his hand visible out of the driver’s side window until he turned out onto the street. Finn’s eyes stayed there for a long time, waiting for the dream to end and to wake up back in Texas under the hateful pressure of his real life again. 

But it didn’t. The adventure was over and it had been real, as real as the dirt under his feet and the distant chirping of birds. 

He turned on his heel, looking back up at Rey where she stood on the porch. There was something magical about her, he had known that when they’d first met, and it was impossible to think otherwise now as the sun cascaded over her face. 

“Did he tell you?” Finn’s words were quiet, aching little things. It seemed impossible that he could be so fortunate — that he had found a refuge with someone that knew everything about him and cared for him regardless. 

Rey shook her head, her gaze coming back from the road to Finn, a joyous smile pulling over his face. “He didn’t have to,” she said easily, shrugging one shoulder as she added, “There was just something about the way you looked when the two of you rolled up here. Both of you, really, it was pouring out of you.” She paused for a moment, her smile breaking into a grin as she added, “And after I asked a few good questions he told me. He’s very easy to crack, that one, can’t hardly keep a secret.” 

Finn didn’t know what else to do but laugh. It was so easy for Poe to be himself, to reveal his deepest truths and his life to those around him, even those he hardly knew. Maybe Finn would be that reckless someday. Or that brave. 

“Come on,” Rey extended a hand out to him, gesturing for him to take it as she added, “Let’s get inside. I want to hear the whole story, start to finish.” Finn took her hand and headed back into the house, the ache of loss in his chest dulled slightly by the warmth of Rey’s friendship and the deep belief that Poe would be back again soon.


	5. Epilogue

It’s five months until Poe is back in Rey’s driveway. 

Well, not five months exactly. 

It’s more like eighteen weeks and six days, twenty-three postcards, ten letters, sixteen phonecalls, and three care packages until Poe is back in Rey’s driveway. 

It’s a Sunday, not unlike the Sunday they had arrived on almost five months ago. The summer has passed and the beginnings of fall make the grass a little less green, the trees a little less full, but the warm sun and crisp air is the same. 

The smell of Poe’s old leather jacket is nearly the same, even though Finn has slept next to it every night for the last few months. Now that the temperature outside is dropping in the evenings, he can go back to wearing it, lifting an arm to his face anytime he needs a reminder of what it was like to be close to Poe. 

In almost five months, Finn and Rey have upgraded her garden to take over more space in the pasture behind the house. They’ve also fixed up and enhanced the old chicken coop to keep more chickens and built a small barn to house a handful of goats and a couple of pigs. The final addition to the household is a one year old brown sheepdog named Chewy that refuses to leave Rey’s side and chews on everything in his sights. Every day there’s something new to do around the property, or somewhere to go to sell the fruits of their labor. 

But this Sunday, there’s nothing to do but sit on the porch and wait. 

Finn gets an early start — it’s an impossible task to try and sleep through the night, so in the early hours of the morning he slips Poe’s jacket on and goes to sit out on the porch. When Rey gets up, she brings him coffee and they sit out there together, even though they both know he won’t be arriving until the afternoon. 

They talk about the next laundry list of things to do around the house, though they also both know Finn won’t be around to see them through. In the span of the last several phone calls, Poe had informed Finn that Jess had arranged for them to take over a place in Colorado not too far from where she lived. If he was willing, Poe had said, they could settle down there together, at least for the foreseeable future. 

Of course Finn had been willing, he had wanted nothing more. But then there was the matter of leaving Rey behind, and the little homestead they had built together. 

Finn and Rey had gone over all the possibilities, weighed all the options. Finn’s favorite had been a hypothetical situation in which Rey also moved down to Colorado, with him and Poe or with Jess, and they could all live happily ever after in the Colorado wilderness. But Rey liked her little house, insisted that there was a spiritual connection to the place she’d come to love so much, and wasn’t ready to let it go just yet. 

Their tentative compromise was that once a year Finn and Poe would come back up to Wyoming to visit, and once a year Rey would come down to Colorado to visit. And if Finn was trying to hatch a secret plan to make Rey fall in love with Colorado and convince her to move down there with them, that was between him and Poe. 

Finn was rambling through a thought about repairing a break in the fence around the garden, making a mental note to write down some instructions for Rey, when the sound of a truck coming down the road caused him to cut himself off mid-sentence. A few cars and trucks had passed throughout the morning, but Finn knew in his gut this one was different. 

Then moments later, Poe’s truck was roaring into view, slowing down just enough to pull into the driveway. Finn was up out of his seat in a rush of limbs, nearly tripping over the damned dog at Rey’s feet as he stumbled off the porch. 

Through the windshield of the truck, Poe’s movie-star smile was unmistakable, his eyes bright and wide as he pulled to a stop in front of the house. In a matter of moments Finn was crashing down the steps just as Poe was spilling out of the truck, both men careless and impatient until the moment they collided against each other in a sweeping embrace. Then they were surrounded by love, both of them mindlessly chattering the sweet nothings they’d rehearsed over the phone for the last several months. 

Poe pulled back first, but only to kiss Finn hard, his hands gripping at the small of his back, the nape of his neck, anything that would allow him to pull Finn closer against his body. Finn obliged, too blinded by need and desperation to be self-conscious. But then Poe pulled away to just hold Finn’s face in his hands, his smile impossibly wide as he breathed out, “God, I missed you so much.” 

“I missed _you_, I missed you so much, I can’t believe you’re back,” Finn murmurs back, his eyes tracing every part of Poe’s gorgeous face, trying to map any piece that he’d forgotten. “You’re so early.” 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Poe answered easily, stroking Finn’s cheeks with his thumbs as he breathed, “I just had to get back to you.” 

Finn grinned back at him, blinking away the wetness in his eyes as he threw his arms back over Poe’s shoulders, hugging him tight again. 

From somewhere behind Poe, a sharp bark rang out, which was met with barking from the porch behind Finn. Then there were two dogs racing around the front yard, nearly colliding with the two men as they excitedly chased each other. 

The commotion was enough to break Finn and Poe apart temporarily, both laughing at the chaos. 

“Well the bruise is gone, huh?” Rey called from the porch, taking the couple steps down to slap Poe on the shoulder, looking at his face and nodding, “Looks a lot better than the last time you pulled up to this house, that’s for sure.” 

They hugged and said their greetings, conversing quickly about the drive and the dogs before Rey ushered them all inside. Around a new kitchen table that Rey and Finn had found and fixed up together, they ate and caught up, Poe relaying the stories of his travels, Rey and Finn taking turns telling stories about their various projects around the property. 

The plan had been for Poe to spend the night before they set off the next day, and when the day wound down to its end, they said goodnight to Rey before Finn showed Poe back to his bedroom. 

The room was almost the same as when Poe had left, but now there were postcards from all of Poe’s travels pinned up on the walls. Poe sat on the bed as Finn strolled around pointing at them, explaining the rationale behind each placement, which ones were his favorites and how he always found himself rearranging them when he couldn’t sleep. The letters Poe had sent were folded up and resting on the nightstand next to the bed, where Finn had read them over and over before falling asleep each night. 

“And I have something for you,” Finn said, moving to sit on the bed next to Poe, reaching into the drawer of the nightstand. He pulled out several letters of his own, thoughts that he had scrawled out for Poe when he’d felt especially lonely or lovesick. He had wanted to send them while Poe had been out on the road, but Poe never stayed in one place long enough to send anything to him. “For you,” Finn repeated, handing the folded papers over. 

Poe hadn’t stopped smiling from the moment he’d stepped out of the truck and he didn’t stop when he saw how many sheets of paper were folded into each other. “Finn, this is—” he started to unfold the first letter and Finn shot his hand out, stopping him. 

“Not now,” Finn insisted, his face heating up as he murmured, “I don’t want you to read them in front of me.”

Poe let out a laugh, resigning himself to folding the papers closed again and setting them on the nightstand, next to the other letters. Finn had a suspicion that Poe would be up in the night, reading them over while Finn slept next to him in bed. The thought gave him a comfort that washed out any self-consciousness he felt about writing the things in the first place. 

Finn stood back up, walking back along the line of postcards that decorated the wall. As his fingers came to touch the edge of his favorite one, a plain photo of a New Mexico mountain range with the words ‘Greetings from Albuquerque’ printed just below it. Finn didn’t have to flip it over to know what it said, he’d memorized every one of their messages, scrawled in Poe’s nearly indecipherable handwriting. 

“I guess I should’ve taken these down, packed them away so we’d be ready to go tomorrow,” Finn thought aloud, removing the pin from this postcard and peeling it from the wall. 

“It won’t take that long to take ‘em down,” Poe assured. When Finn glanced over his shoulder, Poe continued, “Besides, I’m glad you kept them up. It’s nice to see how you’ve been living.” 

Finn smiled at that, turning back to the wall and beginning to do the gentle work of removing the pin that held each postcard to the wall. He was careful not to tear at any of the cards, careful not to stab himself with the pins he collected and cradled in his hand. 

“Hey.” 

Finn turned around, his face instantly shrouded in worry. Before he could ask if something was wrong, Poe spoke. 

“I love you.” 

In all the months they’d been apart, neither of them had come to say those words. Finn had kept from saying anything because he thought that somehow saying the words would be too much, too soon. He had only wanted to say them in person, to look in Poe’s eyes when he said it, so that Poe would know it was the truth. 

He had never anticipated Poe saying it first. In all the scenarios he had imagined in his head, that outcome had never been one of them. 

His response, spilling from his mouth without a second thought, surprised Finn too. 

“I know.” Because that was the truth. In his heart, as nervous or unsure as he had been about just saying the damn words, he had come to know so assuredly that Poe did love him. It was in the text of every letter he received, every phone call they had, the love was undeniable and all-encompassing. Finn couldn’t remember what it felt like before Poe had loved him. 

“I love you,” Finn breathed out with a smile, a great weight lifted from his chest. 

Poe gave a little nod, his smile still brilliant as he replied, “Good. Now hurry up with all that and get back over here.”

When Finn says goodbye to Rey, he doesn’t cry, because it isn’t really goodbye. They’ve already picked the week that she is going to come down to Colorado to visit and that’s only four months away. Then after that, Finn and Poe will be back up to visit before a full year has passed, so really, it isn’t goodbye. 

It’s just see you soon. 

But see you soon doesn’t hurt any less. 

“Thank you for everything,” Finn murmurs into her hair, gripping her in a tight hug. They’d been hugging for approximately two minutes at that point, but Finn wasn’t ready to let go yet. 

“Oh don’t thank me. Thank you,” Rey huffed right back, her arms wrapped just as tightly around his midsection. “It’s been so wonderful having you around these few months. Look at everything we got done around here,” Rey sighed, her own face rested against Finn’s shoulder. 

The more they stood there, the harder it was to try and let go. 

Rey had to be the one to separate them, pulling back enough to grasp either side of Finn’s arms. “Alright then. We’re wasting daylight,” she breathed, leaning in to press a kiss to either side of Finn’s face as she instructed, “Have a safe drive, take care of yourselves. Call me when you’re all settled, alright?” 

Finn nodded, finally letting go. She side-stepped over to Poe, giving him a quick hug and a kiss on either cheek too, repeating the same instructions to him. Poe was gracious, gorgeous, thanking her and assuring her they’d be in touch as soon as they could be. 

Then she made her way back up to the porch, her massive dog trailing just behind her. 

The men loaded into the car, Finn climbing into the passenger seat that he was now being forced to share with a very needy or very jealous Bebe. Poe started the car and glanced at Finn, asking, “You ready?” 

Finn nodded, looking from Poe back out to Rey and murmuring, “Ready.” 

Finn and Rey waved to each other until they were both gone from each other’s sights. 

And then they were on the open road again, where everything had started for them. It was exhilarating and nerve-wracking, but when Finn glanced over at Poe, all he could see was a future full of love. 

Poe glanced over at him and smiled, offering his right hand out, which Finn gladly took in his left, resting their laced fingers on top of where Bebe had settled over his legs. 

“So, I was thinking,” Poe started, his sentence trailing off as he looked back out to the long stretch of empty road ahead of them. 

“Uh oh,” Finn teased, squeezing Poe’s hand in his. 

“Hey,” Poe huffed jokingly, squeezing back. 

A long moment passed, Finn becoming anxious as he watched Poe’s face for any sign of what he was going to say. 

“I know you’re excited to get to the house, but what if we took a little detour,” Poe posited, his eyes forward and his face dangerously earnest. 

Finn didn’t know what to say to that, except to repeat, “A detour?” 

He was silent again, though Finn felt Poe’s hand squeeze absently before he spoke again. 

“I’ve been thinking maybe it’s time to go back…go back to my parent’s house. See how things are going, see if there’s anything I can take care of.” He took a deep breath after that, finally glancing over at Finn as he said, “It’s out in southern Nevada, it would take us out of the way quite a bit, so I understand if you wouldn’t want to. I could always go another time. I just thought having you with me might…I don’t know. We don’t have to, if—”

“Poe,” Finn finally interrupted him, squeezing his hand assuredly as he said, “I’d love to. Let’s go.” 

Poe’s shoulders finally relaxed, his voice tinged with shock as he asked, “Really?” 

“Of course,” Finn nodded, his eyes fixed on Poe in some attempt to telepathically communicate his support, his understanding. “I’ll go anywhere with you, Poe,” he only let his eyes wander for a moment, confirming that the road around them was still empty before bringing Poe’s hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to his wrist. 

It was then that Poe’s smile finally returned to his face, the brightness restored to the inside of the truck cab. 

“Alright. Here we go, darlin’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it through to the end, I just want to say thank you and hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr @theoriginofloves


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